


Five O'clock Shadow

by Canorlex



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Adultery, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Cancer, Depression, Divorce, Drunk Sex, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Member Death, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love, Love Triangles, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Oral Sex, POV Shane, Past Child Abuse, Rough Sex, Shooting, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Time Skips, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:02:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 64,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28750398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canorlex/pseuds/Canorlex
Summary: Daphne escaped from her cubicle and finally settled down on her grandfather's old farm. Her philosophy of seeing the good in all people is challenged when she meets a man intent on making it impossible to find the good in him. Reconnecting with an old friend gives her a sense of security she's never had, and she made a hasty choice. Did she make the right one?A new girl arrives in Stardew Valley. Unlikely friendships blossom in the aftermath, as the self-proclaimed town drunk is forced to face the conflict between his inability to walk through life alone and his inability to form relationships. Eventually the latter gets the best of him as she slips through his fingers.This story moves between the present and the future, as Daphne and Shane both try to pinpoint the exact moment where it all fell to pieces. Could her relationship be saved? Which one?TW: Please see the tags
Relationships: Alex/Female Player (Stardew Valley), Alex/Haley, Jas & Marnie & Shane (Stardew Valley), Leah/Shane (Stardew Valley), Shane/Female Player (Stardew Valley), Shane/Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 44





	1. First and Last

Alex had buried his face in his hands, resting his elbows on the kitchen table.  
  
“… and here I have been feeling guilty,” he groaned as he leaned back to sit upright, dragging his hands over his face. Daphne could have sworn he was crying, but… _Was he laughing?_

She couldn’t tell whether her heart was running wild or if it had stopped beating. Either way it was painful. Daphne raised her hand, clutching her shirt by her chest.  
  
“It’s not true,” she muttered, slowly walking closer to him. _It was_.

“You’re not a consolation prize. I chose you because I wanted you.” She could hear the desperation in her own voice. After everything she was still grasping at straws to convince him that this life, the one they had built together, was something she still wanted. It was partially true. She did love him. He did make her happy. There were still times she’d melt when he smiled, or his touch would turn her entire body into jelly.

Alex raised his right hand, signaling that he didn’t want her to come closer. He put his index and middle finger to his temple as if he had a headache. Daphne didn’t stop, and he let out a sigh, without lowering his hand. Still, he lost the definition in his movement, seemingly defeated. For a moment she felt like she was trying to approach a wounded animal, not sure if he would be friendly or hostile.

Daphne reached out her hand. She could feel the warmth radiating off his skin, mixed with the nearly unbearable heat from summer. As she placed her hand on his shoulders, his arm fell immediately. It was like she’d pushed his off button. She kissed the top of his head. Alex twitched. He still hadn’t looked at her once since she came back inside.

Daphne ran her hands down his arms, as she sank down to her knees in front of him. _She must look pathetic, pleading, desperate_. _That’s how she felt._ She grabbed his hands and looked down at them, only to be met with the image of his bloodstained knuckles. Whose blood? His? _Shane’s_?  
  
_How long had she been crying? She didn’t even notice when it started. Had she been crying since the docks?_

She buried her head in his lap. For a second she could feel him relax. His hands began moving up her arms. “I love you, Alex. I love _you_ **,** and _only you._ ” Lie.  
  
“Fuck,” Alex exclaimed as he got up from the chair and ripped away from her, with such force it threw her completely off balance.

He was pacing, his hands on the top of his head. _Why was he panicking? This was supposed to calm him down, not agitate him._ She was still on her knees by the chair he had just been sitting in.

  
The wings of the butterflies who had been fluttering in her stomach earlier had turned into razor blades. She’d done this to him. Her eyes followed him as his speed kept increasing, watched as he hit his head over and over. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Daphne, I-“

Nothing could prepare her for what came next.  
  
“I slept with Haley.”

* * *

**First day**

Her heart nearly escaped her chest, as her the surface her feet was supposed to hit never came. Daphne’s back hit the last step of the stairs as she fell ass first onto the ground, out of the bus, her bags landing on top of her. “Oof.”

This would have been absolutely humiliating, if there had been any bystanders. She looked around. It was just her and the bus driver, who didn’t seem to offer it a second thought before he closed the doors and drove off.

For a brief second the feeling of being completely alone in the world, washed over her. It wasn’t just a feeling. Rather a dawning realization that _she was_. Daphne let her body fall back, resting her head on a pillow of grass. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but more comfortable than the bus seats she’d just spent the past few hours in.

She took a deep breath, letting the fresh air invade her mind and distract her from heaviness. It had been so long since she’d smelled _grass_. Her fingers moved, allowing the grass to gently tickle between them. She imagined herself peaceful. Like cameras were on her and she was shooting a scene of a movie, or something. But she didn’t feel it.

When she was a child, her mother used to call her and her older brother Beavis and Butthead. Albert was Beavis, she was Butthead – because she came ass first into the world. Now she’d arrived – ass first – in Stardew Valley.

The last time she was here, they were both with her.

  
  
“Oh! I saw the bus passing, and I realized that I was late. I am so sorry. I had wanted to be here to greet you, but-…” Mayor Lewis had just rounded the corner. He paused with a puzzled look on his face. _Naturally. She was on the ground with her bags on top of her. Why wouldn’t he look puzzled._

Daphne remembered him from when she was a child. She didn’t know how old he was, but she could have sworn he looked exactly the same when she was last here ten years ago. Her arms pushed her up from the ground. When she had laid down completely the bags had shifted on top of her, so it was easier said than done. She squinted her left eye, concentrating on him. As she did, her lips pursed and disappeared to the left side of her face.  
“Miss Daphne!” He rushed to her side, and lifted the smallest suitcase off her, leaving her to tend to the big one herself. Daphne smiled shyly.

“Yeah, I seem to have taken a tumble,” she muttered, lifting the suitcase still resting on her legs up, before she finally got up herself.  
  
Daphne extended her hand to greet him properly, but the old man pushed it out of his way and embraced her as if she were an old friend. “My, I can’t believe how big you’ve grown!”  
  
Daphne froze for a moment but realized she might as well get used to this. She’d spent every summer here for fifteen years. Just because she as a child and teenager hadn’t been particularly interested in the town folks apart from those her own age, that didn’t mean they hadn’t been invested in her. At the very least, she knew her grandfather was a very beloved man around these parts. Her coming here was probably rubbing salt in everyone’s wounds, including her own.  
  
“Yeah, that’s generally what happens over ten years,” she joked awkwardly as she patted him on the back a few times, trying to signal for him to let go of her.

Lewis pulled back but kept his hands on her shoulders and held her out from him, like he was evaluating some kind of prized object. “Has it really been that long?”

“Yep.”  
  
“You know how it is for old folks like me. We can barely tell a decade from a week.” He landed two pats on her back, almost paternally.

Daphne pulled her lips into a strained smile. It was good to be here, but she hadn’t been mentally prepared for a welcoming committee. That was her own fault. Of course, there was a welcoming committee. Welcome to Stardew Valley, and Pelican Town.

* * *

As soon as she had placed her bags inside the doors of her grandfather’s old house, she got restless. Something about being here without him didn’t feel right. He’d been dead for years but with her living far away, she could always lie to herself and pretend he was ready to greet her the next time she wanted to come to the farm. Lewis was right. Standing here, ten years really didn’t feel like a long time at all.

Lewis dropped by with the carpenter – Robin – and they had briefly discussed possible improvements to the farm. Daphne could tell she had a lot of work to do before she could even begin thinking about clearing land for crops.  
  
Before she did anything, she desperately needed a shower. And food _._ Her eyes glanced longingly over at the kitchen counter, realizing there was nothing here but an old – and probably broken – freezer and a few rundown counters. All of which would definitely need fixing up if she was ever to get a proper kitchen.

Thankfully, she did bring her microwave. Until she could afford a stove or a refrigerator, she could at the very least get some warm food in the comfort of her own home. She’d never be able to afford any of the necessary equipment if she would eat _every_ single meal at the saloon. 

Still, it was nice to be back. She hadn’t navigated this small place in years, but it was just like she was here last week. Daphne knew where to find everything. Lewis and Robin had fixed up a couple of things already. The heater was one of them.

Daphne turned on the shower before she stripped out of her clothes. The floor was cold. Did she even have heat cables under the tiles? It was such a given in the city that she hadn’t offered it another thought. She hadn’t seen any switch to turn them on. 

Daphne never pictured herself as a farmer. The hot water ran over her body as her mind wandered to all kinds of places. Her old apartment in the city. The cubicle she had spent most of her adult life in. Her friends. She didn’t really have many, but she did have some. Daphne had always been sociable, but she didn’t have any friends close enough to make her think twice about coming here, once she realized this place was at her disposal.

Her brother was the closest she came to a friend, and things between them had been strained ever since their mom died. They didn’t share a father. Daphne didn’t know hers and got stranded with her grandmother for the better part of a year. Albert already lived with his father by the time their mother passed.

She couldn’t help but feel envy, and it had gotten between them. Pride kept her from admitting it was her fault. A small sigh escaped her lips, as she ran her fingers through her hair. She would get around to it someday. There was no way she could hide out here forever.

She spent longer in the shower than she should have. As she rested the cold metal of her wristwatch on the top of her wrist while she tightened the band around her wrist, she glanced at the time. No wonder she was starving. The clock was almost half past three, and she hadn’t had anything to eat all day.

* * *

As she strolled into Pelican Town, she felt oddly out of place. She didn’t see a lot of people, but she still grew very self-conscious about her entire… _thing. Was it too much? Too little?_ What even was her thing? She looked down on herself and wondered what she’d wanted to communicate.

She hadn’t dressed to impress. Her head turned down and her eyes lingered on her high-waisted, mid-blue jeans and a black t-shirt. Boring. Clothes had always been such an important part of how she presented herself in the city. When she was on the farm, she hadn’t realized it still mattered – but apparently it did.

Even if she had roamed these streets as a child, she didn’t feel connected to anyone. Everyone she hung around as a child were almost certainly gone off to college or had moved out of town ages ago. Her grandfather often talked about how there were almost no kids left in Pelican Town. He’d updated her on the comings and goings of all her old friends. Mostly the goings.

  
  
Finally, she spotted the adorable local general store, _Pierre’s_. Daphne couldn’t remember if that was the exact same store that was here when she was a child, but it was in the same spot and the outside looked the same. The bell rang as she opened the door by gently leaning as she pushed down the handle, adding her body weight to it.

“Hi, welcome to Pierre’s,” a familiar voice rang. Clearly, he was enthusiastic about his customers.  
  
“Oh, well – if it isn’t Miss Daphne,” he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “When Mayor Lewis said you were coming to take over your grandfather’s old farm I was thrilled, you know. We all miss him dearly. That soil grew some of the best crops I’ve ever sold. I trust you will continue his legacy of course. We’d love to help you get some produce off your hands when you get started! I sell the best seeds in town, too! Miss Daphne, we’re _so glad_ to have you here,” he went on.

Daphne smiled politely, but she was just looking to get some food and settle in for the day. She didn’t really pay attention to a word he was saying, but instead let her eyes wander across the room to see if she could locate a freezer of any kind. Thankfully, working in corporate for so many years had given her some pretty sick skills in the “nod-and-smile”-department.

She left the store disappointed to not have found anything she could just throw into the microwave. Pierre had talked her into buying a few strawberries for a snack. It didn’t really take much convincing. Daphne had never been good at refusing. But she was in no position to throw money around, so she probably should have. She looked down at the bag in her hand and sighed. She _had_ always been a pushover.

* * *

After walking around town for a while, she came upon a Joja Mart. It surprised her. She hadn’t expected to see anything Joja this far away from the city. There was never any mention of them making an appearance whenever she talked to grandpa on the phone, so she assumed it was recently built. It certainly looked more modern than the other buildings around town.

The ring of the bell when she entered Pierre’s had been replaced by a familiar _ping_ as she entered Joja Mart. It was sterile. Even the smell. It didn’t smell like anything.

Daphne walked slowly around, trying to take it in. Somehow it felt both alien and homely at the same time. She walked along the isles and ran her finger along the cold metal shelves. Joja never really represented anything good to her, but right now it was a welcome sight.  
  
As she rounded the corner a young man with the recognizable Joja Mart-uniform stepped into her line of sight. “Hey! Welcome to Joja Mart,” he said enthusiastically.

She was surprised by the warm welcome. It wasn’t really what she knew to be the Joja-spirit, but not everyone needed to feel like Joja pulled all the air out from their lungs just because she did.  
  
He was tall and by the way his body looked, clearly active. Not what you’d characterize as well-trained, but clearly not a couch potato either. You could tell just from the way he carried himself. His blue eyes felt like they were just looking straight into her soul.

His smile was contagious. Daphne did her best to meet his enthusiasm as she smiled back. “Hey! I was just looking for something simple to eat. Preferably something that could be heated up in a microwave?”

  
“Huh, yeah. We have a shit ton – uh, I mean, _many_ frozen dishes.”

Daphne’s smile grew wider as he slipped up and had to save face. It felt like a small window into who he was off the clock. He didn’t look much younger than her, but he felt young. She glanced at his nametag. _Sam_.  
  
“I don’t really know much… but my co-worker is an expert!” he said. A look of uncertainty fell over his face, like he’d just done something he wasn’t supposed to. He took off his Joja Mart-cap and ran his fingers through his hair as he looked around.  
  
He stopped as his eyes fixed on whatever he’d been looking for. “Hey, Shane,” he said loudly, as he made a ‘come here’-gesture with his hands.

A few seconds later another guy rounded the corner, not looking anywhere near as enthusiastic. Not at all, really. Daphne scanned him. Now, _he_ looked like a Joja employee.

She kept smiling in their general direction as she looked awkwardly around. Was she supposed to say something? Or was Sam going to repeat her request?

The new man – Shane – raised his eyes to meet hers. Brown, like her own. She could almost see a small hint of green, but the fluorescent light of the Joja Mart could be playing tricks on her. He wasn’t anywhere near as tall as Sam, but he was still a few inches taller than her.  
  
“Can you help, uh…” Sam looked over at Daphne, realizing he didn’t really know how to introduce her.  
  
Daphne waved awkwardly. “Daphne. I just moved into Pebbles Farm.”  
  
When her grandfather moved here, the entire area had been covered in gravel. He decided Pebbles was a fitting name. At least that was the story he told. Daphne never really caught on to how much truth there was in it.

“Really?” Sam’s eyes beamed again. “So, you’re new here? People from Pelican Town rarely shop here. Well, apart from my mom and a few others... I always just assume the people I don’t know are from other towns in the area. We’re really the only Joja Mart around, if you’re not going into the city!”

  
  
She could feel Shane scanning her and tried to keep her attention fixed on Sam. Was he judging her or checking him out? By his demeanor it seemed to be the former. She shifted uncomfortably and began nervously rubbing her arm.

As Sam spoke, Shane rolled his eyes and demonstratively cleared his throat. Daphne had never seen anyone roll their eyes with their entire body, but somehow this guy had done it. Sam snapped out of it quickly. He almost seemed afraid of him.  
  
“Right. Daphne here,” he emphasized her name while gesturing to her, to make sure he got it right. She nodded.  
  
“… she’s looking for frozen dishes. I figured you’d be the best person to help her with that.”  
  
Shane let out a snort as if he had just told him a joke. To her surprise he did manage to plaster on a smile. Daphne looked around herself. Either that, or he smelled something.

Shane didn’t say much he just made a gesture with his head that signaled for Daphne to follow him. As she passed Sam, he gave her a small wave.  
  
“See you around, Daphne!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> I thought my writing days were long behind me, but playing Stardew Valley over Christmas really inspired me. When I realized there was a whole community for fanfics, I just had to read just about every single one out there and eventually write my own. I've been very inspired by a lot of works, but there are too many to name just one. 
> 
> Comments and/or constructive criticism is absolutely welcome! :)


	2. The Tragic Adventures of Shane the Fuck-Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane is intrigued by the new girl, but far more occupied with his own misery. As he recounts all the way in which he's a fuck-up, and exactly how much of a piece of shit he is, he realizes his spot has been stolen by someone else - and for a moment he finds solace in her company.

You never notice it as it happens. Generally, people only catch on when it’s too late.

Shane closed the fingers around his glass and lifted it to his lips. It never tasted as good as he imagined it would. The beer filled his mouth and he let it sit on his tongue for a second. It almost made him feel classy. Like he was attending a wine tasting or some shit, and not a raging drunk sitting alone in the saloon. _Alas,_ he thought to himself as he looked down at his worn-out clothes and over at the empty chair next to him.

He didn’t like much, but he did like his corner. Gus and Emily were nice to him. Most importantly, people generally let him be. At work he got paid to plaster on a strained smile whenever he talked to a customer. He rarely did it anyway. But today he had. It had been a good day. Morris stayed off his ass, and the store had been just about empty most of the day.

The new girl, the _farmer_ had stopped by Joja Mart for his _expert opinion_ on frozen food. Shane found himself wondering if Sam thought about the backhandedness of that compliment. Was it on purpose? A dig like that did seem out of character for him, but hell. He knew what people thought of him. After all, he’d made damn sure to give them every reason to think it.

It was Monday evening, so unsurprisingly the Saloon was pretty much empty. He sat where he always did. From here he could keep an eye on everything, but still be invisible enough to avoid being a target for unwanted attention. Even when the place was full, they knew to stay away from his table. It was always empty when he got there.

Pam sat in her usual spot, too. His eyes travelled across the room. She looked twenty years older than she was. Pam definitely looked older than Marnie – his aunt – but from what he gathered she was actually younger.  
  
He felt for her daughter, Penny. Shane knew what it was like growing up with addicts for parents. He looked down at the beer in his hand. ‘ _And now you’re doing it to Jas,”_ he thought to himself.

Shane signaled for another beer and lifted the glass to his lips as he poured all of it into his mouth. He couldn’t go down that road. _Not tonight._  
  
Jas wasn’t _his,_ but she was. Somehow his best friend had been stupid enough to entrust Shane with his fucking daughter. When Jason asked him to be her godfather none of them would have imagined that he’d actually have to raise her. You never think something is going to happen to you.

It was the only way Shane could justify Jason’s decision. He never thought it would happen. If he had known, he’d have left the responsibility to someone more capable. 

Emily placed another glass in front of him and hovered for a second. “Rough day?” she asked, with a concerned look on her face.  
  
Shane shrugged in response. He fucking hated it. Concern. Like he mattered? The only reason anyone ever gave him the time of day, was so they could feel like they had _tried._ He’d quickly caught on to the insincerity, and people continuously proved him right. They didn’t want an answer, they just wanted to ask the question.

He wasn’t being fair, and he knew it.

Emily and Gus had both been good to him, and they even rarely cut him off, unless it got really bad. Shane was never one to like being shitfaced in _public_. When enough was enough, he’d head out and head to the woods or the docks with a bottle of the cheapest liquor he could find at Joja. Sometimes he’d buy or steal a bottle of something fancy, like whiskey. But he saved that for the good days.

The bell rang, signaling that someone had just entered. Shane glanced up. The farmer again. She strolled right up to the bar and began chatting with Gus as if they had known each other for years. From the small pieces he picked up from their conversation, they probably had. Gus kept talking about her grandfather and all the ‘trouble she got up to’.

His eyes fell back down to rest on the beer in his hand. He’d almost finished another. That would be four. Usually he’d go after six, but this time he had downed them at record speed. He liked to take his time. Feeling the buzz coming on was half the thrill.  
  
“Hey, I barely recognized you without your cap on!”  
  
Her voice was so cheery it almost hurt his ears. _Jesus fucking Christ_. Shane looked up at her but didn’t respond.

She changed her clothes. Earlier she had been wearing jeans or some shit. Now she was wearing a dark green, short summer dress. She had let her hair down. Shane didn’t really notice her hair until now. It was blonde, but not like Sam’s.

Plus, she hadn’t been wearing makeup earlier. He didn’t notice her brown eyes at Joja Mart, but now she’d put on make-up, so they’d pop or whatever. Who the fuck dressed up to go out on a Monday? 

“Shane, right?”  
  
She gestured towards the chair in front of him, asking him if she could sit. Nope. He was not going to humor this. Might as well nip it in the bud.  
  
“Why the fuck are you talking to me? You don’t know me?”

He was almost amused by the shock in her eyes. If he was worth talking to, he’d probably feel bad for shutting down the new girl, who just wanted to make a friend. He wasn’t. She’d be better off going back to the bar to get to know Emily. Or better yet, go home and come back another day, when the rest of the kids were here.  
  
He thought of them as kids, but he wasn’t _that_ much older than them. Sam, those dumb ‘alternative kids’, the Hulk and Emily’s sister. All probably worth spending her time on. Him? _Nah_. He couldn’t even keep up with the _two_ people he valued in his life. There was no room for more.

The farmer threw both her hands up in a ‘chill, it was just a question’-kind of way. She didn’t have the hands of a farmer. Shane would be surprised if she was still here by the end of spring. _A girl like her… Why the fuck would she leave the city_?

His eyes followed her as she backed away from the table. She didn’t say anything, but he could see something in her eyes. Confusion? Hurt? Didn’t matter. He’d saved her from a bad time. She’d thank him if she knew.

* * *

He left after that last beer. Marnie and Jas were already asleep by the time he got home. It spared him the awkward moments, when Marnie sat in the kitchen as he went into his room to collect his bottle. She always looked worried. That hit different.

Marnie had known him all his life. And here he was, like a tornado. Stinking up the place with alcohol, dropping a kid with abandonment issues on her and never being around. He made sure to help with the animals as often as he could, but technically that was for his own selfish reasons. _Selfish_ , he thought to himself as he staggered through the kitchen.

_‘Fuck you, Shane. Fuck you for what you’re doing to Marnie and Jas. Fuck you for being a rude asshole to every person who dare send a smile in your direction.’_

He wasn’t sure what to name that voice. A therapist he’d gone to once – his best friend made him – said it was his depression, but Shane was more convinced it was one of the more reasonable voices in his head.

Jas hadn’t just lost her parents, she’d lost everyone. That’s why he brought her here. Marnie had always been nice to him when he was a kid. He usually came up here when it was really bad at home. For Jas, he was the bad. He had followed her here, but he had the courtesy to stay out of her way for most of the time.

He’d never hurt her the way his parents had hurt him, but he did in just about every other way. Once he’d even fucking left her alone in the apartment to go to the liquor store down the street. Fuck, he was out of his fucking mind. Running up the walls. No one to babysit.

He sure as hell wasn’t going to leave her with _his_ deadbeat father. It had seemed like a better solution to just leave her there. He’d never told anyone about that. _And he never fucking would._

The heat of the liquor-of-the-day running through his system was enough to break him out of it. Shane looked down at the bottle as he walked. Some Russian shit, probably vodka or something. It tasted like crap, but he didn’t drink it for the taste. Today he’d sit down at the docks. The weather was alright. He could maybe even dip his sweaty, nasty ass toes into the water.

To his great surprise, or rather disappointment, there already seemed to be someone there. It had taken him a second to notice, and when he did, he lost his train of thought so fast he forgot to move his foot to keep him steady. ‘ _Shit,_ ’ he thought as he stumbled to the ground. Leaves bristling loudly around him. No one could ever accuse him of being stealthy.

“Hello?”  
  
Of course _. Of-fucking-course_. Shane rolled his eyes. If he just didn’t move anymore, maybe she’d think he was an animal or something. He could hear the sound of her feet moving across the wooden boards, and he knew. He had been spotted.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
There it was again. _Concern_. At least she could sleep well tonight, knowing that she’d tried.  
  
“It’s good,” he muttered as he rubbed his head awkwardly. “It’s all good.”  
  
The farmer positioned herself in front of him, standing upright. She looked much taller. His eyes lingered at her feet for a second. She wasn’t wearing any shoes. Apparently, she had the same idea as he did. His eyes travelled up her legs.

This angle… If he wanted to, he could see up und-.

_No._

He was many things, but a pig was never one of them. Shane kept his eyes fixed on her knees, afraid that he’d lose self-control if he looked up further, or even accidentally have a peek.

“Oh,” she said once she got close enough to tell who it was. The tone of surprise in her voice gave away exactly how new she was around here. No one must have gotten to her yet, with the gossip about the _‘town-drunk with a non-daughter, taking advantage of poor Marnie who was too kind for her own good’_.  
  
That’s what he’d heard Sam’s mother say, when she learned that Shane had secured himself a job at Joja Mart alongside her precious _baby boy._ She wasn’t discreet, but Shane was pretty sure he was supposed to hear it. That bitch was just bitter because her husband would rather get shot at than be at home with her.  
  
Shane made an attempt to get up, but his body was so heavy his thighs couldn’t lift him high enough to regain balance. He fell back and landed straight on his ass.

“Fuck,” he groaned, pushing the back of his head further into the ground.

  
  
The farmer was still standing there. She made a strange noise and covered her mouth. Shane looked up at her. Was she fucking _laughing_ at him?  
  
“What the fuck are you fucking laughing at?”  
  
She didn’t look sorry at all. Shane looked at her arm, now stretched out in an offer to help him up. He didn’t really have much choice. His hand slipped into hers, and she helped pull him up.  
  
They almost both went down, but she was stronger than he’d given her credit for. Once she’d gotten him over a certain point, he regained some control of his own movements.  
  
“I fell ass first into this town,” she explained, once he stood up straight.  
  
“Huh?”

 _Fuck._ Now he’d invited her to keep talking. If he was honest with himself, he didn’t mind the company. It distracted him. He’d been having too many dark thoughts, even for him. If he could distract himself long enough to get tired, maybe he’d actually get some sleep tonight. Then tomorrow would be better.  
  
“I slipped. On the bus. Or well… off the bus. Missed a step. The first body part of mine to arrive, was my ass.” She gestured towards her hips. He tried not to look.  
  
Shane snorted accidentally. There was something about the image of her falling flat on her ass that was hilarious to him.  
  
“That’s why I laughed. You reminded me.”  
  
Shane didn’t know what to answer. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been in a conversation this long since he got here. Generally, he scared them off immediately.  
  
The girl rubbed her arm awkwardly. “Well,” she said as she nodded towards the docks. “It’s all yours.”  
  
Then she turned around and left. Shane stood there for a second, taking in the image of her walking away. Somehow it was a comforting confirmation. He wanted to be alone, and he didn’t have to be an asshole this time to get his way. She just left on her own accord. The farmer didn’t want to be around him, and it was comforting.  
  
Good for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor bub <3 :(


	3. The Bigger the Hoop, the Bigger the Hoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A woman wanders onto Daphne's life with a stray dog, and somehow convinces Daphne to take a break from her hard work. 
> 
> When she does, she has a happy reunion with an old friend - and a terrifying introduction to his girlfriend.

Five days total had passed since she arrived. Personally, Daphne felt like she’d settled in nicely. She still hadn’t been able to get her hands on a stove, but at least she’d managed to fix the freezer. Plus, she’d cleared a small square of land, shaped the soil and planted a few parsnips. They should be ready to harvest any day now, and then she could afford to buy some more seeds.

She was thinking maybe potatoes. Grandpa had always planted potatoes in spring. That’s the way they did it in his days, and that’s how she was going to do it. 

This was all more than she imagined she’d ever be able to – and without help, even! If her brother could see her, his jaw would drop to the floor. _Did she even tell him she was moving here?_

Daphne hadn’t been getting into town much. She’d mostly been going around trying to define property lines. Some places you couldn’t really tell where your property stopped, and the woods started. She was worried Lewis would give her a hard time if she started messing with community ground without worrying. Small hills surrounded most of the farm, so now that she’d marked up the rest it should be smooth sailing from here.

There was no reason for her to go into town today either. Her freezer was stocked after a very effective trip to Joja Mart, and she’d have to go within the next few days anyway, to see if Pierre wanted to take the parsnips off her hands. She had very deliberately chosen to go to Joja Mart on the Wednesday Pierre’s was closed. That way he didn’t have anything to hold against her if she happened to stumble upon him.

Plus, she had _a lot_ of work to do before summer and not really that much time to do it. Her grandfather had started preparing for summer already in winter. There was an old coup she had to fix, the old barn and especially the greenhouse. All of which needed to be fixed before she could even think about animals, and she wanted the greenhouse to be up and running before winter.  
  
She sighed as she placed the cup of coffee she’d made herself on the table – another courtesy of Joja Mart. For a brief second she felt bad for shopping there, but she shook it off. Pierre couldn’t blame her. His prices were through the roof, and she hadn’t even collected on her first harvest yet. Wondering about how her grandfather got anything done with just two hands, she bent down to tie the laces on her boots.

Daphne really wished he could be around to grant her the gift of both his wisdom and his assistance. Loneliness was a feeling she didn’t have time for, but she was in no uncertain terms absolutely overwhelmed by it all.

As she pushed the door open to go outside, she suddenly jerked back in surprise. A dog. Just standing there. On her porch. A dog. A dog? _What_?  
  
“What the-,” she muttered, before she raised her eyes to see that there was a woman standing there as well.

“Hi?” She did her best not to sound rude, but she couldn’t really help it. Had this lady been standing here waiting for her, or did she just get here? She forgot how country life worked. In the city no one would ever show up at your door uninvited, unless they wanted to get shot. _Fuck, I should probably buy a rifle,_ she thought before she immediately backpedaled in her mind, as if she had said it out loud for the woman to hear. _Not to shoot her, but animals. Not dogs, dangerous animals._

“Hi, I’m Marnie,” the woman said sporting a comforting smile. She could probably tell that Daphne was stressed. Guests – especially uninvited and unannounced – was not something she was prepared for. The place was a mess, and she wasn’t ready for anyone to see it.  
  
“I’d have greeted you sooner, but Lewis never told me that you had arrived, even though he promised. I had to hear it from Shane, of all people!”  
  
_Shane?_ Daphne picked her brain, trying to remember which one was Shane. She was pretty sure she remembered all the faces, but names had never been her strength. There had been a name tag. She’d seen it written. Joja Mart. _Oh. Shane_.

“… Right.”  
  
_Why was he talking about her?_ The woman went on a tirade about how Shane was new to town too, and that he was her nephew. He worked at Joja Mart, which she knew – but he apparently helped her with the chickens too. All very interesting information, but seriously? _  
  
_“Well, Marnie. You took me by surprise. And this little man almost gave me a heart attack,” she said with a baby voice as she got down on one knee to give the dog scratches.  
  
“But it’s nice to meet you, really!” Daphne reassured her. “I just didn’t expect anyone. Especially not this early!”

“Oh, I know I should have called. If you give me your number, I promise I’ll call next time,” she said, smiling slyly.  
  
Nicely played, Daphne thought to herself as she stood back up and the woman – Marnie – a nod. “I’ll just be a few.”  
  


It didn’t take her long to return with a small paper note with her number written on it. She walked down her porch steps and handed the note to Marnie, trying to smile as pleasantly as she could.

“There you go! My number. So, are you Mayor Lewis’ wife, or…?”  
  
Marnie seemed embarrassed by the question. Daphne raised her arm to her neck and smiled awkwardly. _Guess not._  
“No, I… We’re just old friends,” she answered. It was difficult to read anything into the tone of her voice, it was almost like she was reading lines.  
  
It had been wrong of her to assume, but not even her grandfather called Mayor Lewis by his first name. As a child, Daphne had been convinced that Lewis was his last name, not his first. She could never figure out why everyone always said his full name. It was embarrassing, but she was well into her teens when she realized it was a title. Now she found herself wondering what his _actual_ last name was.  
  
“You don’t remember me, do you?” Marnie inquired, looking at Daphne with a playful smile.

The corners of Daphne’s eyes crumpled in response, as she tilted her head. Was she supposed to?  
  
“I’m sorry, it’s been ten years since I was here, and I’m overloaded with all these faces and names and memories-“  
  
“I was joking!” Marnie lifted her hands to defend herself, or to interrupt Daphne. Maybe both.  
  
“I run the ranch just south from the farm.” Marnie nodded in a direction which Daphne could only assume was south.  
  
Daphne _could_ vaguely remember a ranch. She took solace knowing that they’d never really spent too much time there. Her brother was terrified of chickens. No wonder she couldn’t remember.  
  
“Oh, right! I’ll have to come down some day. I have a serious craving for animal companionship,” Daphne said jokingly. Marnie lit up as she did.  
  
“Well, _good_! I was hoping you could take him.”  
  
It took Daphne far too long to realize that Marnie was referring to the dog. He was fast asleep on the porch by the time she got back out with her number and had been silent ever since.  
  
“What? You want me to take your dog?”  
  
Marnie laughed. A deep, sincere laugh. Daphne hadn’t heard one of those in a long time. Maybe she _was_ getting a bit too lonely and isolated up here?

“He’s not mine. I found him in pretty bad shape a few weeks ago. We just came back from the vet, and he got the ‘all clear’! My cats would hate me forever if we got a dog,” Marnie explained. “Not to mention the chickens.”

Was this normal? People just turned up on your doorstep to hand animals to you, like they were bread or blackberry jam or whatever? Daphne looked over at the dog, still soundly asleep on her porch. She had been considering pets even before she moved here, and soon she’d have the money from her first crop. And he _had_ just come back from the vet. He wouldn’t need to go for new shots for another year. And _did_ have savings, in case of any emergencies…  
  
She backed up a little and sat down at the edge of her porch close to him – which reminded her that she should probably fence it. _Shit, more to do._ He clearly wasn’t a purebred. His appearance was like a strange mix of a Newfoundlander and a poodle. He was a big dog, but Daphne did like them that way.  
  
“I’d love to take him,” she said as she looked back up at Marnie, her eyes beaming.  
  
Marnie nodded with a smile firmly planted on her lips. “Good. It has been decided then! What do you want to name him?”  
  
Daphne already knew. Just moments earlier she had been thinking how she wished grandpa could be here with her. When he was alive, she used to call him just ‘Pa’.  
  
“I think I’m gonna name him Paw,” she smiled softly, running her fingers through his fur.  
  
A few moments of awkward silence passed. Daphne didn’t really know what to say or how to end this conversation.  
  
“Thank you,” she finally managed to say.

“Don’t you worry about it. You’re doing me a huge favor. This is a win-win!”

Marnie turned around, ready to leave but suddenly paused. Looking over her shoulder, she gave Daphne a small wave.

“It’s Friday, so most of the town is going to be at the Saloon after six. If you want to get to know people, you’d be wise to show up!” Marnie’s tone was melodic, and her face indicated in every way that it was a joke.  
  
Then why did it sound like a threat?

* * *

She couldn’t miss out on this, could she? Almost the entire town gathered in one spot; it was too good to pass up. At least then she’d rip the band-aid off, instead of awkwardly going around for weeks. She didn’t want them to think her rude. There was really just _a lot_ to do.  
  
Before she approached the saloon, she checked herself out one last time. Pierre’s was closed and it was dark inside, so it was almost like a mirror. Her dress stopped about mid-calf. It was one of her favorites. Today she really did dress to impress. It was black and had a classic 60’s silhouette. The waist was belted, but the skirt was full. Not puffy, just full. Over the fabric, there was a mesh layer – which was her entire justification for buying this dress in the first place.

In the city she would probably have worn this dress with high heels. But there was no way in hell she was about to walk for twenty minutes on dusty country roads wearing heals. So, she had slipped into a pair of sandals she found in her suitcase. Honestly, she couldn’t remember buying them, but they looked nice. Like a present from her fairy godmother.

And to finish it all off, two ridiculously large hoop earrings. She was obsessed with them.

She pursed her lips while awarding her image an approving nod into the window. _She looked good._

_Pling_ the bell chimed as she opened the door. Marnie hadn’t lied. It was packed. No one could even hear her come in. Strangely there was no line, so she could go straight up to the bar.  
  
“My! Look at you!” Emily exclaimed gleefully upon realizing she was here. Suddenly Daphne felt awfully overdressed. No one really seemed to have made much of an effort.

Daphne smiled and bowed her head in appreciation. “Go hard or go home, right?”

Emily nodded enthusiastically. “Absolutely!” Emily stood there for a second, just staring at her. Daphne turned a light shade of pink and ran her fingers through her hair nervously.  
  
“And your earrings… Wow! I don’t think I’ve ever seen any big before.” Emily’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates, while she moved her head to follow the outline of Daphne’s, trying to get a good look from all angles.  
  
“You know what they say, the bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe!”

 _Shit_. Did Daphne just say that? She hadn’t even ordered her first beer.  
  
“… and I need a big hoe, if I’m ever going to make any profit.”

_Saved it._

Suddenly, a big, warm hand on her shoulder. “I found a big hoe right here.”  
  
Daphne could feel the blood rushing through her face. _Was it embarrassment or anger_? There was no way she was close enough with anyone in this town for them to make jokes like _that_. Her head turned without her body, and she was about to very strictly demand an apology. Who the fuck did he think he was, anyway?

Once her eyes landed on the face of the man behind her, once she registered _who_ , her jaw dropped. Her arms, which she had instinctively crossed across her chest to protect herself from the discomfort of confrontation, dropped as she turned her body to face him completely. His green eyes looked at her, smugly. If she’d ordered the beer already, she’d have dropped it.  
  
“Hey, D,” Alex whispered softly.

She didn’t know what to say. For sure he should be out of here by now? Was he just visiting? It didn’t matter. All she could feel was happy to _finally_ see a familiar face – _his_ face.  
  
She flung her arms around his neck. His very big neck. His surprisingly _big_ neck. Had his neck always been this big? His arms wrapped around her waist, closing his hands together behind her back before he gave her a tight squeeze.

Alex laughed heartily. He pulled back, hands still on her waist. She kept her hands on his shoulder.  
  
“What are you doing here?” Finally, she found the words.  
  
Alex looked over her shoulder to lock eyes with Emily and held up two fingers, to signal for her to bring him two beers. Daphne raised her eyebrow. He drank now?  
  
“What am _I_ doing here? I live here, D. I’ve always lived here. You’re the one who went completely missing in action or whatever.” He almost looked a little hurt, his eyebrows furrowed, and his lips shaped into a pout.

No one but Alex had ever called her D. They had been virtually glued at the hip every summer for ten years before Daphne stopped coming. She hadn’t even bothered to look up if he was still here. Last she heard he’d tried out for some gridball-team in college. According to her grandfather, he was intent on making it big.

Alex pulled her into another tight hug. “Shit, it’s so good to see you.”  
  
This was the first time anyone had hugged her since Mayor Lewis on the day of her arrival. Daphne let her head relax into his chest, once again sliding her arms around his neck and holding on tightly. Suddenly this place felt like home. It was a feeling she hadn’t experienced in a while.

When he pulled away from her again, his arms fell down from her waist and he took a step back. “So, how long are you staying?”  
  
She was honestly surprised he hadn’t heard that she moved into the old farm. The cliché was that word traveled fast, but Alex had never been a gossip – at least not the Alex she knew.

Emily placed two beers on the counter behind her, and Alex leaned forward, one arm on each side of her again, to grab them. Seeing him with beers in his hands, Daphne realized that she should be prepared for things to have changed for him.

Of course, it was stupid of her to assume that he didn’t drink just because he said he never would when he was thirteen. But his reasoning at the time had made sense, and she just took for granted that his relationship with his father was at least one thing that hadn’t changed. Daphne nearly rolled her eyes at herself. Why Alex had decided to drink was none of her business.

Alex handed her the beer, as he put the other one to his lips, resting it on his chin for a second. “Earth to Daphne,” he grinned, waving his hand in front of her eyes

Daphne raised her eyebrows and shook her head gently to snap out of it. “Uh, undetermined,” she replied. Part of her wanted to say forever, but she was only twenty-five and that wasn’t something she was ready to commit to. “Until I know what to do with the farm, at least.”

As she spoke, Alex took a sip of his beer and lowered his glass back down to his chest. His eyes followed. “Yeah, I heard about your Pa. I wanted to go to the funeral, but it was right around the draft and I couldn’t be slacking,” he explained.  
  
Daphne gave him a sad smile. “Thanks. Don’t worry about it.” She let her eyes fall to the floor.  
  
“Anyway, you should totally join us. If you’re not here to see anyone, I mean.”  
  
His voice had perked back up, and she couldn’t help but smile at the sound of it.  
  
“Us?”  
  
“Yeah,” he said as he nodded towards a table on the other side of the room, where a blonde girl had her eyes fixed on her. Chills went down her spine. _Jesus_ , _if looks could kill._

Daphne nodded and followed Alex as he made his way across the room. “D, this is my girlfriend, Haley.” He sat down next to her and put his arm around her. She leaned into him; her eyes still fixed on Daphne. “Haley, this is my old friend, Daphne.” Alex used his elbow to point in her general direction. It wasn’t very precise, but it didn’t have to be.  
  
Daphne swallowed. Haley was _not_ happy about her presence. 

“Nice meeting you,” Daphne nodded politely towards Haley, trying to keep her smile as sincere as she could, while absolutely fucking intimidated by the cold feeling of icy blue eyes lingering suspiciously on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Daphne's ready for Haley's jelly


	4. Unexpectedly Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In need of a distraction, Shane decides that people-watching isn't good enough anymore. He wants company. 
> 
> He finds it in a place he'd never thought to look before.

Shane was sat in his usual spot. The saloon was pretty crowded, but it was a Friday so that was no surprise. Plus, it didn’t even really matter. It could just as well have been empty. He wasn’t there for company. Emily had just placed a beer in front of him, and he rubbed his fingers around the rim of the glass.

Jason once showed him a video of a guy doing a whole performance doing just that. Some kind of witless talent show. Shane had never really taken an interest in them. Anyway – ever since he saw that video he half expected the glass to sing back to him every time his fingers danced in circles on the rim, but he could never do it.

He slid his fingers down the glass and placed a firm grip around it, pulling it up to his lips. As he did, he peered out from behind it as if he was hiding from the world. Hell, that was probably exactly what he was doing. Across the room from him was Marnie, sitting by Mayor Lewis as usual. They’d been sneaking around town since he was a kid. Shane could never figure out why no one had ever commented it. They weren’t exactly stealthy.

Hell, he’d heard whenever Lewis came over – it was more than reason enough to grab his bottle and disappear into the night. He was not sticking around to listen to that shit. Lewis pissed him off. Marnie was too good for him, and she was too good for her own good.

He allowed his eyes wander as he placed the glass back down in front of him, going back to making circles on the rim. Pam sat alone at her usual table. She wasn’t necessarily a social drinker, but generally she started table-hopping a few hours in. He glanced up at the clock over the bar. It should be any minute now.

Clint sat in the corner opposite from him, staring creepily at Emily. He almost felt bad for the guy. If Shane had been less broken, that could be him in ten years or so. He wouldn’t make it that far and they all knew it. Shane was even counting on it. He didn’t know when Clint’s infatuation with Emily had started, but the way he looked at her was terrifying. She couldn’t _not_ notice.  
  
Shane enjoyed this little game. He didn’t really talk to anyone, but people-watching was entertaining. The people in this town were tedious and annoying, until they had some alcohol in their system. Him included – hell, he was tedious and annoying even _with_ alcohol in his system.

The kids were divided into two social groups as usual. He always found it strange that they seemed to be so divided. The dorks, as he’d named them, were over by the pool table.  
  
Jason had a pool table in his basement. Shane stayed over at his house a lot on school nights when things got bad. Jason’s parents didn’t really approve, but Shane was polite enough when he was a kid. They probably just didn’t have the heart to send him back. They’d seen him sporting his black eye and split lip a few times too many. Whenever they hung out they entertained themselves with pool or video games. Eventually gridball.

Meanwhile, the Hulk spent all his time around Emily’s sister. He could only assume they were dating. He’d seen them holding hands around town and shit. Plus, that girl followed him around like a lovesick puppy. He hoped for her sake they were dating. It’s not like there were any viable options for her in this town other than him. They suited each other.

The bell announced the arrival of more people. Leah came in together with the scrawny girl with glasses. He’d learned Leah’s name primarily because she was their closest neighbor. Sometimes he’d run into her when he was out. Rarely sober. They never spoke, but she always acknowledged him, even if she did stay away. He liked that about her.

He didn’t know what the scrawny girl was called, but he’d gathered she lived up by the mountain or whatever. He’d seen her coming down from there.

Shane shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Why the fuck did he always pick spots with shitty seating?   
  
One perk about being the unapproachable and undesirable town drunk, was that you picked up on a lot of shit. People talked around him, because they forgot he was there. For instance, he’d often hear Jodi – Sam’s mom – gossiping in Joja Mart. She said she goes there to support her son, but Shane had a theory she just really did not like Pierre’s wife, Caroline. He’d never heard her say anything but nasty things.  
  
If he had a life, he probably wouldn’t care this much about everyone else’s business. He was just a silent version of Jodi. His mouth curved into a small smirk at the thought of it.

 _Ugh, fuck. These fucking chairs!_ He arched his back, feeling the stretch all the way from his lower back to his neck.

The bell rang again. Like clockwork, Shane turned his attention to the door again. He was holding the glass up to his lips again, hiding. For a second he didn’t recognize her. She looked much more mature this time. His eyes followed her as she moved across the room.

It was the hair that gave her away. Shane had never seen anyone with hair like hers. It was blonde, but it wasn’t. He’d seen _similar_ , but nothing quite like it. There was something about the color – a mix between strawberry, honey and wet sand – all of them he’d seen individually, but the combination was new.

Her lips were painted in a dark shade of red. Hell, even the way she fucking moved was intriguing. A few years ago, he would have been _all_ over her. She was exactly the type of girl he’d go for. Of course, she was also exactly the type of girl who would instantly shut him down. He never went home with the girls _he_ liked, only the girls who liked him.  
  
The farmer moved swiftly to the bar, and Shane could’ve sworn she was dancing instead of walking. He rested his lips on the edge of his glass, no longer drinking but seemingly unable to snap out of whatever trance he was in. She stood there for a second, chatting up Emily, who seemed to be showering her with compliments to the point where her face turned a light shade of pink. It complimented her nicely.

  
 _It couldn’t hurt, could it_? To say hi? He seriously considered actually approaching another human being for the first time in God knows how long. Somehow, the farmer managed to be both ridiculously approachable and intimidating at the same time. She seemed capable enough to leave him alone when he didn’t want to be bothered. That was honestly all he was looking for in an acquaintance.

He held his hand steadily on his glass as he moved it down to the table. With slow, controlled movements he slowly slipped off his chair, still not sure if he was actually going to go through with this or just playing around with the idea.

His back still fucking hurt. When his feet finally connected to the floor it was like someone had just jammed something into his tail bone. _Fuck_.  
  
He wouldn’t use the word lonely to describe himself. Others had, but he wasn’t lonely. Shane had enjoyed solitude, even as a kid. That’s why he never really had any close friends before he met Jason. Just because he wouldn’t describe himself as lonely, that wasn’t to say he didn’t feel it.  
  
He felt lonely every second of every single fucking day. It just didn’t sting like it should. Once upon a time it had hurt like hell, but he’d grown numb to it years ago. Now, loneliness was a choice he made before anyone had the chance to make it for him.

 _Jesus,_ he sounded like a fucking emo.

Shane couldn’t help but feel as if he wasn’t controlling his movements, edging towards the bar to see her. He hadn’t planned out what he would say. His eyes fell down to the beer in his hand, and he smiled lopsidedly. _Liquid courage, huh?_

  
  
“The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe!” Daphne gestured at her earrings.

Shane paused and took a step back. He pulled his lips in between his teeth to hide his smile, but he couldn’t suppress the involuntary snort that followed. It would have been a full-blown chuckle if he hadn’t stopped himself.

One last time he raised the glass to his mouth, chugging the rest. Shoulder first, he inched towards the bar – brutally interrupted by a shoulder much stronger than his own. His posture stiffened as he shook his head briefly in disorientation.  
  


_What the fuck?_

Suddenly a whole scene played out. The Hulk had approached her before he had the chance. They hugged intimately. Apparently they were old friends. Shane awkwardly bent over a chair to leave his empty beer on the bar. He nodded to Emily as if to say ‘good night’, and she looked puzzled back at him.  
  
He never left after his second beer before.

* * *

He paused outside of Pierre’s, taking in his own appearance. His green polo shirt was hiding under his _nauseatingly blue_ Joja-jacket. Another part of him that he’d carefully tucked away so he wouldn’t be figured out.

His hair was a fucking mess, though. Shane lifted his hands to his face, pulling down the flesh under his eyes, making a grimace to his own image. 

_Fuck. He was all red and puffy._ Objectively, he had been pretty handsome when he was in college. He traded whatever handsomeness he had in for the numbness. Shane constantly tried to run away from himself. Someday he’d have to come to terms with the fact that whatever it was he wanted to shelter, couldn’t escape the rest of him. There was only one way to do escape.

He had built up the courage for a while, but there was always an excuse. The few times he’d swallowed his fear – literally – he passed out before he had the chance. When he woke up the day after, he was just as much of a _pussy_ as before. He hated himself for forcing this miserable bullshit on himself.  
  
When Jason was still alive, Shane’s confidence was generally through the roof. It was like trickle-down economy, but with good looks and status. Jason was likable, handsome, talented – he was a leviathan. Why he’d chosen Shane to be his friend was a mystery to this day, but he had. Their friendship was the one constant in his life, the one thing he never allowed himself to doubt even for a second.  
  
If he had, Jason would have smacked him. Shane placed his hand on the back of his head and closed his eyes. A corner of his mouth lifted, imagining Jason’s flat hand slap the back of his head. Jason would have had a field day with his fucked-up fantasies lately. Shane couldn’t remember the last time he’d been touched in a non-sexual way by someone that wasn’t Jas or Marnie.

He allowed the muscles in his neck to relax as his head fell back, his eyes now looking directly up to the sky. It wasn’t dark yet, but the streets had taken on the silence of night-time, as the children were sleeping and most of the others were stationed in the saloon.

Shane allowed his fingers to travel through his hair from the back of his head to the front. He brought up his other arm and covered his face with both hands – his elbows pointing up towards the sky. Fuck, he wanted to scream. It should have been him that night.

Jason’s last words to him had haunted him for years.

‘ _I’m not worried about Jas, Shane. I trust you with her life the same I trust you with mine. It’s you I’m worried about. I’m not sure I can trust you with your own.’_

He had sounded sad rather than scared. Nothing could ever bother Shane more than Jason being more worried for Shane’s life than his own. It should have been him, not them. The sound of gunshots still haunted his dream. He fucking _hated_ fireworks. 

Part of him was grateful they got to have a ' _last moment'_. That was a precious thing. Not many people had the luxury, and he knew it. But he took no solace in knowing how long it took. Long enough to make a phone call. To feel fear, panic. To suffer. To worry about Shane.  
  
Suddenly he felt sick to his stomach. He turned his head to look back at the saloon and considering going back, but he decided against it.

Tonight people-watching just didn’t feel like enough of a distraction. After the fix idea of actually having a conversation with someone to popped into his head, watching didn’t do the trick. Shane sucked his teeth.

Either way he needed to numb his own mind. He was resentful that someone had stolen his opportunity to strike down conversation with the farmer. Not because he had romantic interest in her. Hell, if the Hulk didn’t already have a girlfriend he would even fucking cheer them on. At least on _his_ arm she wouldn’t have to be embarrassed.

She was attractive and piqued his interest, but he first and foremost needed a distraction. There was no one he hadn’t already figured out in this town but her. And he was poor company even to himself.  
  
Shane bore resentment towards all of the people in this town – with their high functioning lives and relationships, knowing little of the world out there. He had heard that Sam’s father was a soldier currently stationed though. If Shane was still around when he returned, he’d sit down and have a beer with him.

Shane knew there was not much left for him in this life. Even contentment was completely out of reach. He was nothing. At _best,_ he was a corpse possessed by his own ghost. He was a dead man walking, and everyone knew it. Even Marnie. He could see it in her eyes. She was already mourning him.

He had died with Jason that day. But somehow, he was stuck here.

* * *

He wasn’t drunk – but somehow he’d still blacked out. Shane had no idea what he was thinking. It was a serious lapse of judgement if anything – one he had regretted the second he stepped onto the premises. Didn’t matter, it was too late.

He hadn’t been stalking her. But as he had stood outside of Pierre’s, he’d seen her leaving and he just… followed her. _Jesus._ That _did_ sound an awful lot like stalking. He looked around himself, desperate for an exit strategy – or even an excuse.

‘ _I was in the neighborhood.’_ Obviously he was, she was his fucking neighbor. He smacked his own head. He was a fucking idiot.

“Shane? Is everything okay?”

Leah opened her door, leaning into the door frame as she looked at him. He’d berate her for looking concerned even when he was sober – but he understood why she did. Shane had never even talked to her before, except in passing.

“Is something wrong?”

He was stunned. Leah must have thought he was an idiot. His legs were glued to the ground, he couldn’t even leave. He just stood there like an ass.

Shane nodded slowly – at least he tried to, but he barely moved his head. Leah still picked up on it.  
“Marnie?”  
  
He shook his head

“Jas?”  
  
He shook it again.

Leah let out a sigh of relief. Shane was glad she cared about them, but it made him feel even worse that she didn’t worry about him in the slightest. It was his own fault, but it still stung. He sucked his teeth awkwardly, his eyes still fixed on the ground in front of her.

He could feel his body come to life. Shane shifted awkwardly, lifting his arm to rub his shoulder. “Shit, I’m sorry. Nothing is wrong. Sorry for bothering you.”  
  
He began backing up, but Leah gestured for him to stop, so he did. She stepped out and closed the door behind her before she sat down on the ground next to it.  
  
“Come, sit.”  
  
She patted the ground next to her three times. The concern from earlier had been replaced by curiosity. He leaned against the wall of her cottage and allowed him to slide down. His jacket got stuck between the wall and his back – so he reached back to tug it and nearly lost his balance.  
  
Leah smiled softly, looking at him.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” he admitted.

Leah shrugged. “Doesn’t matter – the important thing is that you are.”

“I think I just…” he stopped himself before he could continue. It sounded fucking stupid. Why should Leah give a fuck, she only knew him as a fucking disruption in Marnie’s life.

Everyone loved Marnie. That was probably why everyone was so quick to dismiss him. He felt the same how Mayor Lewis treated Marnie, so he couldn’t blame them. Marnie really did deserve better than them both.

“Oh, come on now, Shane.” Leah’s voice comforting and kind. She pushed him with her shoulder. He hadn’t realized they were sitting that close. Chills ran down his spine. Was he sweating? He was probably sweating.  
  
“I just need _someone_.”

Saying the words out loud felt like the whole world lifted off his shoulders. It was a strange sensation. From his shoulders and down, his body felt disconnected – as if it was floating. Meanwhile, his head was heavy. Like he was adrift, and his head was the anchor. It made him dizzy.

They sat there for a while, mostly in complete silence. Leah was brave enough to try and venture into some small talk, but Shane hadn’t exactly been what you’d call good company.

But when he walked home that night, it was with a smile on his lips.


	5. Daphne the Nymph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a flash forward, Daphne deals with Alex's shocking confession. 
> 
> Daphne attends the annual Flower Dance Festival for the first time, and learns about Shane's situation.

Alex had _slept_ with Haley. He had _fucked_ someone else. She was glad she was already sitting down, because her entire body felt like it had gone limp. It burned – everything burned – and she felt like Alex’s confession had sucked all the air out of the room.

He had _fucked his ex-girlfriend_ , and he berated _Daphne_ because she had been sunbathing in her underwear?

Daphne had felt _so_ guilty for the way her body warmed when Shane had touched her, but whatever guilt she had felt a few minutes ago had melted away.

Saying the words out loud made Alex stop pacing. He was now leaning against the wall, his hands rubbing his face again. “I am _so_ fucking sorry, Daphne – I was drunk, and – My dad, I couldn’t stop feeling like – and she was _there_.”

His voice was filled with despair. She felt like she was under water, and he was talking to her from the surface. Her head was pounding so hard she could barely concentrate on what he was saying, and his voice was all muffled and far away.

“So was Emily,” she snapped back,- surprised that she said it out loud. Daphne realized she had no control over her own words anymore.

Alex inhaled sharply like he’d just burned himself on a warm surface. Daphne closed her eyes and turned her head in his direction. While she initially had every intention to look at him as she spoke, she was afraid to open them – terrified to look at him. Would he still look like Alex to her?

“I think you should leave.”  
  
“Do you love me, Daphne?”  
  
“ _Don’t_.”

“Do you _love_ me?”

“You _don’t_ get to fucking ask _me_ that,” she roared, opening her eyes and picking up the pillow on the chair next to her and threw it at him.

Instead, the pillow struck a photo of her mother, and it fell to the floor,- breaking on impact. Instinctively she got up and walked over to start picking up the pieces. She had a _dog;_ she couldn’t have broken glass everywhere.

“Daphne,” Alex said softly, trying to grab her as she passed him. She jerked away from him.  
  
“Don’t fucking _touch_ me. I said _get - out._ ”

* * *

When Alex – and then Mayor Lewis – told her about the Flower Dance she was pretty stoked. But when she realized the dancing was ballroom,- well, that wasn’t really her thing. Still, she loved festivals – even if she didn’t have a partner to dance with. There was always next year, right?

She had been roaming through her dresser to find something appropriate to wear. According to Alex it was all a pretty strange affair, something he hadn’t really realized until he spent a couple years in college and got out of town to experience _real_ dance clubs. The guys and girls dressed up – guys in shirts and dress pants and the girls generally in white dresses. Neither of which she vibed with.

Since it was a flower dance, she had settled on a champagne-colored romper, with pink and amber lilies on it. It was a bit shorter than she’d like it to be, so it kept creeping up – and she kept pulling it down. Even if she had been asked to dance, there was no way she could now. Her underwear would be on display.

Daphne crossed a small bridge she’d never really seen before, but the decorations left little doubt in her mind that she was in the right spot. Spring was almost over, and she’d grown to like it here. At first it was the nostalgia, but now she really felt like she was building a life of her own – not contingent on her childhood or her grandfather.

She had found one of his journals in an old box in the barn as she was cleaning it out. It had blueprints, checklists and small tips and tricks – all of his secrets. She was pretty sure he’d written all of it down with her in mind. Daphne often found herself wondering how long Pa had planned to leave the farm in her care – to move in to, not to sell.

The music indicated that she was right around the corner. She still couldn’t see anyone. Daphne stopped for a second, to smell the air. She could smell flowers and grass – but she was pretty sure there was a faint smell of food as well.

When she rounded the corner, she had to control herself to not laugh out loud by the sight that met her. It looked _so_ corny,- but in the best way. She spotted Emily, sporting a white dress with pink flowers on it, same as everyone else. It was as far away from her usual style as you could possibly come.

“Miss Daphne,” Pierre exclaimed enthusiastically as she passed his shop. Did that man _ever_ take a break?

“So glad to see that you’re here – if you feel like decorating your farm, come see me. At the very least, you should buy a scarecrow – or as I like to call them, rarecrows. I have one for every festival! I think of them as useful collectibles.”

“I’ll look into it, Pierre,” she winked, leaving before he could coerce her into buying more stuff she couldn’t afford. Every single time she went into his shop he had a sales pitch ready, and _every single time_ Daphne failed to work up the courage to say no.

She strolled along the edge of the dance area and stopped by a tub of flowers next to a tree, leaning onto the fence. It was like she’d traveled into a different dimension. Daphne had never been here in spring before, so no one ever really mentioned this to her.

The closest thing she had come to a town function yet was when she had – with great help from her grandfather – convinced her mom to let her stay until the end of summer one year to see the moonlight jellies. There had also been the Egg Hunt earlier this spring, but Daphne was already drowning in work at that point and she didn’t have a day to waste on a festival clearly intended for children.

She allowed her eyes to travel across the crowd. Her eyes landed on Alex, who stood with his hands in his pockets and kicked the ground while Haley was practicing dance moves. She was wearing a crown of flowers on her head, and honestly – she pulled off the dress better than anyone else.

Daphne couldn’t bring herself to _like_ Haley, but she couldn’t deny that she was beautiful. She had never pegged Alex as a shallow type, so there were probably some other redeeming qualities – but she sure as hell hid them well when Daphne was around.

* * *

“Don’t move,” a man suddenly warned behind her with panic in his voice. It sounded vaguely familiar.

Daphne almost took for granted that she wasn’t talking to him. There were a _lot_ of people here – well, a lot of people for Pelican Town. Curious, she was about to turn and look when the voice exclaimed:  
  
“No! I said don’t _fucking_ move. _Jesus_ it’s like your deaf or something.”

“ _What?”_

While the voice hadn’t been immediately recognizable, Daphne knew without a doubt that only one person here would talk to her like that. She could hear the crunch of grass as he walked closer to her. 

Well, shit. Now she felt awkward. She did as she was told, but part of her couldn’t help but wonder if he was messing with her.

“Holy _fuck,_ ” he said, with a sense of wonder in his voice as he pulled on the last word. Daphne sighed impatiently. He continued: “It’s the biggest one I’ve ever fucking seen.”

Her body ran cold.  
  
“Is – is there – is there a spider in my hair?” She tried to keep her cool, but her voice cracked and made her sound like a little girl.

The feeling of what she hoped fingers running down the back of her head, made her wince and shiver. Daphne inhaled sharply – but never exhaled. Shane snickered in response.   
  
“Not anymore.”

The tone in his voice was almost reassuring, but it didn't help much. She could steel feel it crawling all over her. Daphne allowed the air to leave her lungs as her body nearly collapsed when she released the tension from her muscles.

She finally turned around to look at him. Daphne tried her best not to be obvious as she looked him up and down. No wonder she didn’t notice that he was here – he didn’t look like himself in the slightest.

He was wearing a dark shirt with a bright pink flower in the small pocket on his chest. His hair was pulled back, and the patchy beard he’d been sporting the last time she saw him was gone, replaced by a respectable five o’clock shadow.

“You clean up nice,” she smiled, and his face turned red.

Shane shifted awkwardly and rubbed up and down his chin a few times - before sliding his hand all the way to the back of his neck, letting it sit there.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, looking everywhere but at her.

“I should be the one thanking. Shane, I _owe you my life._ ”

His wet his lips and smiled in that way where you could tell he was trying to hide it. They stood there for several seconds in silence, before they were interrupted by a little girl. She walked up to Shane and tugged his sleeve.  
  
“Watch me come dance with Vincent, Uncle Shane!”

He ruffled her hair, to which she loudly protested that he was messing up her hair. Suddenly it was like Daphne didn’t exist for a second.

She hadn’t realized Marnie had a daughter – but who was she to judge? Being a single mom was admirable. Her mom had been alone with her. Shane briefly turned his attention back to Daphne, smacking his lips as he shrugged.  
  
“Duty calls,” he said simply, nodding in the direction of the girl – who had already began walking away, pulling his arm with her.

While watching them move across the field, she locked eyes with Alex – who was making his way towards her. It looked like he finally had been able to get away from Haley for a second.

“Hey, what was that about?”

His brows knitted while he crossed his arms. He placed his elbow on her shoulder. Daphne shrugged, the weight of his elbow on her shoulder being somewhere between a nice stretch and painful.

“That gentleman saved my life.”

“I see.”

“We are to be wed in a fortnight.” 

Alex pushed her with the very same elbow he had been resting on her shoulder.  
  
“Don’t even joke about that,” he mumbled.

“What?”

Alex looked around himself to make sure no one were listening in on them, and let his hands fall down to rub his arms, before closing his hands and placing them on the back of his head.

“That guy is bad news, D.” His voice was silent,- like he was telling her a secret.

“Really?”

Daphne knew he was rude but looking at him clap rhythmically to the music, while his cousin flung herself around with that other kid, she couldn’t see how he could be _‘bad news’_.

“Yeah, you see that kid? That’s _his_ kid, and in the months they’ve been here this is the first time I’ve ever seen him be sober around her.”

Her heart sank. She knew that Alex’s father had been an addict.

Daphne licked her lips. “Wow, I…” She didn’t really have anything to say – her mind wandered to why the girl had called him _uncle_ if he was her father? Did she not know? Had Marnie taken her in or something, the way Alex’s grandparents took him in? 

“Just don’t get caught up in all that shit, Daphne.”

Alex looked seriously at her. “Promise me.”

Before she had the chance to answer, Alex placed a pat on her back and ran off. Daphne stood there for a second, completely disoriented – then she spotted Haley looking like she was about to spit fire, and it made perfect sense.

Daphne crossed her arms and rubbed her bare shoulders as she walked over to the table and poured herself a drink.

“Hey, you’re that girl who just moved into Pebbles Farm – right?”

A redhaired girl, with long braided hair smiled warmly at her. Daphne smiled back.  
  
“In the flesh!”

“I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to you yet. I’m glad I ran into you. I’m Leah.” She extended her hand, and Daphne grabbed it.  
  
“Daphne.”

“That’s a _beautiful_ name. So, I assume you like water?”

Daphne tilted her head with a puzzled look on her face. “Uh – what?”  
“Your name – Daphne, she was a nymph.”

Daphne looked impressed at her. “Wow, I didn’t know that – but now that you mention it, I do love water.”

Leah smiled. “Me too. The running body of water near my cottage saves me a _lot_ of trouble. Plus, where there is water – there is life, right?”

Daphne spent the rest of the festival talking to Leah. She’d much rather be dancing, but she still enjoyed herself. Leah was nice, warm and easy to talk to – and Daphne really needed friends who weren’t guarded by a blonde bimbo crypt keeper.


	6. Spiders and Spicy Blondes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane has been doing better since he finally admitted that he couldn't be alone. That progress is put to the test when Pelican Town gathers for the Flower Dance, and Shane gets a feel of what everyone really thinks of him. 
> 
> Then he gets called on his bullshit.

“Here?” With the barrels in his arms and his body slightly bent back to support the weight, he nodded at a grass-free spot in front of them. Marnie nodded, and Shane let the tub drop with a thud, leaning onto it afterwards. He wiped his forehead.

It wasn’t _hot,_ but it was warm, and Shane had been carrying like eight barrels from the ranch to the field. He had no idea how he let Marnie talk him into helping with the fucking _Flower Dance_ – but he had been feeling like he was slacking on the ranch lately and wanted to make it up to her.

As usual he had been spending more evenings at the saloon than at home, but he was working on that. He _wanted_ to be a good guardian to Jas, and a good nephew to Marnie. Reaching out to Leah had been a good idea. It didn’t help much with his drinking, but she was a good help in distracting him from his darkest thoughts.

He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath, heading towards the ranch for the last two barrels. The moment he stepped away from the one he had been leaning on, Evelyn scurried over to start setting up flower arrangements. Like she was too afraid to do it while he was still standing there.

Shane was trying to mask his hangover, but he wasn’t doing it very well. He could feel suspicious glares in his back as he walked away. People were polite enough to not say anything to his face. Part of him wished they would, just so they could just get it out of the way already.

At least if they said something, he didn’t have to come back later for the _actual_ festival.

But Jas was just _so_ fucking _excited_ – and he had promised her. Ever since she heard of the festival she had been talking about the dress she was going to wear, how she was going to dance with Vincent. They had been practicing the dance with their tutor – Pam’s daughter – and she was _really_ excited to show him.

Shane was not ready for the look of disappointment on her face if he told her he wasn’t going – so he’d suck it up. She was _six_. He still had a chance to build a relationship with her – a _proper_ one. That chance wouldn’t be around for very much longer.

On his way back to the ranch he passed Leah, who was helping Evelyn bring the flower arrangements from the community garden. It was almost kind of ironic how they each did one half of the same task. At least he didn’t let Leah pull all the weight this time, like he generally did whenever they talked.

He didn’t want to brand it as hanging out, because ever since that night they had two or three talks total – in the middle of the night – all while Shane was absolutely wasted. It mostly consisted of him sitting there, and Leah talking about the stuff that went on in her life.

The last time they talked, she mentioned being stalked by her ex-girlfriend. She showed him a picture and told him to look out for her if he ever saw her around the valley. Leah actually seemed to be a little afraid, which surprised him because he’d really always seen her as tough. Then again, the one didn’t cancel out the other. Tough people were allowed to be scared.

“Uncle Shane!” Jas came running towards him, flowers in her hair. Their tutor had been nice enough to come over to the ranch to watch the kids while both he and Marnie helped set everything up.

She held a piece of paper up to him, that said ‘ _unkl shain’_. Shane put his hands on his hips.  
  
“Will you look at that,” he said amazed as he got down on one knee in front of her, grabbing the piece of paper from her hands.

Of course, none of the words were spelled correctly – but up until this point he had only ever seen her spell her own name, which was pretty simple. 

“It’s for you.” Jas’ eyes beamed with pride, and his reaction made her blush.

“You know,” he said while ruffling her hair. “No one ever gave me a note with my name on it before.”

“I gave one to miss Penny too. She said I did really good!”

Shane raised his palm to give her a high five, and Jas happily obliged. He got back up on his feet and stretched.

“You’re a pirate,” Jas said suddenly. “And I’m the captain of the ship. You have to walk the plank.”

“I really want to play with you, kid.” He really did. “But if we want there to be flowers at the flower festival, I need to carry _those_ ,” he nodded towards the barrels, “to the field.”

“Can I come? Please? Pretty please?”

“What about Miss Penny? Won’t she miss you?”

“She’s doing math with Vincent. She said I don’t have to because I already know how to add.”

The corners of his mouth curved into a slight smile. This kid was so fucking _smart_ , and his heart was flying. If Jason was here, he’d be beaming with pride.

“Right, well. Then I have to go tell Miss Penny that you’re coming with me, so she won’t worry about you.”

Shane bit his lip as he knocked on the door frame of the kitchen. Why the fuck was he knocking? He _lived_ here.

“Hi.” He rubbed his hand up and down on his chin while speaking, realizing he should probably shave before the dance. “Uh, I’m bringing Jas with me to the field – if – if that’s okay?.”

Penny looked up at him, and her eyes widened a bit as she sat up straight and cleared her throat. She looked all tense _now_ , but before he said anything she had been leaning over the kitchen table with Vincent, smiling and laughing.

“Okay,” she said shortly. She looked like a deer in headlights.

Shane cleared his throat and wet his lips, slowly backing out. “Right, well – I’ll see you around.”  
  
“She’s a good kid,” Penny said loudly – awkwardly – as he turned his back to her. “But she worries a lot. An awful lot. Keep that in mind.”

 _Dagger to the fucking heart_. As much as he wanted to tell himself that Penny had _no_ right, he knew that she did. She saw Jas for hours, five days a week – sometimes more. Hell, since they got here she had probably spent more time with Jas than he had the past four _years._

Shane didn’t answer. It was a good thing Penny and Vincent was between him and his bedroom, because he could _really_ go for a can of beer just about now. He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed, before he walked back outside to pretend _that_ didn’t just happen.

* * *

He hadn’t seen her around much these past few weeks. She hadn’t dropped by the saloon at least. Once in a while she had stopped by Jojo Mart to buy more frozen dishes, but she didn’t need ‘ _expert help’_ anymore. She often stopped to chat with Sam, and Shane wasn’t interested in a three-way conversation featuring Smiley-fucking-McGee.

She hadn’t seen him when she got here. Why would she? They had one and a half interaction _weeks_ ago. She had probably forgotten that he existed at this point. He had done her a favor by being an asshole.

He wasn’t going to talk to her, but he just wanted to pass by her and see if she would approach him once she noticed he was there. So, he made his way over.

But then he saw this _huge_ fucking spider in her hair. The way she whimpered when he touched her hair made him weak to the knees. Thankfully – before things got more awkward than they needed to be – Jas had come to the rescue.

Now, Shane sat on the edge of Jas’ bed. She was out cold.

“G’night kid,” Shane whispered softly, before getting on his feet, He walked silently out of her room – leaving the door half-shut, the way she liked it.

As he entered the kitchen he had an unpleasant flashback to earlier, when Penny had more or less crushed him. He almost forgot about that. Now that sinking feeling washed over him again. Like one of those nightmares where something is chasing you, but you can’t move.

Marnie’s soft footsteps approached the kitchen. He could hear by the way she walked that she was tired too. Shane sat down and rested his arms on the table, looking down at his hands. They were dirty after being outside all day. He should probably scrub them – or preferably jump in the shower or have a bath.

He smelled like sweat and grass.

  
  
“Shane,” Marnie said softly. “I’m glad you’re home tonight.”  
  
_Fuck_. Nothing ever made him want to drink more than moments like these. Didn’t she _realize_ that?

“Yeah,” he mumbled dryly, keeping his eyes fixed on his hands.

“Jas had a really _good_ time with you today. I could tell. You’re good with her.”  
  
Shane exhaled sharply. He couldn’t help but laugh.  
  
“The _best_.” One could taste the sarcasm in his voice.

Marnie sighed, pulled out a chair and sat down. _What the fuck was up with women in this kitchen today making him feel like absolute and utter shit? He’d been having a good fucking day!_

“Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re doing good when you’re actually trying.”

He didn’t respond. If he did, he would’ve blown up.

 _‘When you’re actually trying’_. That was the fucking problem. He – _never_ \- fucking – tried – and now that he had, the blow would just be twice as hard for Jas when he wasn’t around tomorrow – or the day after that, or the day after that _._

He pushed his chair back and got up on his feet.  
  
“I’m going out,” he muttered, heading towards his room to grab his bottle of whiskey. For once wasn’t feeling the need to get fucked up, he just needed to feel less.

When he passed Marnie in the kitchen again, he didn’t look at her. But he could feel her eyes on him – and it fucking hurt.

The dock was his favorite place this time of night. It was dusk, and quiet, but the weather was still warm. He could be alone with his thoughts here, and often they were kinder to him here.

His mind could wander off to wonder weird shit like how something as small as cicadas could make that much noise, or why getting drunk made him feel like his head was under water.

Shane made his way to the edge of the dock and sat down as unscrewed the bottle of whiskey. He couldn’t remember when he bought this – because he did _buy_ this, not steal it. The whiskey was smoked, so it smelled like cigarettes - and that reminded him of Jason.

Jason’s _one_ fucking flaw was his smoking habit. He only did it when they got drunk. After he died, Shane had made sure to always keep a bottle of smoked whiskey. When it was all too much he could open it, close his eyes and it was just as if he was sitting next to Jason.

So that’s what he did. He pulled off his socks and pulled his pants up, letting his feet hang down from the dock and into the water, keeping the bottle of whiskey between his legs – and he closed his eyes.

“Hi,” a voice suddenly sounded behind him.   
  
He inhaled sharply. _Fuck_ , he hated that. He felt like he was slipping or some shit.

As hard as he tried, he couldn’t make himself tell her to fuck off. Not while he could still smell Jason – not when he heard the _insecurity_ in hervoice.  
  
“Are you stalking me now, or something?” He turned to look at her, leaning back on his elbow. She just stood there, a few feet behind him. Her pupils jumped around in her eyes. She was clearly avoiding meeting his. He’d never seen her look this lost before.  
  
His gaze lingered on her lips as she sucked in the bottom lip between her teeth. She looked so fucking insecure, and he couldn’t stand it. It drove him insane, it _really_ pissed him off. What was with everyone today? Did he grow horns or whatever?

He rolled his eyes and scooched over, gesturing for her to sit.  
  
“ _Jesus,_ ” he whispered under his breath as she made her way over to him. He turned his head back to take in the view. Her body didn’t make a sound as she sat down and slid her feet out from under her knees, dipping her toes in the water. She sat closer than he had intended, but he wasn’t about to protest.

_Thud._

The sudden noise made Shane tense up. He looked down between them where the noise came from and saw that she brought a sixpack of Chili Blonde – his favorite beer.  
  
“Fuck, you really _are_ stalking me, aren’t you?” Shane mumbled, trying to swallow his smile.

“Who said it was for you?” A sly smile crept over her lips. Shane cocked an eyebrow in response but in doing so, the corners of his mouth started fluttering. It was _painfully_ obvious that he wanted to smile.  
  
Daphne shrugged.

“I thought it would be nice to bring this on the off chance that you were here.” She gestured to him. “And here you are. In all your glory.”

He liked it when she was teasing him.

She pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and gestured them towards Shane. He shook his head politely, which was uncharacteristic for him. Daphne looked almost as surprised by it as he was.  
  
“I don’t do that shit.”

Her tongue pushed into her cheek, before she gave him that sly half-smile again.

“Neither do I,” she said as she placed the cigarette between her lips before lighting it up. He looked at her, tilting his head and cocking his eyebrow.  


Shane rested his body on his elbows behind his back. He was surprisingly relaxed and enjoying the company. The whiskey he’d been drinking almost most certainly had a role to play in that. He couldn’t deny that he was warming up to her, either.

Shane tilted the whiskey he held between his knees towards Daphne to offer her a sip, and she happily obliged. His eyes lingered on the bottle as she put it to her lips. He thought back to middle school, when sharing a bottle would usually be followed up with ‘ _ew, now it’s like we just made out’._

“Buh… Life.” Shane barely even registered that he was speaking. He looked at her from the corner of his eye.  
  
“You ever feel like.. no matter what you do, you’re gonna fail? Like you’re stuck in some… miserable abyss and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day?”

He reached his hand out to demand his bottle back and took a big sip.  
  
“I just feel like no matter how hard I try… I’m just not strong enough to climb that hole.”  
  
She didn’t say a word. Instead, she sat there silently. He looked over at her, and her eyes were fixed on the cigarette in her hand. Was he freaking her out?

Shane stared at the lake for what felt like ten minutes before the small hiss of an opened beer can drew his attention back to reality. She opened one of the Chili Blondes and downed it in one sitting. Shane nodded approvingly. _Damn._ He hadn’t expected that to be so hot – but then again he hadn’t really thought about it before.

“Heh… Fast drinker, huh? Woman after my own heart.”

His eyes lingered on her – young and beautiful – not a worn-down piece of shit like him, or Pam. He wouldn’t be good for her. He’d never want to mess her up. If they got close, he’d mess her up.

“Just don’t make it a habit,” he warned. “You still got a future ahead of you.”

“What - and _you_ don’t?” she snapped back.

He raised his shoulders to his ears and took another sip of whiskey.  
  
“I refuse to believe you’re _that_ much older than me.”

Realistically, he probably wasn’t _that_ much older. He turned thirty-one just a few days ago. No one in town knew but Marnie, so it had passed without too much of a fuzz. It probably would have anyway, but this way he didn’t have to feel bad about it. Shane eyed her. She was probably in her early-to-mid-twenties.

He’d probably dropped out of college by the time she was a freshman. The silence between them was heavy and uncomfortable. Shane found himself seriously considering leaving – but what were his alternatives, really? Drink in his room all night? _No thanks._

“So, is that what your deal is?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“The dark and mysterious ‘leave me alone, woe is me’-shit you’re pulling. Is that your thing?”  
  
_That was fucking embarrassing._ She hit the nail on the head. Shane sucked on his teeth, not knowing where to look or what to say.   
  
“Look,” she continued. “Yeah, I do feel like nothing fucking matters and like my life won’t go anywhere.”

It was a fucking _rhetorical_ question. He didn’t _actually_ want an answer.

“I stopped feeling sorry for myself a long time ago. Maybe it’s about time you do, too.”

“Come back to me when you’ve fucking lost everything,” he snapped. Whatever this interaction was, it was over. Shane fumbled around stupidly to gather his jacket and whiskey.   
  
She got up before he had the chance to. His eyes followed her as she threw her arms out to her sides. Now _he was the one looking like a deer in headlights._  
  
“Why the _fuck_ do you think I’m _here_ , Shane?”

Was she talking about the dock with him, or the valley? Ugh, didn’t matter. Now he felt like a fucking idiot.

  
“Keep the beer,” she said coldly, as she turned to leave.

“It’s a gift.” 


	7. Docks and Damsels in Distress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daphne feels bad about the way she acted and turns back to apologize, and it turns out to be an intimate affair - in more than one way.

It didn’t take her long to regret it. The man was clearly depressed, and she shot him down the second he started talking about it? What the fuck was wrong with her? Where the fuck did that come from? And she gave him _beer?_

 _‘Good on you for enabling his alcohol addiction, Daphne,’_ she berated herself. ‘ _You’re such a fucking idiot.’_

It all just made her so angry, she couldn’t help it. He lived with his aunt – he had a fucking _kid._ He had family around him that cared for him and wanted to spend time with him. Most days she spent either _alone_ , or superficially chatting up neighbors.

A few times a week she’d hang out at Alex’s place, but Haley wasn’t too happy about it. She made that very clear with the daggers she shot at her every time she had a conversation with Alex in her presence.

Daphne tried _really_ hard not to think about Shane as she stomped along the path back up to her farm. It was freaking impossible. The entire conversation played like a movie in her head. He looked embarrassed – maybe even humiliated. She couldn’t leave things like that?

This was pathetic. She felt like a defiant teenager,- she accused him of being dramatic, while she stormed off because he was _sad,_ and she didn’t feel like he had a right to be?

She stopped and bit the inside of her cheek as she closed her eyes. Her shoulders rose with her inhale and dropped as she exhaled slowly. Fuck it.

 _He_ was the certified asshole, and she wasn’t about to let him turn her into one too.

She hadn’t really gotten far, so the walk back to the docks was just a few minutes. He was still sitting there. When she decided to come down here earlier, she had hoped to run into him.

“Sorry,” she blurted out from ten feet away once she reached the dock.  
  
Shane froze for a second. Then he broke down laughing.  
  
“Two times in thirty minutes? What - are you _in love_ with me or something?”  
  
While he sounded almost cheerful in at first, he spat every single word after ‘love’.  
  
“Enamored,” she answered jokingly. “I really am, though.”  
  
Daphne didn’t realize how that last sentence could be misinterpreted until he turned around and looked like he’d seen a ghost.  
  
“ _Sorry_ , I mean. I really am _sorry_.”

He let out a sigh of relief. Daphne wanted to roll her eyes and ask him sarcastically if he could _be_ any happier that she didn’t like him, but she didn’t want to ruin the mood.

“Don’t be.” 

Daphne walked back to the spot she’d been sitting in. He didn’t stop her.  
  
“You do realize this is the moment, though?”

As she spoke, she looked at him from the corner of her eyes. Daphne sucked her lips into her mouth trying to conceal a smile, but she wasn’t doing a very good job. 

“What moment?”  
  
“This is the moment when you fall in love with me.”

He scoffed, taking another sip of the bottle in his hands before he held it out to her again, offering her another sip. Daphne gladly accepted it, even if drinking with him wasn’t exactly a kindness. He was an adult – she wasn’t planning on micromanaging the life of what was virtually a stranger.

“Can I ask you something?” He turned his head and looked directly into her eyes as he spoke. Daphne leaned away from him, suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable.  
  
“Yeah, sure.”  
  
“Why are you here?”  
  
“I wanted to apologize.”  
  
“Yeah, but _why_ did you come down here in the _first_ place?”  
  
His eyebrows furrowed, but he looked more sad than annoyed. Daphne didn’t have a good answer. She just felt compelled to.  
  
“I’d say I was looking for somewhere quiet, but if I’m honest,- I guess I was looking for you.”  
  
Shane didn’t exactly look surprised. She couldn’t really get a read. Disappointment?

What did he expect her to answer? It should have been obvious. She even brought the beer _specifically_ for him. Which,- in hindsight,- had not been a good idea. 

“Why?”  
  
“I guess you being a douche has become more endearing than off-putting,” she teased him.

He looked strictly at her from under his eyebrows.

Shane _was_ endearing to her. There was no sense to it, but he was.

When she was a freshman in high school she met a girl – Bea – who was a lot like Shane. Everything about her was a red flag right from the start. Bea had been the matador and Daphne had been the bull – and for years Bea maneuvered her around – steering her exactly where she wanted her to go.

Shane had the same red flags. That alone should be well enough reason to run in the opposite direction every time she saw him.

But there was something precious about her relationship with Bea that she’d longed for ever since they stopped talking. She made Daphne feel _so_ special. Like she was the only person in the world worthwhile.  
  
Daphne realized she’d been looking at Shane the entire time. She wasn’t sure if he’d noticed. He was looking at the water, not at her.  
  
“I’m sorry too.”

She hadn’t expected that.  
  
“I get caught up in my own shit. Guess part of it is that I don’t want anyone else to get caught up in it with me.” Shane sighed.

“Like Marnie. She’s a fucking saint. I come crashing into her life, kid in hand and just leave her with Marnie all day. Never _once_ has she complained! And what do I do? I sit here, or at the saloon, and I drink all my money away. She’s barely even allowing me to pay rent, as long as I ‘ _help with the chickens.’_ ” He air-quoted the last part.  
  
She kept her eyes glued him as he talked and made sure to not make a sound. Part of her wanted to ask follow-up questions. But she didn’t. She was afraid that she’d break whatever spell he was under that made him pour all this out like a leaky faucet.

* * *

They had been sitting there for a while – passing the bottle of whiskey between them, not really saying much. She hadn’t felt this relaxed in a while. While she loved being around Alex and his grandparents, the constant thought of Haley made her constantly uneasy.

“So,” Shane said, breaking the silence between them. “What’s your problem?”

Daphne pushed her head back and raised her eyebrows in surprise. Shane turned his head to look at her,- visibly biting the inside of his cheek.

“Oh, come _on –_ I showed you mine, now you have to show me yours.” He laughed at his own joke. Daphne could feel the blood rushing to her face.

“I – uh.” She took a deep breath. Fuck, when was the last time she said this out loud? “My mom died.”

Shane’s face fell, and he suddenly looked very serious.

“Shit – I’m sorry.”

“It was a while back. Cancer.”

Shane tilted the bottle in her direction again, and she grabbed it.

“My best friend lost his brother to cancer, it’s a nasty fucking disease.” He looked at her with serious eyes. “I’m really fucking sorry you had to go through that.”

Daphne shook her head as if to tell him not to worry before she took another sip. This time she held the bottle to her lips for a _long_ time, allowing the liquid to burn down her throat. Shane put his hand on the bottle to tilt it down.  
  
“Hey, easy now – this shit is strong.”

Daphne shuddered for a second after swallowing. That felt nice. For a second she wanted to say that she understood why he bought it, but remembering his very _real_ addiction issues, she stopped herself. Alcoholism wasn’t something to base your jokes on. She still felt like an idiot for buying him beer.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Daphne said. “Tell me something nice.”

“Only if you can keep a secret.”  
  
“I’m _the best_ at keeping secrets.”

“I’m raising blue chickens.”

“ _What?_ Wait, say that again,” Daphne laughed, as she opened a can of beer. She signaled for him to say it again while she was drinking.  
  
He rolled his eyes. “I’m raising blue chickens,” he mumbled unenthusiastically.  
  
Daphne spit the beer from her mouth, but miscalculated how far she would spit, so she ended up drowning both herself and Shane in beer. He raised his arm to cover himself, but his fate was sealed. There was nothing any of them could do. 

“Thanks,” he said sarcastically, before changing the topic of conversation. “Hey, do you know what your name means?”

She was intrigued at the mention of her name’s meaning two times in one day. Leah told her it was the name of a nymph or whatever.

“Eh – no, not really. Leah said something about nymphs earlier.”

“Laurel tree.”

“What about it?”  
  
“Daphne – it means laurel tree.” He grinned. “Fuck, here I thought maybe we could have an intelligent conversation. Guess I was wrong.”

She let out a cackle and surprised herself with how loud it was. Especially considering how unfunny it was.

“How do you know what my name means?” Daphne teased him.

Shane looked up at her with a look on his face that made it look like she’d just caught him shoplifting.

“I don’t know.” He pulled on his words, trying to sound innocent. “Your name’s fucking weird, alright?”

Daphne gasped dramatically and used her hands to support herself as she pulled her legs out of the water and sat up on her knees. She pushed his shoulder playfully.  
  
“Oh, my – you _love_ me,” she teased him as she kept pushing his shoulders rhythmically. Shane grabbed her wrists in an effort to make her stop. He pulled her arms down and looked her dead in the eyes, and very seriously said:  
  
“Not yet.”

The silence fell between them again, as Daphne fell back to sit on her heels – Shane still holding her by the wrists. She could feel his thumb gently moving up into her palms, which were becoming sweatier by the second.

Daphne was pretty sure she could have drowned in his eyes – they were so soft now; she’d never seen his eyes like that before. She could feel his hands beat hard and fast through his palms – or was that her own?

Suddenly she noticed how _beautiful_ he was. His eyes were red, and his face was puffy, but she could see the beauty in him. And by the way he was looking at her, she was pretty sure he could see the beauty in her too.

Shane wet his lips, and Daphne bit hers. Her breath was getting shaky. He smelled like whiskey and beer, but she could also smell the grass on him from earlier.

A hellish grin appeared on his face from out of nowhere. Daphne didn’t even have a chance to react before she felt a pull – and suddenly she found herself in the lake. It was freezing cold.

“What the _fuck,_ Shane,” she screamed, angrily splashing water in his direction. He moved close to her and placed his index finger over her lips, shushing her.

“You’re going to wake up everyone in the fucking valley if you keep screaming like that,” he whispered.

Daphne opened her mouth wide enough for his finger to slip in – his entire body froze as she did. Not a second later she bit down on his finger – hard,- and Shane pulled his finger out on reflex.  
  
“ _Fuck,”_ he said, seriousness returning to both his voice and his face now. “That hurt!”

He shook his finger, and Daphne moved her arms – desperately trying to keep her head over water. It wasn’t that she was too drunk to swim, but her arms still felt jelly after their moment,- there was no force behind any of her movements.

Eventually she did make it back to the wooden construction Shane had just thrown them off of, and she turned to look at him.  
  
“I can’t pull myself up, help me,” she demanded as she reached out her arm to grab him.

Shane rolled his eyes again – he seemed to do that a lot – and grabbed her waist from behind, plowing her towards the dock. Daphne could feel the panic coming on,- he was going to push her under the dock; he was drunk. What the fuck had she been thinking asking _him_ for help?

She started squirming in his arms, demanding he stopped.

“Jesus, fucking relax,” he whispered, bending down so he could speak directly into her ear. His breath tickled on her neck, which made her body suddenly feel warm. Shane’s hands were firmly gripping her waist, and she was floating in the water between him and the dock.

He turned her around and let go of her as he reached up to grip the edge of the dock. Daphne’s head was directly aligned with his chest, and she could see the muscle tone in his arms as he was holding on to the wooden construction. He wasn’t looking down at her, but rather up.  
  
“Climb up on my shoulders,” he said with a strained voice.

“ _What?”_ she asked in disbelief.  
  
“I said _climb – up – on – my – shoulders._ ” He looked down on her. “Sometimes you’re making me wonder if you’re slow or something,” he said dryly.

Daphne did as she was told and pulled herself up on him. Her body was fairly easy to maneuver in the water, compared to how she felt trying to balance on top of his shoulder in her wet clothes and with her shaky legs,- but she managed.

She laid back on the dock for a second, breathing heavily. Shane pulled himself up and laid down next to her with his arms on the sides of his body.

Daphne slid her hand over, gently touching his hand with the side of her index finger when he jerked back. He sat up and sighed, clamping his hands on the back of his head while he bowed down to bury his head between his knees. Daphne studied him as he sat like that for what seemed like an eternity.  
  
“I’m gonna go,” he mumbled suddenly, as he got up on his feet. Daphne wanted to stop him,- ask him what the fuck this was all about,- why he was suddenly leaving – but she found herself speechless.

As he walked away leaving her on the dock, she was still breathing heavy. She ran her index finger gently down her arm, feeling the tingle in her _entire_ body.

_Shit._


	8. The One Where Shane is an Asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would like to refer back to the title.

His head was thumping, but Shane had experienced worse headaches. Hell – his entire life was a headache ten times worse than this particular one. _He_ hadn’t even really been that drunk, which was a good thing – because if he had been, things would have gone to shit. She flirted with him – he was _pretty_ sure she had flirted with him, and he’d gone too far – he’d flirted back, and he almost let himself get carried away.

The image of her,- the waterdrops on her bare skin, the way her clothes _clung_ on her body – her eyes, her fucking _eyes_ looking up at him, as he towered over her. He’d nearly lost it maybe four- or five-times last night. She was just the kind of girl who could eat you alive, and you’d let her – and enjoy every second of it. If Shane had been any drunker, he would have been completely unable to control himself. He hadn’t _wanted_ someone in a long – _long_ time, - he always figured those days were behind him. He was perfectly content keeping it that way, he had been _just_ fine like that - if you disregarded his depression, anger-issues, suicidal tendencies and debilitating alcoholism.

Shane was a disruptive force. He swept into people’s lives, and he ruined them – one by one, and because he was so _sad_ they always felt too bad to say anything. He’d done it to Jason, he’d done it to all his roommates and ‘ _girlfriends’_ in his twenties – his current victim was Marnie. Jas was just unlucky enough to be along for the ride because her _asshole_ of a father insisted that Shane would manage to stay sober this time, not thinking _once_ about what his _death_ would do to Shane.

He turned his head to look at the alarm clock beside his bed, squinting to try and read the red numbers, because his eyes were dry, and he couldn’t see properly. 7:15 . His shift didn’t start until 9, so he still had some time to wallow in his own misery. Shane could still smell the alcohol on him, and as he ran his fingers through his hair he realized that it was still damp after last night. He had to shower and brush his teeth before going to work. Those were the little things he found particularly tiring – everything that had to with taking care of _himself_.

His eyes closed, and he realized that he had to get up if he was going to make it to work. Today his body didn’t feel too bad, but his anxiety was through the roof. There were two levels to Shane’s drinking – the one where he drank to _function_ , and because enjoyed it and it made him feel less lonely, and then there was the one where he drank as much as he could because wanted to stop existing. The latter hadn’t happened for a while – not since he came here, anyhow.

As he sat up in his bed, Shane found himself smiling when he thought back to his time in college. He had a problem back then too – and the depression far predated his alcohol issues, but he’d been a _happy_ drunk. Instead of drowning, he partied every single night, until Jason started to catch on – which honestly wasn’t very long. Once Jason confronted him, Shane began to drink in hiding. It didn’t work very well, but there was nothing Jason could do to stop him, so he kept it going for a few years – Jason made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere, but that he wouldn’t drink with him anymore. Those years when they lived together were probably the best damn years of his life.

He missed that asshole. If someone told him the day they met that he’d become Shane’s person, he wouldn’t have believed it. He wasn’t proud of it, but Shane was the certified school bully, - everything he had learned about relationships as a kid was ‘if I don’t get my way, I’m gonna bash your head in’. So that’s what Shane did. He was an extremely violent child, and he kept getting kicked out of schools – and then he went home, and his father kicked him. Eventually, he ended up in the same school as Jason – but Jason was a year older than him, so they weren’t in the same grade. It was high school, but Shane had been kicked out of so many schools and failed so many classes that even if there was only a year between them, Shane had still been a freshman when Jason was a junior.

Everything about Jason just rubbed him the wrong way. He was _easy_ , he was on the gridball-team, he was popular – Shane knew the very first day they met that he’d beat that kid. So, he tried, but Jason behaved differently. He didn’t strike him back, not even once. Once he realized what Shane was doing he just stood there and took it. Then Shane had started to hit the wall instead, because it felt _wrong_ to punch someone who wasn’t going to fend for themselves. Shane asked what the fuck was wrong with him, and Jason just shrugged:

_“I figured you needed a punching bag – and I can take it.”_

Shane stood in front of the mirror and looked at himself. He wiped a tear, - and then he finally snapped back into reality. He wasn’t in high school, and Jason was dead – and Shane had to shower and brush his teeth before work.

When he was finally clean, he slipped into his uniform and walked into the kitchen. Marnie and Jas were already well into breakfast, and they both smiled at him. He was in a mood, but he smiled as good as he could – barely curving his lips, just lifting his cheeks and wrinkling his nose. Jas took it as him making a face at her, and she made the same face back.

“Vincent said that you looked weird in a shirt,” Jas stated simply, looking at him.

“I told him he was weird.”

This time Shane _did_ intentionally make that face. “You’re right. He _is_ weird.”

“Shane,” Marnie scolded.

Shane leaned forward to grab the box of cereal. “What?” 

“You’re going to teach her that it’s okay to say these things.”

He shrugged. “She was standing up for me Marnie – and I commend her for it.”

“Thank you.” Jas’ face lit up.

“You could have just told him that you thought your Uncle Shane looked very nice in his clothes, Jas.”

Jas shrugged it off.

“Miss Penny told us yesterday that we had to draw our favorite thing for school today.”

Shane spoke with cereal in his mouth. “Yeah? What’d you draw?”

Jas looked like she was thinking really hard, and then she got up and went into the hallway to start digging through her backpack. She emerged mere seconds later, with a drawing in her hands. There were a lot of colors – not that many defined lines.

“Uh – what is it?” Shane asked, cocking an eyebrow as he looked at it, trying to tilt it around until it made sense. 

“It’s a unicorn who is also a power ranger and is also a chicken dinosaur.”

“What?”

“Those are my favorite things,” Jas stated simply – as if it was the most natural thing in the world to draw a blob of colors and call it a unicorn-power ranger-chicken-dinosaur. 

Shane handed the drawing back to her. “Okay. Well, I have to admit, Jas – it’s not your best work.”

“ _Shane!_ ”

“No sense in lying to the girl, Marnie. It’s _pretty_ shit - can’t even see what it _is_.”

He got up and put his arm around Jas and kissed the top of her head.

“Besides, she has other talents.”

Jas turned her head to smile up at him.

“Miss Penny said she thinks I’ll be good at karate. She said she would look up some moves and teach me”

“Well - make sure you show me when she does.”  
  
Jas nodded eagerly. Shane kissed the top of her head again.

“Gotta go to work, kid. See you tomorrow! Bye, Marnie!” Then he was off.

* * *

**Summer**

Spring turned to summer. Shane couldn’t really tell the difference, but Mayor Lewis kept posting these weird seasonal calendars on the bulletin board outside of Pierre’s. He had even noted down people’s birthdays. Shane’s hadn’t been on it and while he was glad it hadn’t – he couldn’t help but wonder whether it was because he didn’t know, or simply because he didn’t like Shane. Either way – if he didn’t like him, the feeling was mutual, so Shane didn’t really give a fuck. If he didn’t know, he preferred to keep it that way.

It was the first Friday of summer, and it was a nice day – at least until he was off work. Sam had been following him around all day talking about some ‘ _gig’_ in the city this weekend and asking him if he wanted to tag along – an offer which Shane not-so-politely turned down. He’d been in a good mood lately. His drinking hadn’t been so heavy, and he’d been spending a lot of time with Jas. She usually made him feel good. He did notice some behavioral issues which he figured boiled down her being dealt a shitty hand when they assigned godfathers – but she’d been getting better. More importantly, he was getting better.

Plus, she wrote his name correctly the other day. Not the “uncle” part, but his actual name. That had been nice.

Shane was kind of aimlessly wandering around after work. The heat just knocked him out, he couldn’t think properly. He knew he was going to the saloon tonight, as he did most nights – and he knew he had to change first, because the uniform was killing him. Morris enforced a strict dress code, and it was the same all year around – which meant that it was pretty much either too hot or too cold. At least Jojo Mart had air conditioning, unlike the rest of the town. Sometimes he could’ve sworn he’d traveled to a land where time just stood still, and the seasons changed without anything else changing much.

Another reason for his good mood was that his ‘avoid the farmer’-mission had been pretty successful. He hadn’t really seen her – not even in passing – since that day. Him very actively avoiding almost all previous meeting points had probably played a great part in it, but Shane also figured she had to be busy with the seasons changing and what not. She hadn’t been at the saloon at all. Then again, he’d only run into her a handful of times before, so he had no idea what her schedule was like – for all he knew, she could have skipped town by now.

Like on cue – when he passed Pierre’s – he could suddenly hear the bell ring and there she was.

“Hey,” she said enthusiastically.

He could feel his muscles tense just by the sound of her voice. She was already extremely annoying, and the peppiness in her voice just made her even worse.

Shane looked at her with a blank stare and his hands in his pockets – his voice dry:

“What do you want?”

Daphne’s face fell – and Shane instantly felt bad. _Jesus._ His shoulders dropped and he sighed.

“Hi.”

Shane had been caught up in the physical part of it. The touching, the flirting, the teasing – he could barely stop thinking about it the day after. It wasn’t until he _relieved_ himself that he could let it go – so that’s what he did. Looking at her now, he felt like he’d invaded her privacy. In his mind – his _fantasy_ – she’d been a hot magic pixie dream girl or whatever – but now she suddenly just looked human, and he was ashamed.

More importantly, seeing how she greeted him, he realized that she’d probably been found the events on the dock more friendly than anything – which somehow just made everything worse. It was harder to get rid of someone trying to be your friend. Still, he didn’t like making her feel bad.

Daphne suddenly smiled again – albeit with a little less pep than before – and then lifted the bags she was holding in her hands up, as if Shane couldn’t possibly see them when she was holding them normally.

“I just bought a _bunch_ of red cabbage-seeds.”

Shane looked down at the bags and then back at her but didn’t respond – he just nodded his head awkwardly.

“They were pretty freaking expensive – had to dip into my savings, but like- _these_ babies are totally going to pay for my new kitchen, once they’re ready for harvest.”

“Good luck with that,” Shane shrugged – this time not to _seem_ uninterested, but because he didn’t know what else to say. He rolled his shoulders and shifted his head from side to side, trying to release some of the muscle tension.

He studied her as she stood there in silence for a second, just awkwardly bobbing her head. Her smile was pretty genuine, and he found himself completely unable to understand why someone would be genuinely happy to be around him – but who was he to judge, right?

And he hadn’t noticed before, but - her nostrils were unevenly shaped and kind of flared when she smiled, something that probably happened to most people – but he’d never really studied anyone this closely before. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail that slapped her chin as she bobbed her head. _How_ did she not find that annoying? He was annoyed just looking at it. It made him want to push his _own_ hair back.

“So – are you heading home?” Daphne asked, abruptly ending his train of thought. She took half a step back and looked him up and down, which made him blush – before he realized that he was wearing a uniform, and she was asking if he was going home or if his shift was starting.

“Do you want to walk with me? I can go the long way ‘round.” The way she almost sang that last line had Shane convinced that she was teasing him, like he was a horse, and she was dangling a carrot in front of him to see if he’d come. Except it wasn’t a carrot, it was her company – and he _didn’t want it._

Instinctively he answered a simple ‘nope’ and pointed with his head towards the saloon. Daphne turned and shifted awkwardly when she realized. “I see,” she mumbled.

Shane squinted his eye, looking curiously at her for a second – wondering about her reaction, but then she just shrugged it off. “Well, I’ll see you there later tonight then – I guess.”

The pause before she said ‘I guess’ was strangely long.

“Looks like you’re going to be busy,” Shane blurted out, without even thinking. For a second she looked at him confused, but when he looked down at the bags in her hand Daphne just laughed.

“There’s no way – _no_ way – I’d be able to get these sowed today. I haven’t even shaped the soil for them yet!”  
  
“Seems risky.”

“Hmm?” Daphne cocked her head, not sure what he meant.  
  
“Using your _savings_ to buy tons of seeds you’re not even _ready_ to plant?” His voice was dry, and what he had almost intended to be a joke – and maybe a slight guilt trip, on the off chance that she’d realize he was right and stay home, suddenly came off mean.

“Hey - fuck off, what I do with _my_ savings is _none_ of your fucking business.”

Daphne _sounded_ more playful than offended, but there was something about the look in her eye that just shifted – her brows furrowed, and Shane could tell that he’d overstepped.

For once he didn’t mean to, but the damage was done so he rolled with it. He raised his hands like he was surrendering, the same way she’d done when she first approached him in the beginning of spring.

“Well, _fuck_ farmer – no need to get your panties in a twist.”

Now the playfulness had completely disappeared from her voice. He could tell she was angry. Her nostrils were still flaring, but in a different way. Shane could suddenly notice patches of freckles on her face that he was pretty sure hadn’t been there the last time he met her. She was wrinkling her nose a bit and her upper lip twitched almost unnoticeably – if he hadn’t already been staring at them, he wouldn’t have seen it, and then her lips moved – breaking the trance.

“Good- _bye_ , Shane.”

Not bye or see you later, but _goodbye_. It sounded so much more permanent when she said it like that, but maybe that was the point? He stood there for a second, gawking as she walked away. He touched the base of his neck and let his head fall back. Shane wanted to make some kind of loud noise of frustration, but he couldn’t – that would be fucking weird, he was right outside Pierre’s. He wondered if he looked as stupid as he felt and looked over to see his reflection in Pierre’s window concluding pretty quickly that he absolutely did.

That’s when he realized to what extent he had fucked up. He’d have to wear his uniform. She’d know he’d been lying, and he’d just make her feel even worse – _fuck._ He could feel himself tugging insecurely at his earlobe and realized he hadn’t done that in a while. Instead, he rubbed his hand over his face and decided to head to the saloon. He had no one to blame but himself.

* * *

He'd turned his sweatshirt inside out so he wouldn’t be a walking commercial for Joja – it was embarrassing enough to work there in the first place. His cap was placed on the seat next to him, so for anyone who wasn’t standing too close – which no one ever did, he looked normal. Inappropriately dressed for the weather, but _normal_.

He was on his – uh, eight beer? Something like that? He’d been sitting here for four hours drinking pretty slowly, so when he did the math he estimated two _maybe_ three per hour. There was no way he had twelve beers though, he could only feel a pretty heavy buzz. He wasn’t drunk yet. One of the very few perks of an alcohol problem was that his tolerance was pretty high. His liver didn’t necessarily think that to be a perk, but that wasn’t _his_ problem. If his liver wanted to give out, the liver would give out.

Every time the bell rang to signal someone coming in, Shane almost jumped out of his chair. He had been _such_ an asshole to Daphne earlier and she had done nothing to deserve that. For once in his life Shane decided it was time to be a decent guy and at the very least apologize – maybe say it had been a shit day at work or whatever. It wouldn’t be a lie, that would be the truth just about every day of the week.

He had planned everything out in his head. She would come in, and she would either head directly to the bar or find somewhere to sit – didn’t matter. If she saw him, she would probably ignore him – still pissed, so her approaching him wasn’t really a likely option. Once she wasn’t paying close attention, he’d signal for Emily to bring him two beers. When he got them, he’d go over to wherever she was sitting and place the bear in front of her and say, ‘truce?’ – and then she would laugh, and he would sit down for a while. He wouldn’t stay for long, because he didn’t want her to get the wrong impression – but then she wouldn’t feel shitty, and neither would he.

The bell rang again, and Shane widened his eyes in irritation – _Jesus_ this was a town of like what, _nine_ households? How many more people could possibly come in here now? As good as everyone was here, and he was fairly sure she was coming – especially after today. She struck him as the stubborn time, who would come just because he insinuated that she probably shouldn’t. People like that were the _worst._

This time, it was the Hulk. Shane didn’t like him, but that’s because he was everything that Shane could have been. If Shane had a normal upbringing, or if Jason was still alive, he’d have finished college, maybe have a pretty girlfriend – he’d be fit and active, and if he wasn’t playing gridball professionally or on a team, he’d be playing it in his yard or somewhere else with Jason. The Hulk had _all_ of those things. And now, he paraded in here with his arm around his – Daphne?

_What?_

Shane felt sick. Maybe he had one beer too many, after all. He looked down at the beer in front of him, which was almost full – and realized that _Jesus,_ he _reeked_ of sweat and alcohol. As Daphne and Alex moved through the room together, his arm still firmly around her – the bitterness only grew. She sat down, and Alex headed over to the bar to order beers. He’d probably order two, and then he’d sit back down and put the other one in front of Daphne – exactly like Shane had planned to. But Alex wouldn't have to apologize, because he wasn't being dick.

Suddenly he realized what an idiot he was. _Obviously_ she was here to meet someone. Shane needed to stop assuming that everyone else came to drink alone just because he did. Of course she already had plans – most people did by the time they came here, unless they were pathetic loners like him. He could scream, but instead he put the glass of beer to his lips and emptied it in seconds.

He got up and stumbled to the door. They were probably on a date. Alex probably dumped that girl he’d been dating – which was idiotic, because she seemed alright, and then he asked out Daphne. They knew each other, so it made sense. Shane couldn’t blame him for it either – if he’d been any braver, or at least _half_ of what he used to be with Jason, he’d have done the same. But that wasn’t the reality.

He was a horny drunk with far-fetched fantasies about having _any_ kind of relationship with a girl like her, and he had _invaded_ her space in his dreams and fantasized about her like a pig. Even if she _had_ wanted him, he was too much of a pussy to ever allow it. He'd rather just sit at home and feel sorry for himself, getting drunk and being a constant burden for the people around him.

Shane opened the door, and just from familiarity his body became alert as he heard the noise – and then he shut the door behind him forcefully.

He sure as hell wasn’t going to stick around to watch.


	9. Kind of a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daphne is doing her best to try and support Alex as he's dealing with abrupt changes in his life. 
> 
> And when she finally comes home, she finds something surprising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick trigger warning: elaborate descriptions of abuse idolization and anxiety ahead

“Hey, D…” Alex sounded completely defeated through the phone. She’d given him her number so they could make plans once in a while, and they had been.

Just this past week she’d been over at his house for dinner every night. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she had a family. Evelyn was without a doubt the sweetest, gentlest person she had ever met. George was grouchy. As a kid she’d been afraid of him. But now, seeing how he was with Alex, and how much Alex looked up to him… she couldn’t _not_ like him.

“What’s going on? Are you doing alright?” Her voice ran over with concern. He _really_ didn’t sound okay.

She could hear him sigh through the phone. “No,” he groaned. “Can you meet me at the saloon later?”

Daphne let her eyes wander over the farm. She hadn’t even started her project. When she dropped by Pierre’s earlier to buy seeds, she realized he sold red cabbage, but there was no way she could afford it. So yesterday she bought the melons and what not, and today the plan was to return to get the red cabbage. She had needed to borrow a _lot_ some from her savings, but she’d calculated that she’d make a pretty sizeable profit.

“Sorry,” he blurted out, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. “You’re probably busy, I’ll just talk to you lat-“  
  
“No, no, that’s not it! I, uh…” Her eyes wandered to find an excuse. “Paw was just digging in my field and I had to stop him. Of course, I’ll meet you! Six o’clock?”

As she hung up the phone, she looked over at Paw. He was sitting innocently next to her on the porch. Daphne let her hand rest on top of his head for a second with a guilty expression on her face.

“Sorry, Paw. Desperate times,” she excused herself.

She leaned over him, burying her face in his fur. He was a good dog and strangely independent. She would often bring him with her when she went to Alex’s house. They had a dog too – Dusty, who wasn’t exactly the most active dog in the world – but they got along just fine, and Daphne would feel bad leaving Paw all alone on the farm all day. But Paw seemed to enjoy being alone, too.

* * *

  
Daphne arrived by the saloon just a few minutes before six. She didn’t really feel like going inside on her own. Shane would definitely be there, and he’d been such an asshole to her earlier that she was pretty sure she’d flip a table or something if he said another word to her. Now he was probably drunk, too.

It had been such a fucking dick move. She was already feeling so insecure about all of this and having spent most of her afternoons away from the farm lately, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was letting her grandfather down. It was like Shane had _smelled_ _it_ on her and struck just to wound.

It was good that he had. Because that made Daphne realize that he held the same power over her as Bea had. When he looked at her - when he wasn’t being an ass to her - she felt special. He had _searched up_ the meaning of her _name_. Then he had opened himself up to her, he had been playful with her. She hadn’t seen him smile genuinely until that night, and she felt dazed thinking that _she_ made him smile.

Then she felt herself crawling into that same damn hole, with the same obsession and fucking codependency as she’d walked down to the dock every night for a week. Daphne wanted to be his one person – the _one_ person he could stand to be around. She wanted to be special to him, because she could tell that he didn’t have anyone like that in his life for the time being. At least not here in the valley. There was the best friend he mentioned, but she hadn’t seen him with anyone here – so he still needed someone.

She wanted Shane to take the lead – to teach her what he liked, so she could morph into that and make him _happy_. Not in a sexual or romantic way, in a _human_ way.

Daphne realized it was probably due time to call her therapist again. She could hear the absurdity of her own thoughts. That didn’t stop the feeling of him beating down on her from being absolutely freaking intoxicating.

Alex made her forget _all_ of that. She didn’t feel uncomfortable around him as long as it were just the two of them. Actually, it was fine around literally _anyone_ but Haley. She had started to realize that much of the reason Haley pushed all of her buttons was that she made Daphne feel insecure and jealous.

Even if her crush on Alex was _years_ ago, Haley played directly into the trope of who a guy like him was supposed to be dating. Daphne didn’t fit into that picture. She was jealous on behalf of her teenage self.

With Alex – just Alex – she felt so safe and alive in her own body. He just made her feel like she had a _home_ and a _future_ here. He made her feel special too, but not in the same toxic and codependent way that Shane did. Alex saw _her_ and appreciated exactly who she was. He was the kind of friend she thought only existed in stories – he was just _flawless_.

When she finally spotted Alex coming from his house – after what felt like an eternity, but had probably been all of three minutes –, he looked exactly as miserable as he’d sounded on the phone. He didn’t even work to control his arms as he walked, so they kind of just dangled along his sides. His face was contorted into an emotion she’d never seen on his face before.

A sudden heaviness weighed down on her chest, her mind running with gruesome scenarios. Had something happened to Evelyn or George?

The minute between when she spotted him and when she finally caught up with him felt like it lasted forever. Something was wrong, and her mind raced through scenarios of him telling her about the most horrible things. They felt so vivid that she had to bite down hard on her lip to try and stay somewhat connected to reality. She had to concentrate so she wouldn’t stop breathing. _Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale._ That’s what they had practiced in therapy.

After her mother died, she had horrible bouts of anxiety. They didn’t come as often after she moved here. Daphne kind of felt like a different person - like she’d left most of herself behind in the city. That’s why she’d been too scared to call her brother yet – not because she actually thought he’d still be mad at her, but because he’d reconnect her with herself and she wasn’t ready for that yet. She wanted to be _this_ person for a while more.

When he was close, she started walking towards him and didn’t stop until she crashed into him. She reached her arms around in and placed her hands firmly on the back of his head, pulling his head down to rest on her shoulders. Alex let her and she could feel a faint tremble on him as he was resting on her, like he was working seriously hard to hold his composure. Then his shoulders collapsed, and with a sigh he leaned against her. Daphne hadn’t really noticed their surroundings, but she had to take a step back to be able to support his body weight, and she hit the fence of Dusty’s enclosure. If she hadn’t she’d probably have fallen back.

“Hey,” she whispered as she pulled back from the hug and grabbed his face with both her hands, sliding them down his chin and then releasing her grip on him for just a millisecond to move her hands back up and doing it all over.

“Hey, hey, hey.” She did her best to sound comforting. “What’s going on?” Her voice was soft.

Alex looked at her for a moment. There was conflict in his eyes. He pulled back from her and straightened his back, looking around before he said with a hushed voice: “Can we talk somewhere else?”

“There’s a playground up by the rundown community center. Do you want to go up there?” he asked, sliding his hands into his pockets.

She had never seen Alex look _this_ tired before. It was like he hadn’t slept in days. Daphne sent him a polite smile and bowed her head in a half-nod. “Sure.”

Once they got there, Alex sat down on one of the swings. Daphne followed him and seated herself in the other. They were surrounded by nature up here – which unfortunately also meant that the mosquitoes were flocking around them. She could _feel_ them on her skin and kept scratching all over her face and arms. Daphne didn’t usually smoke when she wasn’t drinking, but she was seriously considering lighting a cigarette just to keep them away.

She placed her hands on the slings and leaned her head into the one closest to Alex, looking expectantly at him. He looked at her through the corner of his eye as he used his feet to gently rock himself back and forth, with his hands in his lap.

Pelican Town was mostly always silent, but the silence that surrounded them now was almost overwhelming. She was afraid to speak or make any noise louder than a whisper. The only sounds she could hear were leaves rustling and pebbles crushing around underneath Alex’s feet – and a faint squeaking noise as their swings moved when they did. 

They sat there in silence for a long time. Finally, Alex reached up to grab the slings too and then he leaned back, lifting his feet off the ground. His body was stiff in the air, and she could tell by the way his muscles flexed that it was his arms - not the swing - who were supporting his body. He let himself hang like that for longer than Daphne would have been able to, until he let out a grunt as he let himself fall back down on his seat.

Then he sighed.

“Haley dumped me.”

Daphne couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief as she let go of the tension. Not that she wasn’t really sad for Alex – _she wasn’t, though –_ but considering the scenarios she had pictured; this was a _relief._

She had to say _something._ “Oh.”

Of course, it made her sad to see Alex be sad, but Daphne couldn’t convince herself that this was a bad thing. Now they could spend more time together, and they could talk together more freely on town functions without Daphne feeling like she’s the Whore of fucking Babylon.

Alex didn’t turn to look at her. She had voiced her opinions about Haley, and it was pretty apparent to her that he didn’t really need her to do that now.

“She does this sometimes,” he sighed while rubbing his eyes tiredly. “But this time just feels so _damn_ permanent, you know?”

“That bad?” Daphne asked, still leaning against the sling.

Alex sucked both his lips in between his teeth, raising his cheeks and eyebrows to confirm, while staring off into space.

“I’m sorry you’re sad,” Daphne compromised. She couldn’t _not_ say it – and she _was_ sorry that he was sad, just not necessarily about the reason for it.

Alex kept switching positions, constantly moving _something._ Then he spoke again.

“She asked me to choose, you know.” He laughed under his breath, like you would when someone said something ridiculous.

“What do you mean?”

“She asked me to choose between the two of you.”

“ _What_? Why?”

“She said I was spending too much time with you and that it’s not right that I ‘ _hang around with other girls when she’s my girlfriend and she needs me’._ ” When quoting Haley, his voice went high and pitchy – mocking her.

Daphne grinned. “Well, it’s only right.”

Alex raised his eyebrows curiously and leaned into the string furthest away from her to look at her.

“We _are_ having a love affair after all,” Daphne continued.

Alex gave her one of those sad half-smiles. “Sorry for dropping all this on you. It was you or grandma, and you _know_ that grandma would throw a god damn party.”

Daphne lifted an eyebrow and smiled smugly. “And I won’t?”

Alex smirked – sadness still on his face, but he looked _lighter_ – as he pushed his swing into the side of hers, dismissing her. “ _Nah_ , you don’t have any friends.”

Daphne pushed back, harder. “That’s _not_ true!”

They both laughed – Alex sadly, Daphne not so much, while their swings rocked from side to side, each bump softer and softer.

“It just _fucking_ sucks, you know?” Alex suddenly said, the tiredness returning to his voice. “I know she’s not good with other girls, but she’s good to _me._ ”

He ran his hands through his hair and down the sides of his face before burying his face in them, his voice now muffled. “She makes me laugh, and we have these _deep_ conversations – like, we’re in our twenties but we’re talking about like, _thirties_ shit.”

Daphne had to concentrate not to laugh. She’d never heard anyone phrase it like that before, and suddenly he sounded like a sixteen-year-old.

“Yeah, but Alex – making you _choose?_ It’s – it’s pretty ridiculous.”

“I _knooow_ ,” he groaned, pushing his knuckles into his eyes before throwing himself back in the swing again. Then he shouted: “She’s fucking insane. I’m in love with a girl who’s _fucking_ insane.”

He sat back up and shifted uncomfortably, again moving every two seconds.

“Worst part is that it’s my fault.”

Daphne looked at him like he was stupid – because right now he was. 

“ _How_ is this _your_ fault?”

“I don’t know, I – I was – _we_ were messing around, and then – then I like, I told her that I had a crush on you when we were like kids – but we were fucking _kids,_ you know and it’s like such a _long_ time ago.”

Alex got up on his feet and started pacing.

“Oh.” Daphne tried to hide the surprise on her voice.

“And she just – she _lost her shit_ , started screaming, throwing shit around, demanding that I had to choose, and I was like Haley _come on,_ it’s like ten fucking years ago – I said it as a _joke._ ”  
  
He stopped moving. “Then she just told me it was over and like, asked me to leave – so I did, and then I called you I guess.”

Daphne was gnawing on her thumbnail as she listened to him. What on earth were they talking about that prompted him to make that confession, - and why was he telling Daphne this like he was talking about a memory the two of them shared, and not feelings that he had been keeping from her?

“I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, Alex – but Haley’s _kind_ _of_ a bitch.”

“Hey!” Alex’s sudden exclamation caught her completely off guard.  
  
“Don’t talk about her like that, Daphne, I get that you’re kidding but just – just _don’t_ okay?” he warned, with a _very_ serious look on his face.

Daphne raised her hands to surrender. “I’m sorry, I – I was just kidding, but you’re right – right now I’m being the bitch.”

“Yeah, you kind of are.”

“I’m sorry, Alex – really. I just – I have no idea how to handle these situations.”

She didn’t say it out loud, but Daphne felt like this was a _small_ problem. It may have been very real to him, but she had watched her mother die and she had been abused and stepped on and she had _suffered_ – and when he called she was worried that something similar had happened to him too. Daphne had dried her mother’s tears every day and she had been great at giving comfort, helping her come to terms with the fact that she was dying – making sure she didn’t feel bad for being helpless – or for leaving her children. This felt so _insignificant_ in comparison that Daphne just couldn’t muster the will to be properly comforting. She truly _was_ kind of a bitch.

Alex sighed and gestured for her to come over to him, and when she did, he wrapped his arms around her. “You’d think I’d be a pro by now, - but I have no idea how to handle it either.”

They stood there for a while, just holding each other. Daphne felt bad. She knew that he was hurting and she was being an inconsiderate jerk for not letting him exist in his own way.

“Hey - let’s go down to the saloon now,” Alex whispered.

Daphne nodded, and they walked down and into the saloon, Alex holding his arm around her shoulders the entire way down. 

* * *

Eventually, when it was time to head home, Daphne headed off with Leah – who had joined them pretty early in the evening. She’d seen her around, but they’d never really had a _proper_ conversation before, and alcohol seemed to make it easy for both of them. Since they were heading in the same direction, they walked together – and Daphne found herself wondering how she’d never realized how incredibly interesting Leah was.

They talked about everything on their way home – the city, finally escaping from their weird ass roommates, their goals and hopes for the future – where Daphne had to admit that she had no idea what hers were. Leah was funny, kind and a little strange, but in the best way possible. Sometimes she could get this strict look on her face though – and she’d go from being _super_ approachable to extremely intimidating, just like that.

Leah stopped at her cottage and they stood outside there talking for five more minutes, before Daphne finally headed home. It was getting pretty late, and she was exhausted – but tonight was _really_ good. She got to talk to Alex about a lot of things, and she got to do it in public without him constantly looking over his shoulder, which was nice. And she got to meet a lot of other people that seemed really cool. Both Leah and Elliott had settled down at their table. They were an odd pair of friends – but then again, they were the only two people in town interested in the _fine arts_ as far as she knew, so maybe they needed each other.

At first she didn’t notice it, she walked right by it as she opened the door to let Paw out to use the bathroom. When she stood there watching him, too tired to play – she just wanted him to finish his business so they could go inside and she could go to bed, that’s when she saw it. Right next to her – and it made her look around to see that no one had magically appeared in her vicinity without her noticing, because she found it odd that she hadn’t noticed. It wasn’t exactly subtle.

Five yellow beers huddled together in a pack – though the pack indicated that it _should_ have been six,- with a note on top. She bent down to pick up the pack of the infamous Chili Blonde and the note, her eyes were too tired and uncoordinated from the alcohol to read it from where she was standing. Then she staggered over to the stairs on her porch and sat down and looked at the note. It had been scribbled on several times, the author clearly changing their mind about their message over and over.

‘ _Sorry for being a douche_ ’

Daphne folded the note into her palm as she balled her fingers into a fist and lifted it to her lips. She took a deep breath as she slipped the note into her pocket and grabbed a beer from the pack. The beer opened with a fizzing sound, it was still cold, so it couldn’t have been long since he was here, and she took a sip.

Her arms were tingling, and her breath was heavy. She almost felt like she’d been shot, and she was bleeding out. She rubbed the joint of her middle finger up and down the base of her nose. He got her. She was special again.

“ _Shit._ ”


	10. D.A.S

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane learns that the way of his world isn't the way of everyone else's, and that he can actually enjoy himself when he just lets his guard down for a second.
> 
> He also gets to eat Pepper Poppers.

Shane had no idea how he ended up there – but after hours of drinking in his own room, he _needed_ to apologize. It had stopped being something he _wanted_ to do, he felt it with an overwhelming sense of urgency – like he would die if he didn’t apologize right now. He had grabbed a sixpack of Chili Blonde, a pen and a piece of paper and then he was on his way. There was still an hour or so until the saloon closed so she probably wouldn’t be home. If she was, he would see the lights on – so he wasn’t worried he’d be caught, of course the impairment from the alcohol might also have made him bolder than he really was. He wanted to apologize, that didn’t mean he wanted to hang out.

Suddenly he was sitting on her porch staring down at the blank piece of paper – the entire trip over being a black hole in his memory. Hell - even five seconds ago was a black hole in his memory. When was the last time he had been drunk like this? He could hear her dog bark at him from inside and most of all he wanted to tell him to shut up – on the off chance that she was in there sleeping. He didn’t want to wake her – he didn’t want her to find him there on her porch looking pathetic and drunk out of his fucking mind. Shane wouldn’t have been able to control himself, he’d have to push up against her, he’d _have_ to touch her hair, to kiss her lips and touch her –

 _Fuck,_ why was he here again? He couldn’t remember until he looked down on the empty paper note on his knee. Shane started writing, making it up as he went along – and being pretty shit at it. He’d never been good at improvising, he barely even remembered what he wanted to write – all he knew was that he was a fucking asshole, and he didn’t deserve her, and she was dating the Hulk. This would be like _full circle,_ because she had brought him these beers on the dock – on a night which had stirred up a lot of dormant shit in him, and now he was bringing her the very same beer to signal the end of it.

Shane was never going to act on his urges – there was no ulterior motive in him being here, and even if she _had_ in some unrealistic turn of events _thrown_ herself at him, he’d turn her down as long he was sober enough to have his wits about him. He just _really_ didn’t want to be the reason she felt shitty. That didn’t mean that he needed anything from her, not her friendship or anything else for that matter – he just needed her to know that she didn’t _deserve_ the way he was acting. _He_ was the problem, _not_ her. Part of him wished that he could explain that he was doing her a favor, because it was pretty fucking shitty to be his friend – he was dead weight, literally just dead – everyone else had to carry him. That’s why everything went to fucking _shit_ when Jason couldn’t carry Shane anymore. Shane couldn’t carry himself. 

‘ _A spicy drink for a spicy blonde’_

He did laugh at his own joke, but it didn’t take many seconds before he realized that he’d have to look her in the eye even if he didn’t want anything to do with her. This wasn’t exactly a big town. Shane scribbled it out, pushing the pen so hard to the paper that he ripped it a little bit. He could feel it scrape on his knee, and the pain was satisfying – but he needed to concentrate so he could get out of here.

Shane ripped out a beer from the back, thinking that she had stolen one from _his_ gift, so he could steal one from hers. Then he finished it in seconds and went back to work.

‘ _You deserve more’_

Fuck no - scribble.

‘ _Stay away from me’_

Fuck, but he wanted her to _not_ feel shitty – not make her feel shittier. _Scribble – fucking scribble._ He was such a fucking asshole; he couldn’t even just apologize. Then it dawned on him that maybe he should write just that.

‘ _Sorry for being a douche.’_

He added a period to the end of it, because it made him feel calmer – it felt final, like there was nothing left to be said between them now. Shane stretched for a second and rubbed his eyes. He was getting pretty tired and realized it was probably about time to head home. Honestly, he had no idea what time it was, but it felt late. Then he placed it all next to her door and brought his empty can with him, in the hopes that maybe he’d be able to shake out a few more drops on the way.

He did what he came to do. It was time to go back to the ranch, fall into a deep sleep and wake up tomorrow, forgetting that he even enjoyed her company in the first place and then going back to his days as normal.

* * *

Shane was an idiot for thinking an apology would _end_ things and not just fucking _enable_ them. Sometimes Shane forgot that apologies generally existed for forgiveness, because he would never forgive himself and he never believed anyone who said they did. To Shane, apologies had become more routine – something to stop the nagging and then the constant gnawing of guilt. Most people just took it for what it was and left him alone. But that wasn’t how things worked in Lalaland, population Daphne. Of course, it wasn’t.

 _Such a fucking idiot_. Shane was leaning his head onto the door frame of the front door, looking at Daphne where she stood – looking like a fucking girl scout. She was wearing these stupid denim overalls with _huge_ colorful flowers patches all over them, she was practically a third grader. Her hands were in her pockets and her eyes were bashful and she was looking up at him innocently. Fuck her. This was ridiculous. She was acting like a fucking child.

“What?”

His voice was dry, and he was still hoarse from last night. He’d barely even got the chance to get dressed before Marnie called for him and said there was someone at the door. When she did, that’s when he realized that he must have gone _through_ with it. Shane remembered thinking he should go up and write her a note to apologize – but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what he had _actually_ written on it, and it was freaking him the fuck out – especially now when she was standing like this in front of him. Did he _ask_ her to drop by his place looking like a kid – it would be weird, and it was not his thing _at all_ , but then again, who was he to argue with his drunken mind? Sober Shane was the one who chose to let drunk Shane take the wheel, and now he had no choice but to just go with it.

“I forgive you.”

 _Thank God._ That meant he had written an apology and not much else, which was exactly what he intended to do. Shane didn’t respond but kept his pose as he looked at her impatiently – all he really wanted was to get back inside and nurse his hangover with more alcohol, especially now.

“That all?”

Daphne tugged the corner of her mouth up into an innocent half-smile as she took a big step to the side and leaned over to balance her shoulder on the house wall, her hands still in her pockets. She was rolling innocently back and forth on her shoulder and Shane knew – he just fucking knew – that whatever she was about to ask him he was going to cave, because this whole thing she was doing, it was working – it was _fucking_ working and he hated her for it.

“I really, really, _reeeeally_ hate to ask this.” She was smiling innocently when she spoke, but he could _smell_ the smugness on her. He had half a mind to just slam the door shut, but he knew Marnie would just open it again and invite her in anyway.

Shane sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, leaving his hand at the back of his head with the rest of his arm resting on top of it. He pulled the corners of his lips – not into a smile or a frown, but more a strained expression, as he squinted his eyes at her in disbelief.

“I can tell,” he answered sarcastically.

She tilted her head and looked at him through the corners of her eyes, smiling – lifting her one shoulder as if to say, ‘you got me’.

“You see, well – you know like, all those seeds I bought yesterday?”

Shane shifted his position, now leaning onto his shoulder too, with his arms crossed over his chest. He knew _exactly_ where she was going with this.

“Mhm,” he sounded through his lips, obviously mocking the tone in her voice.

“Well, _well_ – turns out I _might_ have overshot just _a tad_ -“

“A _tad_?” Fucking understatement of the year, considering she didn’t even have a place to grow them ready yet.

“- and I seem to be finding myself in a very unfortunate position.” She pulled on the word ‘and’ to try and talk over his interruption, or at least underline that she wasn’t done talking.

He looked at her through his eyebrows and said nothing. This was going to be the death of him. She pushed herself up with her elbow, so she was standing now, and as she took a step closer to him he instinctively took a step back.

“ _Rumor_ has it,” she continued. “-that you’re off work until _Wednesday_ , - and today is _Saturday,_ and,– and that’s such an _awfully_ long time to be idle.”

She was twisting her body from side to side as she spoke, and he most of all wanted to shake her. Did she have to take _this fucking long_ to ask? Could she stop the innocent act already, what the fuck was she doing that for anyway?

“Who says I’ll be idle?”

“You will never coerce me into giving up my sources!”

Finally, Daphne pulled her hands out of her pockets and dropped the act.

“Please, please – _pretty_ , please? I don’t think you get it – those seeds cost me a fortune - and I _always_ overshoot, - but if I only get half of them ready on time I’ll be looking at a loss for the _entire_ season.”

She ran her hand over her face.

“ _Shane_ , I haven’t had a _proper_ meal _in my own house_ yet and I have been living here for months - not even _one_ homecooked meal in the comfort of my own home - my diet consists out of shitty microwave pasta – I am going to _die,_ Shane. I will – I will _die_ from malnutrition by winter,” Daphne pleaded desperately. She pushed her palms together in front of her, as if she was praying.

He sighed and bounced his shoulder off the door frame, looking back into the house. There was something awfully enticing to her about the way she was begging him. He half expected her to drop on her knees.

The shop was open, so Marnie was really close enough to have heard most of the conversation, but he let her know anyway.  
  
“I’m gonna head out.”

Marnie scurried over from behind the desk and appeared next to him. Shane placed his hand to his palm as she pretended to _not_ have been there all along.

“Why – _Daphne_! What a surprise, I had _no_ idea you were stopping by today!”

“Yeah - this must be a huge shock to you.” Shane smiled sarcastically.

“Well,” she exclaimed as he clapped her hands together. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, I don’t need any help - you kids have fun!”

She nudged Shane with her elbow and he shot her a look. She wiggled her eyebrows back at him.

“ _Marnie_ ,” he warned.

She practically ran back down to her desk, shooing him once she got there and saw that he was still turned to look at her. He rolled his eyes and stepped into his shoes, and then he left with Daphne.

* * *

The weather was so warm that Daphne was drenched in sweat by the time they got to the farm. Shane rolled his eyes and told her it was no wonder, since she was practically wearing _coveralls_ in the middle of _summer_. She pointed him in the direction of the tools and went to change. Then she stopped by the door.

“I should probably warn you – a vicious beast will emerge from behind these doors, once they are opened, - and as I bid you farewell, I ask only that you be wary of him.”

Shane looked at her, unimpressed.

“Seriously, though – don’t turn your back before he’s properly greeted you, because he _will_ pounce.”

“I won’t.”

Then Daphne opened the door, and a tornado of a dog sprung out with force, almost knocking her over. He ran excitedly around for a few seconds before he noticed Shane. Of course, the dog had lived with them before he moved here, so he recognized him immediately and began rumbling towards him. Shane realized he was _much_ bigger than before - he had taken on the size of a _big_ dog rather than a medium sized one.

He barely had time to prepare himself before impact and was nearly knocked to the ground, not that it had mattered - because he immediately got down on one knee to rub Paw anyway.

“Someone’s grown,” he said to the dog, who was slobbering all over him. When he looked up to the farmhouse he saw that Daphne had already gone inside – and he instantly felt more relaxed before he wrapped his arms around the dog. He missed having a dog.

When Daphne finally came back outside, Shane had gone to find the hoe and placed himself on a spot that felt natural. He was leaning on the pole with his hand resting over his eyebrows, squinting up at Daphne. She had changed into baggy – _and distractingly short_ – shorts with a grey t-shirt with some astrology shit on it tucked into her shorts. He never pinned her down to be one of _those_ girls.

“Where do you want me to start?” he yelled in her general direction. She was still pretty far away.

She jumped down the stairs on the porch like each step was a trampoline and jogged over to him. When she finally had made her way over there, she was pretty winded. He’d like to think that she was out of shape, but now that he was here in daylight – and had felt the weight of the hoe – he could tell that she had been doing a lot of heavy lifting. Alas, he had to assume that it was mostly the heat.

“Here is good,” she said, lifting her hands behind her back to pull up her hair in a bun on her head. Shane was _mesmerized_ by her hair, and he couldn’t deny that even to himself. Now that he had seen it hang lose – or rather flow and dance – over her shoulders, he was feeling pretty sure that she had cut it. It just looked different. He was almost about to ask, but then she turned to leave.

Daphne walked over to the shed and picked up some bags. She put her one hand on her hip as she used the other to shield her eyes from the sun, looking at Shane.

“Should we get to work?”

Shane nodded, and hoisted the hoe up on his shoulder and then over his head, before hammering it down and pulling the grass towards him. He hadn’t ever done this before, but wielding it wasn’t that much different from how you would wield and axe – and the rest was pretty intuitive. Daphne walked behind him to plant the seeds once the soil was shaped. She meticulously measured the distance between them, making sure there would be plenty of room for them to grow big. Shane realized that he had underestimated her. She knew what she was doing.

Suddenly – after what was probably a while, Shane was so occupied that he wasn’t really paying attention to time – she stopped and used her arm to wipe the sweat off her forehead, keeping it there to shield herself from the sun. She was still squinting her eyes, but it was too bright _not_ to.

“Hey, Shane?”

“What?” he grunted, as the hoe hit the ground.

“Do you want to take a break?”

He turned to look – or rather squint – at her, leaning on the pole and lifting his arm to his head too. “I didn’t come here for social call, Daphne – I just – I just _really_ want to get done for the day and go home,- I have other shit to do.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Like tucking in my _daughter_ ,” he said – surprised that he suddenly called Jas his daughter. She was in every juridical sense of the world, and he loved her like she was his own - but he didn’t ever _call_ her that. Shane realized that part of him had wanted to both scare Daphne off - and make it harder for her to convince him to stay.

“Shane, it’s like three in the afternoon – you’re not tucking in your daughter for _hours._ ”

He’d hoped it was later. Shane rubbed his hand over his face and wrinkled his nose – embarrassed at being caught red-handed in such a stupid attempt to make it sound like he had anything to do with his time but drink. That was exactly what he had planned for this afternoon. Daphne was stealing that from him now.

“Yeah – _fine_.”

He let go of the pole and watched as it fell to the ground.

“We should probably water these,” she said, looking down at the soil she had sowed. They weren’t anywhere near done. “Maybe we should just continue the heavy lifting tomorrow, and – uh, if you’re coming tomorrow – I mean, if you _want –_ “  
  
“If I said I’ll help you, _I’ll help you_.” He was almost insulted that she doubted that about him. Then again, he’d never really given her any reason to think he was a man of his word.

Daphne smiled and then turned to head inside, and Shane followed her up to the house. He’d never been inside before. It wasn’t much better than the outside.

There was a small kitchen table with two chairs, a beat-up couch that looked like it was at least fifty years old and hadn’t been cleaned _once_ in that time – a fireplace, a kitchen with no fridge or stove, but he already knew that part – and the walls clearly hadn’t been cleaned either. Shane was never a neat freak, but he had half a mind to suggest that Daphne could water the plants while he _cleaned_ her godforsaken living room. 

At least the kitchen was clean. He sat down on the kitchen chair, suddenly realizing how winded he was. Everything in here smelled earthy – but no wonder, since they were both covered in dirt. Daphne washed her hands in the kitchen sink, before walking over to her freezer and opening it up.

“Pick your poison,” she announced.

“What’s my choices?”

“Uh, Pepper Poppers and Joja’s namebrand microwave pizza.” She pulled out one of each to show him.

Shane made a grimace of disgust. “That’s _easy_ – Pepper Poppers. Have you ever _tasted_ that pizza? It’s all gummy and tastes like shit.”

Daphne threw the microwave pizza back into the freezer. “Well then - thanks a lot, _Sam._ ”

Shane bit the insides of his lips, trying to hide a smile. “You _never_ take advice from Sam when it comes to food, - his favorite drink is Joja cola, and I’m pretty sure that shit is radioactive.”

“Sir, I am not at liberty to confirm nor deny that accusation.”

“What?”

“I used to work for Joja,” Daphne said easily, shrugging her shoulders

He looked at her like he didn’t believe her. “Yeah – _right_.”

“I’m _serious_!” She lifted her finger, signaling for him to wait. “Hold on-”

Then she opened her kitchen drawer and pulled out her employee card and slid it over the table for him to look at.

“I still have it – so if I ever suddenly disappear one day, just know that it was Joja who finally caught up with me for stealing an entrance card.”

Now he knew her full name: Daphne Anne Sullivan - initials D.A.S - and that her birthday was about two weeks away - but couldn’t really concentrate on anything but her picture. She looked so _old_ in this picture. Her hair was pulled back so tightly she almost didn’t look like she had any, and her face was just so _gray_. He held it up to look at it next to her face, and she abruptly ripped it out of his hands.

“Hey, - now you’ve lost your privileges! You weren’t supposed to look at the _picture_.”

“If I didn’t then how could I know it was you?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Fair point.”

Daphne went to put the card back and grabbed the pack of Pepper Poppers. Shane studied her as she was reading the label.

“Ah – here it is,” she suddenly announced, as if they had both been aware that she was looking for something specific. “Four grams of protein and fifteen grams of carbohydrates.”

“ _What_ now? Are you on a fucking diet or something?”

Daphne looked up at him as her face fell. “Why, do you think I should be?”

Shane could all the muscles in his body tense and he shifted awkwardly in his chair. He was getting flustered, and he could feel himself getting warmer as the blood rushed to his face.

“No – or I mean, yes if that’s what you want, but I don’t – I don’t think you _need_ it, I mean – you, you look-“

Daphne couldn’t hide her smile anymore. She threw her hair back laughing, leaning onto the kitchen counter with her elbows so she wouldn’t lose her balance.

By instinct he grabbed for something next to him to throw on her. The closest thing he had was a napkin, so he threw that – and then silence, as they both watched it slowly fall to the ground, not even three inches away from him. Once it landed, Shane broke the silence.  
  
“Should’ve crumpled it, huh?”

Finally, Daphne _completely_ broke down laughing – and Shane couldn’t help but join her. It was a long time since he’d laughed this heartily, and for a brief second there was no heaviness or darkness in him. He wasn’t consciously thinking about it, but he hadn’t felt this light since Jason was alive.

“Fuck,” Daphne said as she tried to stumble back onto her feet and keep her balance. She wiped her eyes, as if she had been crying – maybe she had? Had he made her laugh until she cried? He couldn’t remember ever having done that to anyone.

“Seriously, though - ” Daphne flexed. “You don’t get guns like these without protein and carbohydrates. I was just thinking maybe you’d like some, too.”

“You better watch yourself,” Shane warned her. “It’s _not_ wise to insult the man who holds the future of your economy in his hands.”

Daphne smiled, and threw the pack into the microwave.


	11. Hello, Mr. Blue Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daphne misses her mom, but is comforted by a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning (I won't always do these in notes, so please refer to the tags for possible triggers): descriptions of anxiety, disassociation, grief

“You’re _not_ going to make me leave until you _hear me out,_ Daphne.” Alex tried to keep his voice calm, but his frustration was obvious.

As he said ‘ _hear me out’_ he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up to face him. Daphne felt her lips tighten. She jerked away from him again, and crossed her arms, looking at him.

“Fine,” she said, turning abruptly and walking over to the chair he’d been sitting in. She leaned back and crossed her legs.

“Was she better than before?”

Alex had run his fingers through his hair and froze in that exact position when he heard her question.

“ _What?”_ he asked in disbelief, squinting his eyes like she was insulting him.

“I asked you if she was _better_ \- _than_ \- _before_.” Daphne got up on her feet, her arms still crossed. “Answer me,” she demanded.  
  
Alex didn’t answer, but let his arms fall down his sides.

“Oh, _come on_ Alex. You’re the one that wanted me to hear you out. Come on, tell me. Did you _taste her?_ ”

Alex closed his eyes and tilted his head away from her. He drew a breath like she’d just put something icy cold to his skin. Daphne dropped her jaw and laughed in disbelief.

“Oh my _god,_ you _did, didn’t_ you?”

No answer.

“Answer me,” she demanded. Alex shook his head and pulled both his lips between his teeth. She could tell he was biting down on them pretty hard.

Daphne let her hand fly through the air in a fist and forcefully slammed the table, screaming. “Fucking _answer me,_ Alex!”

“I’ll go,” he whispered under his breath. His breath was shaking as he was clearly trying to hold back tears.

Daphne rambled to the kitchen, needing the counters to hold herself up. She was shaking like a leaf. She could hear Alex grab his coat, and part of her wanted to run over and stop him.

Daphne wanted to wrap her arms around him, kiss him, pull him into the bedroom and give herself to him completely. _Fuck,_ she hadn’t felt this passionately about him ever. _Was that why he did it?_ Could he tell?

* * *

Shane had left abruptly after they finished watering the crops, leaving Daphne hanging. She was _craving_ company, so she sat on her couch and scrolled up and down her contact list, wondering who she’d call. On her coffee table there was a pile of paper. When she was bored, nervous or even just idle, she had a tendency to rip things. It calmed her down in a weird way. Bea had told her it was because she was destructive by nature.

In reality there were only two viable options for company – Alex and Leah – but she could at least take this moment to _pretend_ that she was struggling to decide who she was going to call out of all her friends. That was what her life _had_ been in the city – just a big blob of co-workers and acquaintances, all of whom she branded as _friends_ in an effort to try and feel less alone in the crowd. As she went through her contacts she realized that she didn’t know who half of these people were

Daphne couldn’t _stand_ being alone if she didn’t have something to do, so she tried to always have lists of things to do ready – and she did have one – but today had worn her out both emotionally and physically. As a result, she was switching between sitting curled up in the couch, sitting normally in the couch, laying down on the couch and her personal favorite - laying with her head on the floor, and her feet in the air. She felt cute when she did, like she was in a movie montage – or the protagonist in a story – and people were watching her, but tonight she just felt lonely. There was a big Shane-shaped hole where her sense of security had been.

He drove her insane with his hot-and-cold act, but today she could _tell_ he was enjoying himself – he was even joking, and the mood was so much lighter once they went back to the field after dinner. She had already started to plan dinner for tomorrow. She was thinking about maybe ordering a pizza from Gus – Shane had spoken warmly about it today, and as far as Daphne could remember Gus’ cooking was pretty decent. If she did decide on the pizza, then one of them could drive down to pick it up while the other one worked. She hadn’t really drove into town since she was a kid, and when she did she rarely estimated the time – but she figured it was maybe like a five-minute drive?

Daphne really wanted to talk to _someone_ about this, but she didn’t know who. She could only imagine the conversation with Alex if she told him that she had totally gotten caught up in the guy he asked her to promise not to get caught up in. No promises were made, but she never said a word about it after that – so she felt like promises were _implied._ There was but one alternative – Leah. But did she know her well enough for a conversation like this? She hadn’t given her any reason to distrust her, but for all Daphne knew she could just like, drop by the ranch on her way back home and tell him everything. Would it be so bad if she did?

Yeah, it would. It would be _so_ bad.

She placed her phone on the table and slid down to the floor. At least she could talk to Paw. Daphne crawled over to him – his tail wagging gently as he realized that she was _on the floor,_ and he shifted, but he didn’t move from his spot. She placed her head on him like he was a pillow, lying down on her side. He was soft and warm, and he rested his head back down.

Daphne looked down at her fingers. Her nails were short now – they used to be longer. As a child she’d been a nail biter and her mom had pretty much developed super-hearing because of it. She could hear Daphne biting her nails in her room - not even a second after she started - _all_ the way from the living room. Daphne closed her eyes and smiled, lifting her thumb to her mouth and she began nibbling gently on it. When she closed her eyes, it was like her mom was just seconds away from shouting ‘ _stop it_ ’ ominously from wherever she was now.

She could feel her eyes watering – they were burning, and her jaw was so tense she felt like someone was trying to _rip_ it off her, and she realized that the _only_ person she wanted to talk to about this was her mom. Once she did, there was no use resisting – with a hiccup she could feel the tears starting to pour down. She pushed her face into Paw’s fur, realizing that she was on Pebbles Farm and crying into a dog that she named after Pa – which just made it ten times worse.

She couldn’t be alone right now. There was no way.

Daphne lunged over to her table and chose the first person in her valley-contacts – Alex, because his name started with an A, and her contacts were listed alphabetically. She put her phone on speaker, because her cheeks were wet, and she would just start to press buttons accidentally or something.

“Hey, - what’s up?” Alex greeted her.

Daphne couldn’t speak, she just hiccupped violently. She was starting to feel like she couldn’t breathe. Alex fell very silent on the phone.

“Daphne?”

She tried so hard to answer him, but she was more or less hyperventilating – diving headfirst into a panic attack, _shit – shit – shit._ Daphne could practically _feel_ her brain disconnect from her body, and suddenly it felt like her movements weren’t real anymore, like her limbs didn’t belong to her. The only thing she managed to communicate was a gentle whimper.

“ _Fuck,”_ he whispered to himself, clearly trying to turn away from the microphone. Daphne didn’t have the sense on her to realize that, or hear the stress in his voice. If she did, she might have wondered why. Then he paused for a second, thinking. “I’m coming over.”

That was all she needed to hear. She threw the phone away and leaned her back against the side of her couch, hugging the knees that didn’t belong to her anymore. It felt like hours had passed by the time she could hear Alex’s car door slam outside. Using her breathing exercises, she had managed to calm herself down somewhat, but her body still didn’t feel real to her. Everything she touched – she felt like she was watching a movie from the first-person perspective, she couldn’t _feel_ it. Her body was working properly but her mind had disconnected from it completely.

Alex opened the door without knocking, and as he did, Daphne tried to pull herself off the floor with help from the armrest she had just been leaning onto. He lunged over to her and helped her up, and she more or less stopped trying once his arms were under hers. She could feel his muscles work hard as he more or less pulled her up on his own, while she was almost actively resisting because she had gone limp. He was strong, so he managed to pull her onto the couch and then placed himself next to her, holding her into his chest as he cupped the back of her head in his hand, gently rubbing her scalp.

“I – miss – her.” Daphne hiccupped between the words. Alex tightened his grip on her.

“I know,” he whispered into her hair – and then they just sat there for a while. He didn’t say anything, because he didn’t have to.

Alex knew all too well what Daphne was going through, because he’d gone through it himself. Not the same _way_ she had – he was a toddler – but the pain of losing them was real either way. Even if you never even knew them, there was a mom-sized hole where your heart should be. Daphne had a tendency to forget, because she had never known Alex to live with anyone but his grandparents – and the only parent he’d ever talked much about was his father. But he knew, and right now – to her – that was a good thing, because then she didn’t need to explain.

Her face was both wet and dry at the same time, and her hair was tickling her nose – and Alex smelled like _home,_ and he was _so warm._ It was like someone had wrapped a safety blanket around he. Daphne managed to gain some control over her breathing.

“Hi,” she whispered almost inaudibly.

She could feel his warm breath on her scalp and his shoulders jump slightly as he laughed through his nose.

“Hi.”

“Sorry if I worri-“

He interrupted her.

“You’d have been even sorrier if you _didn’t_ call. If I ever found out you were in _this_ state and didn’t call me I’d be pissed.”

She smiled. The tears had stopped. She sat back up and Alex released his grip on her. It had been so long since she properly cried that she forgot how _dizzy_ it made her. Alex got up and walked over to her cabinet and grabbed a glass of water, and a paper towel for her. It warmed her heart that she didn’t even have to ask. He sat back down next to her.

“So – what’s your excuse?”

Daphne wrinkled her brows and looked at him. “What do you mean?” 

Her voice was thin and hoarse after the crying, and her nose was still stuffed.

“Well – uh, I’m assuming you felt sad like, _before_ you started crying,” he noted. “So - what’s like, your excuse for not calling earlier?”

Daphne shrugged. “I’m an indecisive idiot?”

He nudged her with his shoulder and pointed his finger strictly at her.

“Don’t you _dare_ talk about my friend like that.”

She bit her lip, trying to hide a smile. Alex smiled openly, and pulled her into another hug, kissing the top of her head. “You had me scared for a second.”

“I’m sor-“  
  
“I said _no_.”

He pulled back from her.

“Hey – come on.” He tilted his head his head indicating that he wanted them to go somewhere, and Daphne followed him.

She trusted him completely – he knew what he was doing. Alex always knew how to cheer her up. Not that he ever had before, but it felt like he did. Her life would have been better these past ten years if he’d still been in it. But he was now.

He put his jacket around her shoulders and found a pair of slippers from her hallway, and when she looked puzzled at her he just shrugged his shoulders in return – pretending he didn’t know either. Daphne didn’t have the energy to be curious, so she kind of just let him take lead – no questions asked. Then they walked outside, and he walked around for a while on her grounds before finally stopping.

“Here,” he nodded decisively. Alex threw himself on his back on the ground with his arms behind his head and gestured for her to do the same. Daphne did more of a tired crawl, but she ended up in the same position – and that was all that mattered, right?

“Why are we here?”

He turned his head and looked over at her. “You needed air.”

“So, we need to - lay on the ground?” Daphne asked, her voice indicating that the question wasn’t why they were on the ground, but why he thought that was a good idea.

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“I dunno,” he said as he turned his head to look back up at the sky. “It felt like something they’d do in like movies or whatever.”

His voice gave no indication of him doubting himself at all. Daphne nuzzled into him, thinking how nice this was – how glad she was that she called. For a second she even considered telling him about Shane, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment.

Daphne looked over at him, her hands still under her head, but now she was rolled over on her side. He looked at her from the corner of his eye and smiled warmly. “What?”

“You’re nice.”

“I should hope you thought so – I think I might have gotten myself into trouble tonight.”

Daphne looked like a question mark and he shook his head.

“Story for another time - tonight we’re just hangin’ and like – I dunno, watching clouds.”

“Hey, Alex?” she asked softly.

“Yeah?”

“There are no clouds.”

“Shut up.”


	12. Human-Daphne, Meet Scarecrow-Daphne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane is enjoying Daphne's company - even having fun, until he realizes that bad things don't have to happen for things to get worse.

Shane couldn’t remember the last time he went a whole weekend without drinking. Well, he’d gone from Saturday to Monday – which was more than good enough for him. By the end of this day, he’d be on his first three-day-stretch for a while, and physically he was feeling better than he had in years. There was something about the mixture of being outside in the sun, physical activity, occupied mind and – admittedly – good company, that made him feel energized and _young_ again.

Not only could he keep up with Daphne - she could barely keep up with _him_. He could still see the disease on him – his eyes were still tired, and his face was still red and puffy. But if he kept this up, all of those things would be gone before long.

He'd learned a lot – both about agriculture, and about Daphne. She’d learned a lot from him too. It took them all the way until noon on Monday to sow all of the red cabbage seeds. They’d be done yesterday if Shane hadn’t insisted that Daphne actually had a _plan_ for how she wanted her fields to look. Most of yesterday they spent drawing an outline of the property, and then he more or less forced Daphne to put down markings if she wanted him to keep helping. It shouldn’t have surprised him that she wasn’t a planner – considering how that was the very reason he was here to begin with.

The sun was boiling on his skin, and he could feel the sweat drops drip down his face. He smelled like dirt and sweat – it was exhilarating, he felt _alive._ Shane lifted the hoe over his head and slammed it into the ground and then he pulled it towards himself. Then he hoisted it up on his shoulder and walked a few steps away, before he put the head down and – almost ceremoniously – let go of the pole and watched it fall to the ground.

“Hey,” he yelled over at Daphne. He had _no_ idea what she was up to, but she stopped helping him a long time ago.

“Did you want – I said - _did you want_ _to get the seeds in the ground_?!”

Daphne kept gesturing to him that she couldn’t hear him, and he threw his arms out and shook his head, visibly frustrated. Then she pulled out a pair of pods from her years, and Shane could’ve sworn he would strangle her.  
  
“What?” She didn’t even move – he was shouting and _waving his arms_ – and she didn’t even realize that he wanted her to _come over?_

“Get the fuck over here, _Jesus_!”

Daphne started walking slowly while shaking her head disapprovingly. Once she was within earshot, she gestured to Paw who was sitting on her porch.

“Not in front of the _children,_ Shane.”

“You sound like Marnie.”

“Well- Marnie’s a wise woman, so I choose to take that as a compliment.”

Shane shook his head, trying to hide his smile, but his chin started cramping and he ended up looking more like he was about to vomit. Daphne laughed at him, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head.

“So? What did you want?”

“This is the _third_ time I’m saying it, you know.”

“ _Shane, what_ – did you want?” He liked the way she looked when she was the one getting tired of _his_ shit.

He took three steps back, so he was standing in the field - and then put his hands out, pinning his arms to his body – moving from side to side. “All done!”

“Great – I’ll go get the seeds.” Daphne moved fast – fuck, but he wanted to ask her -  
  
“Hey, wait!” he yelled after her.

“What?”

“Do you need me for something?” Shane squinted as he looked at her, kind of still holding his arms out from his body.

She shook her head.

“So, I can go – uh – sit down?”

“ _Yes, Shane –_ you can go sit down,” she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Maybe it was? What the hell did he know – the only time he’d done work like this was at Marnie’s ranch, and honestly that felt like it was just as much his responsibility like hers. He lived _there_ , so he’d sit down whenever he felt like it. Now he felt more like he was at work or something.

Shane walked towards her house and found himself just enjoying the feeling of being _done_ with a project. He had raised the blue chickens, but that was continuous work – even now that they had sold their first pair, he didn’t feel done. Walking past Paw on the porch, he petted him on the head. He was sitting, like he was just keeping watch – making sure that everything was in order.

Shane wasn’t inside for long, and when he walked back outside he was carrying to glasses of iced water. He walked over to where Daphne was working – slowly, kind of just taking in the view. It didn’t feel sexual to him seeing her like this, he just felt _warm_ – like everything was right and nothing could go wrong from here. He wasn’t second guessing that – because the second he would, he’d start spiraling – and if he started spiraling, he just wasn’t sure if he could do all this over again. Shane knew better than to promise himself he wouldn’t drink, or that he wouldn’t be an asshole – but he really wanted to promise himself that he’d just… try.

It must have been the clinking of the ice cubes in the glasses who caused Daphne to turn, or maybe just the fact that Shane had appeared magically _exactly_ when she was done. She looked up at him and clapped the dirt of her hands. Shane felt compelled to tell her that there was some in her face too – a line of dirt going right under her nose and up her left cheek, but he didn’t. He’d rather see how long it took her to notice and enjoy every single second of it.

“Why, _Shane –_ are you, - are you taking _care_ of me?” Daphne said with comical disbelief.

He down at the glasses in his hands and then at her. She was doing it again. He had half a mind to throw it at her. Instead, he rolled his eyes and handed her one of them.  
  
“Don’t make me regret it,” he warned her. She looked at him and smiled happily, taking a sip out of her glass.

Shane slid his now free hand into the pocket of his shorts and bit his lip, looking awkwardly around himself. He let his gaze linger on Daphne for a second as she was just staring at the field – and he felt proud. They did that, together – like proper teamwork.

He'd been feeling like a different person – wearing different clothes, doing different things than he normally would. The farm was really nice. It didn’t necessarily _look_ nice, but it felt peaceful and productive. Plus, there was something about the smell here – he couldn’t quite say exactly what it reminded him off, but there was dirt and grass, plants and fresh air.

Just a few weeks ago Daphne had been an _idea_ of a person to him – he found her attractive, so he just ran with that and imagined her to have personality traits that he was slowly beginning to realize that she didn’t have at all. All of them had functioned as either something to flesh out the fantasy that had made him want her, or – maybe more frequently, to make her seem more alien to him than she really was. These past few days Shane had realized she was just _human_ , and he liked that about her - but it made her ten times more annoying.

The fact that she didn’t scare easily – apart from spiders – helped, because if she hadn’t spoken to him that night at the dock, he’d never have spoken to her again. Her being attractive wasn’t enough to pique his interest, she needed to be interesting too – and talking about falling flat on your ass to a drunk stranger who was lying in a ditch, that _was_ pretty interesting. People generally either helped him to feel good about themselves afterwards – or they didn’t help him at all. He’d seen people purposefully avoid him when he was drunk so many times that he expected people to remove themselves from the situation as soon as they could.

Daphne hadn’t done that. People didn’t stop to help him up, and then tell him about them falling flat on their ass too. When they laughed it was generally _at_ him, not at themselves inviting _him_ to join them. That’s what made her interesting. And then it just snowballed from there – but the more interesting she became, the less mysterious – and suddenly she wasn’t a nymph in the water luring him in to drown him. She was just a woman on a farm who sucked at planning and had _no_ impulse control, but who still really had a knack for it in a really weird way.

And she put up with his bullshit. That helped, too.

“Do you need me for anything else?”

Daphne looked conflicted and hesitated to answer. He read that as a yes and smacked his lips. Of course, she needed help – as much as she had already done, the farm was still pretty much a mess. There was a clear piece of land, which they had now turned into a small field. Realizing she didn’t have a scarecrow, he figured he’d answer for her.

“You’re gonna need a scarecrow.” Shane said easily, as he began walking towards her shed.

“What the – Shane, where are you going?” Daphne yelled after him, looking confused.

She probably assumed he was just going to leave. That was right on brand – at least the brand he had created for himself around here.

“To make you a scarecrow.”

Her shed was a _mess,_ so that was another thing he might as well add to his list of ‘ _things Daphne needs to get done but she doesn’t remember she needs to get done – because she doesn’t have a fucking list’._ After nearly dying like seven times – the seventh time he was so fed up that he welcomed death by old rusty car-tire – he finally found the things he needed to build a decent-looking scarecrow.

When he got out of there – again, barely alive – Daphne was already hard at work watering her crops. He put everything into a box and carried it over to her.

“Do you have any – uh, old clothes, or something like that?” 

Daphne looked at him like he was stupid.

“Dude, I just moved in like what – a few months ago? _No_ , I don’t have any old clothes.”

Suddenly he got an idea. He didn’t know if it was going to go down well, but he thought it sounded kind of funny, so he went with it.

“Do you remember those overalls you wore the other day? The ones with the flowers on them?”

“Yeah – I nearly suffered a heatstroke in them, of course I remember them.”

“Could you get those for me? And a t-shirt or some shit?”

“Shane – what are you going to do to my clothes?”

He rolled his eyes and jerked his arms impatiently. “I’m not going to – Jesus, I won’t fucking ruin your clothes, just _get them._ ”

His wish was her command. Moving her body slowly, constantly looking back at him to check if he was really serious – and him constantly gesturing for her to _get, get, get_ – she _finally_ came back with the extremely recognizable colorful pants, and something else. Honestly, Shane was more interested in the pants than anything. He grabbed the pants from her and laid them out on the ground and nodded.

“Hm, yes – this will do nicely. And the shirt?”

She handed him the other piece of fabric and he lifted it up. It was black, see-through and lacy, with absolutely no structure.

“What the shit is this?” Shane’s voice was accusing, while he curled it up in his hand and pointed it at her.

“Uh – it’s a tube top?”

“I asked you to bring me a t-shirt.”

“Or some shit,” Daphne added, smugly.   
  
“What?”  
  
“You said a t-shirt ‘ _or some shit_. This-“ She grabbed the tube top and pointed it back at him. “This very much qualifies as _some shit._ ”

“Fuck _me,”_ he groaned and went to rub his head as if he just got a massive headache. Sure, as hell felt like he should be having one – what part of him building a scarecrow indicated that he wanted sexy lingerie?

“I don’t know what like weird fucking sexual fantasies you have about scarecrows, Daphne - but I am _not_ making you a sex doll. I asked for a shirt.” Shane bit his lip to mask a smile.

Daphne rolled her eyes and handed the tube top back to him. He looked back down at it in his hand for a second, and by the time he looked back up she had yanked of her shirt. Shane turned away from her so quickly it looked like someone had just hit him with a bat.

“What the- ?”

She stood there with her t-shirt in her hand, pretending to be confused – he _knew_ she was kidding, but there was still this doubt in the back of his mind as she said it.

“I'm just doing what you told me to? You _did_ want me to fuck you, yeah? ” She was teasing him, and he wasn’t sure in which way – but he was having none of it.

“Get - get your fucking clothes back on - I didn’t sign up for some ‘ _free the nipple’_ -crap.”

“It’s not like I’m free-boobin’, Shane.” Shane could more or less _hear_ her roll her eyes, even when he couldn’t see her. She threw her shirt at him.

“You asked for a shirt – now you have a shirt.”

Shane grabbed her shirt mid-air on reflex. Then he glanced at her, trying to gather as much information about what she was wearing as he could without staring. He didn’t know whether it was a top or a bra or whatever, but she was wearing a bright blue top that covered the most important things – the things that would drive him insane. His eyes lingered at her now exposed collar bones for a second, they were so _pronounced_.

Promising himself no more distractions, he got to work on the scarecrow. It didn’t take him long – he was surprised at how good he was at this, considering that he hadn’t exactly grown up making them - or anything.

“Look,” he said to Daphne, as he turned the scarecrow around. “I made you!”

Shane grinned – honestly just _really_ proud of himself. He’d tried moderately hard to make it look like her and he had succeeded– down to the details. Today her hair was pulled into braided pigtails, so Shane had braided hay for her hair. Daphne’s was resting against her scalp while scarecrow-Daphne sported more of a Pippi Longstocking kind of look – but it was close enough. He’d drawn her face on a piece of filter fabric, making sure to add the freckles. They were coming in more and more each day now that they had been spending two days in the sun.

And of course – the most important part was the pants, but the thing that _really_ completed the look as the line of dirt he had painted on her face. Because Daphne still hadn’t noticed hers.

“She’s so beautiful I think I might cry,” Daphne said, pretending to well up. Shane nodded proudly.  
  
“Yeah, it’s an upgrade.”

Daphne took off her shoe and threw it at him and they laughed together. For just a second Shane didn’t feel like being sarcastic or mean or whatever you’d want to characterize him as. He just felt like _Shane_ in a way he hadn’t since he was twenty-eight.

“I’m just kidding,” he said as he sat down on the grass, leaning back on his hands. He looked up at her. “I like the original better.”

She blushed in response and suddenly looked bashful as she subconsciously started nibbling on her thumb nails. Shane hated that – she’d been working outside - in the dirt - all day, what the fuck was she doing?

“Stop that! It’s fucking gross.”

Daphne froze and he could see her becoming more and more tense by the second – until it finally stopped. For a second there Shane felt pretty sure she was going to rip into him for _something –_ and he wouldn’t know what he’d done wrong, but knowing him she’d probably be right and then he’d _have_ to apologize to her. Again.

* * *

He didn’t know what happened. Everything was going great, but then when he came home he just – he didn’t even know _what_ brought it on. There was this voice in his head telling him he deserved a cold beer, and that _one_ couldn’t do any harm – hell, it could even be a testament to his _strength_ when he managed to actually stop after one beer. That was what the voice had said. But the hiss from the can sent shivers down his spine and he didn’t just taste it, he fucking inhaled it. And then another – and another.

The worst part was that yesterday had been good – more or less exclusively so, he hadn’t missed it for a second until he was suddenly alone, and even then he wasn’t craving intoxication – at least not consciously. He just wanted to feel _in control_ of something – because he was living on his aunt’s ranch with a kid that child protective services not only could, but probably _should_ come to take out of his care. And his only proper friend, the only one he’d actually done _something_ with – Shane knew he was constantly at her mercy, because he was an asshole and she could call him out on it and call of their friendship at any time, and when she eventually would, she’d have every right to.

And then there was this morning, where the worst part was the guilt of feeling absolutely no guilt at all. He felt _relieved,_ he’d cracked – the sober show was over, and he was back to being same old drunk Shane. This was the moment where Daphne realized how fucked up he was, because today he’d be a shadow of himself – he could feel it, and as he looked in the mirror he couldn’t even manage to _fake_ a smile. As little guilt as he felt, he still felt ashamed – and thus, as a natural solution to the problem of feeling ashamed about his drinking, he drank. Not a _lot,_ but enough to get him back to functioning.

Shane didn’t even bother brushing his teeth before he left. He just took off. He figured he might as well get this day over with - and then tell her no when she asked him to come over tomorrow.

Plus, tomorrow – and the next five days, he was working at Joja Mart. It was the perfect excuse, not that he needed one, but it was just easier that way. Daphne couldn’t object or be disappointed that he prioritized the job that _paid_ him over helping the ridiculous neighbor who lacked _any_ ability to plan ahead. She was a fucking three-year-old – she had no impulse control. He was more certain that Jas would be able to hold her own than that Daphne would – _that_ was how hopeless she was.

She was already outside when he arrived. Paw tackled him, Shane gave him a few rubs – not like usual, when he’d spend five minutes with Paw before even letting Daphne know he was here. Daphne looked at him as he approached, and he found himself wondering if she could tell already.

“Hey,” she said – the same way she had said it all the other days. Like she was happy to see him.

“What do you want me to do?” Shane could feel himself be cold and he practically watched Daphne freeze to ice in front of him. His hands were in his pockets, and his eyes moved around as he was frantically trying to avoid her eyes.

“Huh?”

“I want to get started. Tell me where to start.”

First she joked that she wanted a Shane-scarecrow to go along her Daphne-scarecrow, but when she didn’t get the response she wanted, she cleared her throat and went back to business-mode. She needed fences – and to get fences, she had to make fences, which of course meant that _he_ had to make fences while she did something else entirely. Then Daphne had pointed him in the direction of the materials, which was completely unnecessary because he’d been gathering material there for days – and then he went at it.

After maybe fifteen minutes, Daphne came over. He had no idea what she’d been doing all this time. Shane had been working pretty efficiently, sawing up pieces of wood to match her description, and then hammering them together to make one of those fences that weren’t picket, but who had a plank on the top and bottom. As a kid, those were his favorite because it kept the animals that frightened him – particularly geese because _fuck_ those, on the inside, while he could still slide in between them if he had to. 

“Hey, uh – so, my melons are ready.”

“Good for you.” Shane said with no emotion on his voice as he kept hammering.

“You said you’d take me to Pierre’s, remember? Since the melons were heavy?”

Shane didn’t answer her, and he still didn’t stop hammering. He wasn’t about to take her anywhere today. Even if he had wanted to – which he _didn’t_ – he _couldn’t_. The easiest answer would be just that – he had been drinking and thus couldn’t drive, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. So instead, he resorted to something he knew worked pretty efficiently with Daphne – being a dick.

“I was wondering if we could go in today? Pierre’s closed tomorrow – and there’s still time for-“

“No.”

“Why not? The fences aren’t that important, - _fuck,_ can you fucking _stop_ hammering when I’m talking to you? This is – this is really actually pretty urgent, Shane.”

“I said no.”

“And I asked _why._ ”

“Well fuck Daphne - are you fucking paying me?” he asked angrily. This time he actually stopped and looked at her. She didn’t answer. “Yeah, no – no you’re not. That also means you don’t get to just like - _expect_ \- shit from me, okay?”

“I can pay you if that’s what you want, it’s not like I can’t afford to – I – I was just under the impression that-“ 

Shane balanced his head on top of the grip, while the head of hammer rested on the plank he was working with. “I _don’t_ _want_ you to fucking _pay me_ , Daphne.”

“What the fuck has gotten into you today?” Daphne exclaimed, audibly upset – and she had every right to be.

Shane went back to hammering. He could feel her eyes on him. She was hurt. Then she left.

God, he was such an _ass_. She hadn’t done anything wrong; he was the one who couldn’t fucking control himself. He couldn't trust himself with _anything._ Shane went into deep thought as he was hammering for a few more minutes - wondering if she was still sad or if she had crossed over to angry now. If he was her, he’d be angry. Couldn’t she _smell_ it on him?

He stopped. Then he looked over to Daphne who was loading melons into boxes. Was she planning to carry them? _Jesus._

“Need some help carrying those?”

Daphne stopped, and rested the melon she was holding on her hip as she looked at him.

“Change of heart?”

“Nope, still not taking you.” 

Daphne sighed and put the melon down and rested her hands on her hips instead, looking at him.

“What – what _is_ _up_ with you today, Shane?” She wasn’t peppy anymore, just tired. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he whispered under his breath. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m – I’m just – I’m just being a fucking _dick_ , okay?”

He tried to tell her, but he couldn’t say the words – he couldn’t shake the feeling that they would burn off his tongue.

“Why?”

“I think you _know_ why.”

Daphne sighed and licked her lips, then she took a few steps over to her porch and sat down. Her hands were resting in her lap. She didn’t look upset – or even surprised, just _sad._

“Oh –“

Shane finally let go of the hammer. Then he shook his head. “Listen – I’m gonna take off, and I’ll – I’ll have Marnie come over and help you with the melons, okay? If she’s busy I’m sure she can at least bring the truck over.”

She didn’t stop him – she didn’t even say _anything._ The disappointment in her eyes was burning marks in the skin on his back as she was looking at him walking away.

This – _this_ was why he couldn’t let himself get close to more people than he already was. He was a chronic disappointment to them, and seeing them react to his fuck-ups just made it worse. Unfortunately for Jas and Marnie they were stuck with him, but Daphne could still escape him.


	13. Wrong Questions, Right Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daphne deals with the emotional turmoil of Shane's state, and oversteps a boundary.

“I just fucking – I don’t even know; I _worry_ about him – you know?”

Her head was spinning since he left. Daphne finally caved and called Leah. She didn’t tell her about her attraction to Shane, though – especially not now, because she wasn’t even sure that she was able to justify it to herself, let alone someone else. Her hands were restless – there was this pressure in her palms that made it impossible for her to keep her hands idle.

Daphne was stupid for not realizing that there had only been a few days. Their bubble had been so intense – like there was no world outside the farm, and now she found herself having to come to terms with the very indisputable fact that Shane hadn’t been getting sober, he was _busy_. 

“Daphne – this, this is kinda how addiction works.”

Leah brought Daphne for a walk to calm her down. By the time she had gotten to the farm, Daphne was pacing – completely unable to sit still for even a second. Even Leah had struggled to keep up with her. Daphne was walking like she would go back in time if she just walked fast enough. Now she was sitting. Her hands had taken over the movement for her body as she obsessively grabbed for things to rip to shreds – right now, a big leaf from an oak tree.

“These things, they _do_ happen. This isn’t something you can control.”

Daphne hadn’t noticed until now – which meant that it very well may also not have been factual, but everything seemed bleaker today. The saturation of summer was fading, even if it had just started. Even though it wasn’t cold outside, she felt the urge to wear a cardigan over her regular outfit of shorts and a t-shirt. Birds were chirping – Daphne usually _loved_ that, but now it was just more white noise. Everything was suddenly so _loud._

Leah was standing, but now she walked over to the log Daphne was sitting on and placed herself next to her. She grabbed Daphne’s hands, and instead of letting go, Daphne crunched the leaf she had been tearing into her palms – saving it. Leah’s hands were folded around Daphne’s fists, and she looked at her with narrow eyes – thinking. It wasn’t until she could feel the warmth radiate off Leah’s palms that Daphne realized how cold her own hands were.

“Can I be honest with you?” It took a few seconds before Leah finally spoke – and Daphne had a sinking feeling she wouldn’t like what came next, but she still nodded.

“I’m not –“ Leah paused, letting go of Daphne’s hands – and immediately Daphne went back to subconsciously splitting the leaf. She had no idea she was doing it.

“What I’m trying to say is that – uh, as much as I like Shane, maybe this isn’t a healthy situation for you. I can tell that you’re stressed.” Leah pointed to Daphne’s hands.

Remembering how this used to drive more or less everyone in her life mad – because there were shreds of paper or leaves or sticks everywhere – Daphne stopped. She let the pieces of the leaf slide out of her hands. Instead, Daphne put her hand to her lips and started tugging on her bottom lip. 

“There was this – this _look_ in his eyes,” she described, justifying more to herself than to Leah why she was putting herself in the middle of this situation. Shane’s face had been so stolid, but his eyes – his eyes gave him away. “He looked scared, Leah – I don’t know, it’s just-“

“I get it, Daphne – but just _please_ remember that this isn’t something you just _fix._ ” Leah interrupted her. Her eyebrows were furrowed, her eyes piercing – it was strange to see her this assertive, because so far she had pinned her down to be a pretty mellow person.

Daphne was sure that Shane’s smiles this weekend had been real – even the way he carried himself had been so _different,_ but then today everything she told herself was the _real_ Shane was just gone. All she wanted was to hold onto that, _cling_ onto that. She wasn’t thinking that she could save him – except she was, but she didn’t let herself realize, because if she did then she’d have to face the fact that she was powerless and living in a fantasy world.

“I will – I will, but _how_ do you fix this?” Daphne was eager to move on. She didn’t want to talk about her own well-being anymore. The reason she called Leah was to talk about Shane, not herself.

“I’d say maybe just _wait._ Let him come to you if he wants to – and _if_ he does, just tell him that you’re there – if he wants to talk.”

Daphne nodded slowly, pulling on her fingers.

“But before you do tell him that you’re there – know _for sure_ that you can be without throwing your own sanity under the bus, because it’s going to be _hell,_ Daphne.”

She had thought that Leah was just delivering words of wisdom, but the way she spoke now – this wasn’t just smart thoughts, this was experience. They sat in silence for a moment – not because Daphne didn’t already have a thousand things she wanted to say – but because suddenly she had the chance to distract herself.

“My ex-girlfriend,” Leah _finally_ continued. Daphne sat up straight and leaned in to listen – forgetting all about her own problems, because she was much more comfortable dealing with everyone else’s.

“She could get mean – and I mean _really_ mean. One moment she could be kind and funny, and then something just _shifted._ Daphne – as much as I like Shane, I can _tell_. There’s this _look_ in his eyes sometimes - he can get mean too.”

That was the problem. Daphne wasn’t scared off by mean – she was drawn to it like a fly to a light-source. Like with Bea – she hadn’t been an addict, but she had more or less turned Daphne into one. Without _someone,_ Daphne was no one.

* * *

After almost two hours they headed back. Paw had been with them the entire time, but she couldn’t concentrate on him. He seemed to be fine with that – he was on a mission to make sure he smelled every single strand of grass, and thus he didn’t have the time to socialize. Daphne left Leah at her cottage and headed back – but froze when she saw Marnie’s farm.

He was probably there – alone, scared, hurting – needing _someone._ Daphne was someone. Marnie had called her earlier to ask of she needed help with the melons, and Daphne had declined politely – but that meant Shane _had_ gone home. As she walked to the front door, the ground wasn’t solid – it was liquid, and she could feel herself disappearing into it the closer she got.

Then she knocked – and Marnie answered almost right away. Their eyes hadn’t even met – the door wasn’t even completely open before Daphne blurted out:  
  
“Is he home?”

Marnie smiled when she saw who it was, but not in her usual warm and maternal way. There was a sadness to it – her eyes were tired, with a hint of shock and confusion at Daphne’s presence. Paw more or less immediately slipped in between Marnie and the door – feeling too familiar with his own living quarters.

“He’s- Shane’s not doing well, Daphne-“ Marnie started explaining, but Daphne shook her head.

“I don’t care – I really need to see him,” she pleaded.

Marnie took a step back and opened the door even wider – allowing for Daphne to enter. Daphne looked around. The world didn’t feel familiar to her anymore – even the places she’d been several times looked strange to her. Marnie put a hand on her shoulder to get Daphne’s attention, and brought her into the kitchen.

“Can I get you anything, sweetheart?” Marnie spoke in a hushed voice, her expression soft. Daphne shook her head – her legs were restless, and she was rubbing her arm, like she was looking for a fix – and in a way, she was. 

Marnie gave her a slight nod and started moving towards what Daphne assumed was Shane’s bedroom door. She knocked on it softly. “Shane?”

Daphne could hear his muffled voice through the door. He was frustrated. “ _What_?”

“There’s – uh, you have a visitor.”

“Tell her to fuck off,” Shane replied. He knew exactly who it was. Marnie turned to look at her, her eyebrows knitted in worry. She took a step back and gestured that the choice was hers. The door was unlocked.

Daphne thought there should be a sign on the door that said: ‘enter at own risk’. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she was walking into the lion’s den, but she did it anyway. There was a small hallway leading into his room – and the first thing that slammed against her when she walked in, was the distinct smell of conifers. The air was warm and heavy. Then, she rounded the corner – and there was no turning back. 

Shane looked like a scared cat. He was sat between the TV-stand and his bed, wearing the same clothes he had been earlier – but now it suddenly looked like he’d been wearing them for days. Like on instinct, Daphne acted exactly like she would have if she wanted to gain the trust of a scared animal.

She placed her back to the wall opposite Shane, and slowly let herself glide down. Her cardigan and shirt got caught between her back and the wall, and by the time she reached the floor, her shirt had tightened around her ribs – showing off her stomach. Shane covered his eyes like he’d turn to stone if he looked at her for too long.

“Get – _fuck,_ pull your fucking shirt down, _Jesus_.”

Daphne yanked her shirt down but slid the cardigan off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor instead.

“There – is that better?”

Shane took his hand away from his eyes and glared at her. “No.”

The room was spinning. She was feeling stupid now, and he looked at her like she was.

“I’m not here to –“

Daphne stopped. She realized that once she said it, she couldn’t take it back. Emotional support didn’t have take-backsies – not in her world anyhow – and if she couldn’t deliver on her promise, she’d just make things worse for him. But looking at him now, he was so broken. How could a person go from who he was this weekend and just - overnight – turn into this? Shane looked like a ghost, and subsequentially – Daphne looked like she’d just seen one.

“ _What_?” Shane spit fire, but his eyes practically screamed sadness at her. He looked at her for two seconds before he buried his face in his palm.

“I’m not here to bother you, Shane – if you want me to leave I will, bu-“

“I want you to leave.” He didn’t let her finish.

“I will, but Sh-“

“Daphne, I want you to leave.” His voice was calm, but she could see him shaking. He looked up at her – his face contorted, like he was in extreme physical pain.

“Sha-“

“Please, just _go. Please._ ” He was _desperate_ for her to go.

Daphne swallowed hard – trying to hold back tears. She had been stupid for coming here, stupid to think that he’d want to see her after how he acted today. He had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want to be around her and then she just _turns up_ in his room – after he specifically told her not to. She got up silently and left without saying another word. The ground had sucked her up completely now and her body was numb.

Marnie was sitting in the kitchen with Paw. She gestured for Daphne to sit, and Daphne shook her head. “I should – I have a lot of things to do.”

“I’ll try and convince him to call you tomorrow,” Marnie assured her.

Daphne forced a smile – still fighting hard to hold back her tears. She couldn’t let herself cry the _first_ time she saw him like this. How could she offer him any help if she couldn’t even look at him without crying when he needed it the most? She wouldn’t let herself – not even when the door closed behind her.

* * *

That night, Daphne barely slept. His voice kept replaying in her head – begging her to leave, like she was torturing him by just being there. Was she an idiot for thinking that she could help him? Daphne couldn’t get herself to think that she made things worse for him – because this weekend had been _great._ Something else had to be bothering him, and of course he was pushing her away – it wasn’t like she unlocked the door immediately for anyone who came to _her_ rescue either.

Daphne realized that she had it all wrong. All the bits and pieces of him were all still _him._ She wanted now – more than ever – to help him, to know all of him. He was beautifully complicated in the best and worst way. When she was at her lowest, she had gotten help – and she desperately wanted the same for him. 

When the sun finally came up, Daphne decided it was time to stop moping around and get back to work. She got medicine, jumped into the shower and then she got dressed. With or without Shane, she needed to get these melons out of the way. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t control what he was feeling or what he wanted. Leah was right when she said that Shane had to come to her.

Since Pierre’s was closed, she had to place the melons somewhere without sun, so she wouldn’t lose them all to the heat – the shed being the obvious choice. She opened the door and Paw ran out first, his entire body wagging. She stood there for a second and looked at him, thinking how nice it would be to be that excited _just_ to go outside. Daphne’s moods were constantly shifting – and though she was fine more often than not, it was terrifying when she wasn’t. She was afraid that one day, the bad day would just never end. Today wasn’t one of those days.

Before she could load anything into the shed, she had to clear it out. So, she carried all her equipment and materials from the shed to the barn to store them there temporarily. The barn was bigger, so it would have made more sense to stock the melons in there – but the roof wasn’t exactly solid, so the sun would be a problem there too.

Once she was done clearing the shed, she started carrying the melons into it. She had to try and fail for hours to find ways to balance the boxes so they wouldn’t tumble. First, the boxes were too full, so they rolled off each other. When she tried to fix that by putting a few melons into a new box, she couldn’t fit all of them in. She practically played farmer-Tetris. Daphne was glad no one was there to see her throw her tantrums, because they were just like a toddler’s – leg-stomping, screaming, laying down on the ground, all of it.

It was almost early evening by the time she _finally_ got it right. She didn’t even know why it suddenly worked; it just did. Instead of making dinner she picked a few tomatoes and ate them like they were apples while she watered the crops.

Daphne kept herself occupied for most of the evening working on different projects. The only two she ended up actually finishing was the melons and the crops. She went inside and dug out some of her grandfather’s old – empty – notebooks, from a drawer she had just labeled ‘ _shit I don’t know what to do with’_ in her head. Then she _finally_ started making a list, thinking that if Shane could see her now, he’d be proud.

She decided to sit outside on the porch to try and find some peace. After she had written a list of all the things she needed to get done - like fixing up the greenhouse before winter, talk to Robin about a kitchen, actually sort through her equipment – she started making charts. She drew up maps and squares - to color when she had watered them - for crops – one page for each day. Daphne had already lost a fair amount of money because she forgot to water a section once in a while. If she could actually commit to these charts, her life would be much easier.

Daphne had pulled on a hoodie before she went outside - because it was still cold in the evenings – and she had put her hair in a bun. She found herself thinking that she probably looked like a teenager doing homework where she sat, chewing on the string while concentrating hard on the layout of the pages.

She was so far into her own head that it took her longer than she wanted to admit realizing that Marnie’s truck had pulled up into her driveway. It wasn’t until she heard Shane clear his throat that she looked up – with the string in her mouth still, and her eyes wild because of the surprise. He stood there looking at her with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey.” His voice was flat – his expression hard. Daphne couldn’t get a read on him and was half convinced that he was there to lay into her for intruding on him yesterday.

She pushed the string out of her mouth with her tongue, and closed the journal – not saying anything, because she didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Honestly, she had forgotten for a moment – until he turned up and it all came rushing back. She was mortified.

“Marnie – uh, she mentioned you had stopped by yesterday?” His voice went up at the end like he was asking her a question. “Apparently I hadn’t been a very pleasant host.”

“I was intruding, Shane – you said you didn’t want me to come in and I did it anyway - you are allowed to tell me to fuck off.”

She spoke without thinking twice about it, and she could hear the embarrassment on her own voice. Suddenly the hoodie felt really warm, and she was debating whether she was going to take it of or not. 

“Wow – thanks for your permission,” Shane snapped back. Daphne’s stomach twisted and she could feel her head move back as if she was dodging a punch. Shane looked as surprised as she did.

“Sorry,” he quickly interjected. “It’s a – a reflex, I guess?” Again, he said it like a question. Then he paused, as if he was waiting for Daphne to answer.

“It’s fine, Shane – don’t worry, I g-“

“Daphne, _stop._ You can’t do that - you _can’t_ let me get away with treating you like shit just because you feel sorry for me or – or - or whatever.” He pulled his hands out of his pocket and took a few steps towards her as he talked through his teeth.

Daphne raised an eyebrow. “ _Fine._ You’re a dick.”

Her response made the corners of Shane’s mouth twitch – like he was trying to hold back a smile, but eventually he failed, and she could see a faint smile – almost invisible, but it was there. Looking at him now, she knew that she _had_ to.

“I’ll be there for you if you want me to,” she blurted out suddenly. Then she opened her mouth again – like she was going to add something, but her mind drew blank and she closed it again without saying anything. She grabbed her wrist and twisted it.

Shane looked at her – standing still, his eyes wide, rapidly blinking like he was trying to process. Then he grabbed his chin and started tugging on his face.

“ I – you can’t promise me that. I don’t _want you_ to promise me that.” Daphne realized that he was tugging his chin to try to mask the fact that it was quivering.

“That’s for me to decide.” Daphne got up and walked down the stairs of the porch, stopping with a sizable distance still between them. She crossed her arms and looked at Shane, as he tried to avoid meeting her gaze.

“Yeah, thanks,” he muttered. “I should probably head out I think Marnie may have needed the truck.”

That was the worst excuse she’d ever heard. It was like eleven at night, Marnie was undoubtedly asleep. Daphne didn’t say anything, she just answered him with a small nod.

“Uh – is it okay if I maybe drop by tomorrow? Help you get rid of those melons?”

Daphne tilted her head slightly to the side and hummed softly. “ _Please,_ I never want to see those melons again.”

Shane looked around himself, suddenly realizing that the boxes of melons she was working with yesterday were gone. “Where are they, anyway?”

Daphne gestured for him to follow her, and they walked down to the shed together. Suddenly the gap between them had closed – Daphne could have grabbed his hand if she wanted to. Then, she opened the door and enjoyed the shock on Shane’s face.

“ _Holy fuck,_ how long did that even take?”

“All day.” Daphne put her hands on her hips, proudly.

Then they stood there for a few seconds, her looking at Shane – Shane looking at the melons, and Daphne found herself smiling sweetly seeing the awe on his face. Just as she was about to speak, Shane took a few steps back, repeating that he should probably head back home.

Daphne followed him to his car, and again they just stood there – but this time they were both looking at each other. Shane opened the car door but paused and turned around to look at her again.

“Can I ask you something kinda weird before I go?” He blurted it out, immediately regretting it.

“Sure?”

Shane scraped his hand through his hair and broke eye contact with her.

“Uh- Alex,” he started. “Are you guys going out or something?”

“If I’m going out with Alex? Like – if I’m _dating_ Alex?”

Shane nodded.

Daphne could feel herself getting annoyed – not at Shane, but she figured that these rumors _had to_ come from Haley. Daphne shook her head.

“I don’t know who told you that, Shane – but no. Alex and I are old friends, nothing more.”

Shane didn’t look satisfied with her answer, but he nodded slowly. Then he snapped out of it and climbed into his car.

“Well- I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	14. Full-Fucking-Circle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abuse (mental and physical) and other tags may apply

“The _bathhouse?_ ” Daphne asked, obviously disappointed.

This day had been as if the two past days didn’t happen. It wasn’t a reset; they didn’t start from scratch – they just slipped into the same playful tone they had been having for the past few days. Shane finally delivered on his promise to help Daphne with the melons, but they were cutting it close. Shane was off work at three – and Pierre’s closed at five, and there were _a lot_ of melons. To make matter worse, Paw kept jumping onto the truck bed. Eventually Daphne said it was fine, because he was an ‘animelon’. Shane told her that was a stupid joke.

To make up for being an asshole, Shane decided that he wanted to offer Daphne pretty much the only thing he had that was _his –_ that she couldn’t get from anyone but him. Well, that wasn’t true- she probably could, but he had never seen another soul up here. It had been a bitch to get her to go, because she couldn’t bring Paw and she ‘didn’t want to make two trips in one day’ – and then she asked Shane if he was going to kill her, since he was insisting that she didn’t bring him on this walk.

After a lot of convincing, he finally got her here – and now she was whining when they weren’t even halfway there. Something made Shane think that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. He’d even stopped by The Stardrop while she was at Pierre’s to buy two ready-made meals that he had safely tucked away in his backpack so he could surprise her with them when she inevitably started to moan about being hungry.

He'd felt in control walking into the saloon. Today was one of those days where he wasn’t even really tempted – and the unwelcome sight of Pam already wasted and asleep on her table before five in the afternoon made it even easier to walk out of there. He did feel for the woman- she was a pretty great lady, but she was a sloppy drunk – and for most of the time Shane made a point _not_ to be. He crossed that lines a few times, but rarely on purpose.

Shane was deep into his train of thoughts, so he forgot to answer.

“You pulled me up here – _on the mountain –_ after I have carried a _literal ton of melons_ – twice, _twice –_ to show me the bathhouse?” She was waving her arms like an idiot. Shane stopped and looked at her with a pinched expression on his face and sighed heavily. 

“Is the fact that we’re still walking an indicator that we’re gonna stop here?”

Daphne threw her arms out to her sides and did a twirl. “There’s nowhere to go, Shane – literally nowhere else! Unless you’re gonna tie me to the train tracks? You _are_ going to kill me, aren’t you?”

“Don’t tempt me.” Shane rolled his eyes and turned around to keep walking. “Just follow me, okay?”

He crossed the tracks, and when Daphne stood on the other side - saying she was afraid to cross, because she was now convinced that that he was going to tie her to them – he seriously considered it. Unfortunately, he didn’t bring rope. He did bring duct tape though – which was probably more efficient anyway. More of a multi tool, he _always_ brought it when he went hiking.

Shane stopped in front of a steep wall that you’d need equipment to climb – partially to freak her out.

“You’re not getting me to climb that.” She crossed her arms and lifted her chin, so it looked sharp.

“Wasn’t planning on it – just wanted to see your face.” Shane smirked, and kept walking alongside the edge of the wall until they came to a pathway that was blocked by a boulder.

When he was a kid, this wasn’t blocked. Even back then he was alone up here – and since he wasn’t exactly what you’d call a social kid, he quickly grew to enjoy being alone. During the seasons, the woods would be chock full of berries. Shane would spend hours picking them and bring them back to Marnie – who would usually make jam from them. She always let him bring a jar home, but his father would either break them in a fit or eat them.

Daphne was starting to catch on and looked at him with her arms crossed – again, which had pretty much turned into her signature pose for this trip. She looked more curious now than defiant.

“I used to go here as a kid.” Shane looked up at the boulder. “Was pretty bummed when I came here and saw that it had been closed off – _until-_ “ Shane lifted his finger as if to say, ‘wait for it’ and squatted, pointing to a stone lodged between the boulder and the hill. “I realized that nature gave me a steppingstone.”

Shane stepped up on it and climbed on top of the boulder. It was fairly steady, so he didn’t worry about it slipping. If he had even a sliver of doubt that it was safe, he’d never have brought Daphne here. As much as she drove him crazy, she had been growing on him. He slid down from the boulder on the other side. It _did_ take some convincing to get her to join him, but eventually she caved and climbed up.

As she moved to slide down, Shane held his arms out and grabbed her by the waist, and she pushed his arms off once she hit the ground.

“Jesus, Shane – I’m not a child.”

“Yeah? Could’ve fooled me.”

Daphne stuck her tongue out at him – like that was helping her prove her claim, and he stuck his out right back at her – which made her smile. She seemed to like it when he did things that she felt was out of character for him. Of course, they weren’t out of character – she just didn’t know him that well. Shane knew what kind of message he was putting out there though, so he wasn’t really offended when people just assumed he was a grump _all the time._ It wasn’t _that_ far off from the truth.

They walked for a while – and after about five minutes, she started complaining again. He had taken them up a path into the woods, and the thick carpet of leaves over them eventually covered for the sun. The only reason it wasn’t pitch black was the small sun rays that traveled between the trees. They didn’t really talk much on the way there – their few conversations were mostly Daphne moaning about something and him telling her to shut up.

He had a sense of peace out here that he didn’t have anywhere else. Often he thought about just doing like that weird old man that lived up in the mountains – grab a tent and just move up here. But he wasn’t really keen on eating food out of people’s trash. 

After about twenty minutes they were there – and Daphne snapped out of whatever mood she had been in that made her _extra_ annoying. She climbed on top a large wooden stub and held her hand up to cover for the sun as she looked around herself. Shane couldn’t help but smile looking at her – suddenly she was so enthusiastic. She pulled out her ponytail to let her hair blow in the wind, and Shane wondered if she knew that he thought her most redeeming quality was her hair. He almost told her.

“This is it?”

“This is it.”

Shane held onto the straps on his backpack as he turned to look at the view too. This was the very top of this side of the mountain. One could see more or less everything from here. It wasn’t dark enough to make him say that Zuzu city looked nice – but it did when it was dark, with small lights looking like stars. But everything else – the woods, the town, the ocean – even the desert. You could see it from here.

She sat down on the stub, and Shane tried to wave her over to a small seating area.

“I will never move again. This will be the stub upon which I will live out the rest of my days. ”

“Are you clinically insane or just incredibly annoying?” Shane was getting tired of her.

She sent him a sly smile and got up and ambled over to him, sitting down where he gestured for her to sit. “Probably both.”

“Glad we can agree on _something_ ,” Shane jeered.

They sat facing the woods – they were Shane’s favorite. One of his favorite things was seeing the evergreen conifers meet the light green shades of the leaf trees. There was something about that – the contrast between them – that made Shane feel tranquil. He felt refreshed – and he could more or less look at it for hours and never grow tired from it.

“Shane?” Daphne looked in the same direction as him - but looked at him through the corner of her eye. 

“Hm?”  
  
“How are you like, _really_ doing?” Now she turned her head to look at him, tilting it slightly.

Shane didn’t turn to look at her. He wasn’t sure how to answer that question, because he didn’t feel like it mattered anymore. The last time he had a drink he didn’t do it because something bad happened – he had a lapse in judgement, and it had been _so_ easy for him to convince himself to drink. He hadn’t planned on quitting this time, it kinda just happened. Somehow that helped.

“I’m fine.” It was short, but for the time being it was also true. “Jason used to tell me to just take it hour by hour, you know? I let him down time and time again – and he never stopped believing in me - always cheering me on, so now that's what I tell myself. I'll just wait an hour.”

He could hear himself talking but he didn’t feel like _he_ made the decision to. Shane glanced over at Daphne, who was looking at him – interested, puzzled.

“He doesn’t believe in you now?”

Shane raised his eyebrows at the thought – and the way she phrased that question. He had never told Daphne that Jason was dead, just briefly mentioned him in passing. It never came up. He didn’t want to ruin the moment by telling her now. Talking about him in present tense – it felt good. Shane half-smiled to himself, but he glanced over at Daphne again as he did.

“I guess he does.”

Daphne smiled softly back. “So, what were you like in college anyway?”

“What?” Shane turned his head to look at her – his eyes widened, and he absentmindedly started rubbing his arm.

“Did you act like a crummy old man back then too?”

“I do not act like a ‘crummy old man’, I’m tall, dark and handsome. It’s _not_ my fault you can’t tell the difference.”

“You got two out of three right.” Daphne smirked, looking at him with her head still tilted. She was leaning back on her arms now, and her hair was kind of just flowing everywhere.

“Which two?” He leaned in subconsciously, interested in her answer.

“I will never tell.”

Shane rolled his eyes – but began thinking about her question. What had he even been like in college?

“Ambitious,” he thought out-loud – and as he did, he thought it almost sounded like a joke. But it had been true. “I was gonna be a gridball player - played varsity, was one of the favorites to make it.”

Daphne played with her thumb on her bottom lip and answered with a simple surprised ‘huh’.

His alcohol problem made it impossible for him to keep going on. Of course, he blamed it on an old injury, but he just couldn’t stand going to practice when he was hungover. Jason hadn’t picked up on how bad it had become yet, because it was in their early twenties and they both partied like idiots – Jason just didn’t notice that Shane never stopped drinking. It wasn’t until Jason came back after a weekend visiting his parents, seeing the state of the apartment – the state of _Shane_ – it wasn’t until then he realized.

“I don’t really know how to ask this, so I’m just gonna come right out and say it,” Daphne announced, breaking Shane out of his deep thoughts – snapping him back to reality.

“Well – uh, my birthday is next Saturday, and I was thinking about inviting a few people to hang out at the saloon and-“ Daphne stopped for a second. “It’s _totally_ okay to say no – but I was thinking – maybe – I thought maybe you’d like – the option- to?”

Daphne faltered, and Shane couldn’t help but think her adorable as she did – he hated when she made him think that as he was actively trying to avoid thinking about her like that. Her entire face was scrunched up and her eyes narrowed to the point where he almost couldn’t see them anymore. He was powerless against that.

Shane sucked his teeth. He didn’t know if he was ready – but she was inviting him to his birthday, and apart from Jas, Shane couldn’t remember having been invited to the birthday of someone he actually knew in _years._

“Thanks – uh-”

“You don’t – you don’t have to answer right away, you can take your time.” Daphne interrupted him.  
  
The one thing that was particularly pressing on his mind was that Saturday next week was an awful long time away. He didn’t want to make promises he couldn’t make – and he didn’t know if he was welcome if he started drinking again. This whole – _thing –_ with Daphne, he didn’t know what to call it – he wasn’t clear on the conditions.

Shane walked with Daphne back down to the farm, and he had to concentrate not to let his mind wander. He ended up walking behind her more often than not, and she was wearing black shorts with a black halter top, which wasn’t all that endearing – but she was wearing those stockings that went up on her thigh.

Those generally drove Shane crazy, and it was fine when she was annoying, but now she was something else entirely. She had let her hair stay down, and she was in a mood where she kept throwing her head back laughing – and her laugh was contagious.

Shane found himself in a situation where he not only _wanted_ to stay on the farm with her - he wanted to stay on the farm with _her_. So, he left - because he had to, before his mind started making traps for him.

* * *

Shane lasted the whole week and a half. His moods were still varying – _especially_ around Daphne, because she just threw him completely out of orbit. She could be on top of the world in one moment – whiny in the next, then suddenly she was flirty- and more often than not, she was passive aggressive about _something_. It was impossible to keep track of her. He also had a tendency to tick her off – but that was neither here nor there. But he’d been enjoying himself. 

He felt like he was doing well – he could already see the effects of his newfound sobriety. Shane had lost a few pounds – but that didn’t matter as much to him, he was never really insecure about his body because it wasn’t like he was showing it off to someone. The part that mattered to him was that his face – he looked like himself. He didn’t have as pronounced dark circles under his eyes anymore, his eyes weren’t red and dull – and he wasn’t constantly puffy. Even his hair had started to regain some of the curl he had when he was younger. 

Jas had of course picked up on the changes – that his moods were different, that he came home earlier but left earlier too, and she’d asked Marnie. Marnie had put ideas in her head – so now Jas was constantly nagging to go with him. Today was no exception.

She had put on her shoes – insisting that she was coming along. Shane carried her back inside – watched her melt down, let her calm down – and when he left she _of course_ followed him back outside, this time trying to _sneak_ after him. Like he didn’t know to look behind him. Shane looked down at her, arms crossed.

“Get back inside, Jas.”  
  
“No.”

Shane took a step in her direction. She jumped back and grinned mischievously.

“Jas, I’m _serious_ – get back inside. You’re not coming.”  
  
She shook her head. Shane shrugged and walked back to the front door.

“Fine. Then I guess I won’t go either.”

And just like that, she was _howling_.

“Jas – for fucks sake!”

She took off her shoe and threw it at him. Shane caught her shoe mid-air and pointed it at her, like he was threatening to throw it back.

“Hey! You don’t fucking throw shit at me!”

As he talked, she picked up her other shoe and he lunged forward to grab her arms, which only made her scream even louder and cry even more.  
  
“ _Jesus,_ ” he muttered as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her into her bedroom. “Stop squirming, or I’m gonna drop you!”

“Ow – Uncle Shane, ow – you’re hurting me, ow!” 

One downside to her being smart was that she had picked up on emotional manipulation. He wasn’t even close to actually hurting her, but she knew that if she said ‘ow’ he’d almost immediately let her go every time. Shane bent over and placed her down on her bed, Jas still screaming bloody murder. Marnie came rushing in.

“What on _earth_ is going on?!”

Shane pointed to Jas. “I’m not letting her do whatever the _fuck_ she wants, so I’m the worst person in the _fucking_ world – and apparently – now I’m fucking abusing her, too! ”

“I _do_ wish you wouldn’t swear so much around her.” Marnie spoke in a calm voice.

“She’s throwing shit at me, I get to swear as much was I _fucking_ want,” he responded dryly.

Marnie tilted her head disapprovingly. Suddenly Shane understood the urge to throw shoes.

“She’s _six,_ Shane.”

“Seven!” Jas corrected Marnie – her birthday was the first week of summer.

“Acting two,” Shane snapped back at Jas. She was sitting on her bed, crossing her arms with the most ridiculous pout he had ever seen.

“I’m going.”

He turned to Marnie. “Now _you_ keep an eye on her.”

Then he turned to Jas. “And _you_ let me know when you’re ready to act your age - and I’ll see what I can do about visiting the farm.”

Jas stuck her tongue out at him. “Just wait until Miss Penny teaches me karate!”

He threw his hands up in the air and left.

* * *

As usual the first thing that met Shane once he stepped foot onto Daphne’s premises was the slobber of Paw. He didn’t see Daphne on the field or in the barn, so he figured she had to be inside for some reason – but then he heard her.

“Hey – I’m up here!”

Shane looked around for a second – and when he saw her he almost blacked out. It was like someone sucked all the air out of him. She was on top of the greenhouse – and she’d apparently climbed up there on a shitty improvised ladder because apparently this goddamn moron had a fucking death wish.

“Get the _fuck_ down from there.” Shane was roaring as he ran as fast as he could in her direction. It was a house made of glass and metal beams that had been in a horrible condition for years. He knew she was an idiot, but this was a whole new low – even for her.

Once he reached the greenhouse he realized that Daphne hadn’t moved – figuring she had to be hurt, he climbed up the ladder – silently fearing for his life. When he reached the top and he saw the confused look on her face, he took a deep breath.  
  
“Are you hurt?”

Daphne shook her head in response. Good – then he could fucking kill her himself and take all the credit.

“Was a _wild animal_ chasing you? Are you _actually_ trying to kill yourself? Do you have _wings_ that I don’t know about?” Now he had verged into the sarcastic, asking these questions in the same calm tone as the first. Daphne looked at him like he was stupid.

She crossed her arms – he could see her nostrils flaring. “What the fuck, Shane?”

“Get down.” His voice was quivering, because he was trying his best not to scream at her now that he was up close. He climbed down the ladder so she could follow. Daphne moved towards the ladder and looked over the edge down at Shane – and he instinctively held his arms out so he could be ready to catch her if she fell – but she didn’t come down.

“No.” She gave him that same mischievous smile that Jas had given him earlier and he was about to lose it.

“ _Fuck_ \- Daphne – I swear I’ll _-_ I’m _not_ fucking messing around – come down here.” He started out calm, but he progressively lost control until he was practically just growling at the end of it, his eyes shooting daggers at her.

She rolled her eyes and sighed – and then she finally began climbing down. Shane grabbed the ladder to hold it steady and she stopped.

“I’ll kick your face if you don’t let go.”

“ _Try it_ and see what _fucking_ happens.”

She stood there for a few seconds – cursing under her breath – but then she began climbing down again. Shane grabbed her face with both his hands.

“Are you a _fucking moron?!_ ”

“ _Excuse_ me?!” She put her hands up on the inside of his arms and shoved his hands out of her face.

Shane took a step back and clamped his hands on the back of his head. He was pacing back and forth slowly while speaking – but once again progressively losing control over his volume and mannerisms as he went. 

“I can’t believe I’m gonna have to fucking explain _\- to an adult -_ why you don’t fucking _make a shitty ladder_ so you can climb onto a building made out of _fucking glass –_ when you’re fucking _alone,_ Daphne!”

Shane took a deep breath and paused, trying to calm himself down. He had been fucking terrified. Daphne stood there with tears in her eyes and her arms crossed, watching him with wild eyes.

“Do you realize that _I_ would have been the one to fucking find you if something happened?”

His eyebrows had knitted together in a mix of desperation and worry, but the adrenaline was still pumping in his blood and he couldn’t shake the need to hit _something._

“Did you drink again?”

Shane froze with his mouth open. His eyes narrowed and he took a step closer, leaning towards her.

“ _What_ did you just _fucking_ say?”

“You’re acting like a _fucking asshole - did – you – drink?_ ” Daphne was shaking from being tense, tears were already streaming down her face – this was anger, not sadness.

Shane took a step back and put his hand to his cheek. She just slapped him – not physically, but he felt it still. He could feel his eyes burning as the tears started to press. Shane shook his head, eyes welling up and then he turned to leave – walking as fast as he could before he did something stupid. 

“Fuck off, Shane – _fuck you_!” Daphne ran after him. “You don’t get to come here and _scream_ at me, and then just _run away_ after!”

He stopped in front of the barn, and Daphne placed herself between him and the wall. Paw had begun to walk uneasily around the farm premises, trying to stay out of their way. Shane was rubbing his forehead pacing back and forth – not because he was thinking, but because he couldn’t decide if he was going to leave or strangle her. He couldn’t believe that she would ask him that – after he’d done so well this past week – after he _opened up to her_ about shit, and then she throws it in his fucking _face?_

“You don’t get to come here to _my farm_ and _scream at me_ for shit I’m doing on _my – fucking – farm –_ and then, _then_ act like I’m a _fucking monster_ for asking you if you have been drinking – like it would be _the first fucking time-“_

Shane practically bounced on her and grabbed her shoulders - plowing her back and into the wall. He slammed his hands into the wall on each side of her head. Daphne didn’t flinch, she just looked up at him. He grabbed her face with one hand, still pushing her against the wall with his other. Daphne’s breath hitched, and he leaned in and placed his forehead on hers.

“If you scream at me like that _ever_ again, I’ll fucking give you something to scream about,” he growled through clenched teeth.

Daphne didn’t say anything, but he could feel her trembling and for a second it made him feel powerful. Shane held the pose for a few seconds before it dawned on him. She was fucking terrified of him right now – and he’d given her every fucking reason to be. He let go of her and backed away slowly, and Daphne ran.

He'd finally done it – he’d finally gone _full fucking circle._ If Daphne had said another word, Shane didn’t know what the hell he would have done, but the feeling of losing control like that – being _able_ to lose control like that – he didn’t want to even think about it.

He’d hurt her, he’d actually – _actually –_ hurt her, and he didn’t have to hit her for that to be true.

Full – fucking – circle.

Shane turned to leave, but he had no idea where he was headed. He just walked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say something about that last scene - you could read into it what you like, but I just want to stress that for me this scene does not exist to build sexual tension or be cute and romantic. I don't think there is anything hot about the threat of - or use of - violence or verbal/mental abuse. I see so many authors in all kinds of arenas portray scenes like this as a way to build up sexual tension for the reader or turn it into a 'bad boy gone good' kind of thing. That's not what I want with this scene, so I felt the need to be clear about that. 
> 
> If you or someone you know are victims of abuse or struggle with other mental issues, here is an overview of helplines world wide: https://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	15. Don't Do This at Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of disaster, Shane makes progress. 
> 
> Daphne turns twenty five - even though she's been saying she was twenty five all year.

Everything was a blur of adrenaline. Once she got in the door, she slammed it shot and leaned onto it – because part of her didn’t want to lock it, while part of her didn’t want him to come in. She couldn’t decide, so by leaning on it she at least kept both options open for a while more.

She was in shock – complete and absolute shock. Daphne sat with her back to the door and buried her face in her hands, peeking through the fingers – as if she was watching a scary movie, because that’s what it felt like. Not because of what Shane did, because of what _she_ did. It had been years since she lashed out that viciously – because it _was_ vicious, she _did_ intend to hurt him. She could try and explain it away, but she knew what it was because it had happened before – years ago – and she didn’t ever want to go back to that place.

Shane had lost his temper – and Daphne made damn sure to drive him to it. Her question hadn’t been genuine, and when he gave her the chance to take it back, she chose to stick to her guns and start shooting. It was like riding a bike. There was a switch – a bad one, and then she was that person again.

But he had a bad switch too. She couldn’t see _him_ in his eyes when he slammed her against the wall. Daphne hadn’t been scared, not really, because she couldn’t imagine a world where Shane would actually hurt her. She ran because looking at him made her realize what she had done, and she couldn’t stand it.

Daphne got up and looked out the window and could see him walk away slowly. Could they ever recover from this – were they _supposed_ to recover from this, was she supposed to forgive him – was he supposed to forgive her? She leaned her head onto the glass, feeling the cold surface push against her forehead and nose. Her breath made the window foggy, when she pulled back she wrote ‘sorry’ on the glass and looked at it for a while – and then she drew a line over it. 

He had thrown her into a wall – he had _thrown her – into – a – wall._ If she forgave him, did that mean she was diving headfirst into another abusive friendship – or had she suddenly become the abuser? Most of all she wanted to forget and pretend it didn’t happen.

“ _Ow! Shit!_ ”

She didn’t know it was even there, but while chewing on her nails she ended up pulling on a hangnail. Daphne looked down at her thumb, and she could see the blood gathering between the nail and the skin. She hadn’t bit it off completely, but it was hanging loose – and like on instinct she pushed it back so she could feel the sting.

This was all too much – and the worst part was that a part of her got a kick out of it. She hadn’t felt as alive as she did now in _ages_. How fucked up did she have to be to have that reaction to it all – like it was all good fun and a nice little fight to end the night? Daphne picked up her phone and put in a reminder to call her therapist in the morning.

Then it struck her – Shane was gonna drink. He was gonna drink and she would be the one who drove him to it – all because he argued something very reasonable in an unreasonable way. In a panic, she went through her contacts to find Marnie’s number and called.

“Hello?” Marnie was her usual cheery self.

“Hi Marnie, it’s – uh, it’s Daphne.” Her hands were in her hair, tugging it hard. What the hell was she supposed to say?

“Daphne – how nice of you to call, how are you?”

“I- I’m fine – but I don’t think Shane is, we – he got upset with me and I kinda – uh, we fought, and he stormed off and I’m worried, Marnie.”

Marnie fell silent on the other end of the line. Daphne double checked that the call was still connected, and that she hadn’t lost her.

“What- _when_ did he leave?” Daphne was pretty sure she’d never heard Marnie sound this serious before –she wasn’t angry, but she didn’t know what Daphne had done, the things she said to him – the look in his eyes.

“I don’t know a few minutes ago, maybe – but Marnie, it was _bad_ – I said somethings I’m not proud of and-“

“Hey now – don’t you worry yourself about this. Shane is a grown man, he can take it – and if he can’t that’s because he chooses not to, not because he’s not able to.”

Marnie’s voice was calm and firm, and Daphne wished she could believe her. The way Marnie said it – this wasn’t the first time she’d said this out loud. This was rehearsed, like it had been repeated over and over. 

Hearing the thud of Paw lying down right outside the front door, she realized she left him outside. Daphne got up on her feet and walked over to the door.

“Would you mind keeping me in the loop? If it’s not too much trouble?” Daphne didn’t feel like she had a right to ask that, but she did anyway. She needed to know that he was okay, that he wasn’t drunk or worse -

She opened the door, and there he was. His head had been leaning against the door, so when she opened it he almost fell in – but he managed to keep himself on his feet.

Marnie said something that Daphne didn’t hear. “Marnie, he’s here – I gotta go.” Daphne hung up the phone while staring at him.

When she saw it was Shane standing there, she had subconsciously taken a step back in surprise, and Shane read that as fear. He took a few steps back and raised his hands – showing her his palms to illustrate that he wasn’t going to hurt her. His eyes were fixed on the floor, his head probably still in the same position it had been when he was leaning again at the door.  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t wanna – I don’t know what to -.” He was shaking. When he took a deep breath, she could hear that his breath was too. “I _really_ don’t wanna drink, Daphne,” he looked up at her. “If I go home I’m gonna drink, if I _don’t_ I’m gonna drink – I just – I know I shouldn’t be _here_ , but I just don’t know where else to go right now.”

Until now, Daphne had been standing with her arms limp down her sides just staring at him. She took a step towards him and he jumped back.

“Don’t. Please, don’t.”

She wanted to – _all_ she wanted to do right now was wrap her arms around him and tell him how unbelievably proud she was of him. Everything else had melted away – the two people who existed ten minutes ago didn’t exist anymore, not to her. Daphne took a step to the side, away from the door so he could come in. She left the door open for Paw.

Shane sat down on the sofa, and Daphne went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She could hear Paw’s claws click against the floor, and when she turned to look, Shane had buried his head in his fur. The sound of Daphne walking back over was enough to make him look back up – and when she offered him the glass of water, he shook his head.

“No. You can’t take care of me, Daphne.” His voice was brittle.

“That’s not for you to decide.” Her voice was strict, but not angry. Shane looked up at her and grabbed the glass – it was obvious to her that he did it so they wouldn’t argue again, not because he wanted to – but that was good enough for her. His fingers graced hers lightly when the glass transferred, and Shane flinched like he’d just burned himself.

She pulled a chair from the kitchen table and sat down on it, looking at him. He was resting his elbows on his knees, holding the glass – but not drinking from it – and looking down. She couldn’t even see his expression.

Daphne didn’t know what was reasonable anymore – what was _fair?_ Looking at him now, she couldn’t be angry with him, only even more angry with herself realizing that she caused this. Even if it wasn’t her fault – which she still firmly believed it was, but for argument’s sake – she would still be the cause. Shane already held the gun, but she practically screamed for him to pull the trigger.

“Can I say something?” Daphne tried to sound as soft as she possibly could, because that was how she felt. Soft.

Shane didn’t answer, but she could hear his breath hitch. His legs were shaking – and the water in the glass he was supporting on them made waves. Daphne thought they looked more like tsunamis than waves – any second now they could just dip over the edge of the glass and take everything with them in one big swoop.

“I was out of line – _way_ out of line.”

His head flew up so fast Daphne was sure he was gonna break his neck. Shane placed his hand on his chest and looked her directly into the eyes for the first time since he got there. She could see _him_ again.

“ _You_ were out of line? Daphne – what the fuck, I fucking _hurt you!_ ” His voice was still brittle, maybe even more – and he gestured to her like she was living proof that he had.

“I hurt you too – _look_ at yourself!” She paced about two steps in each direction and pointed at him.

“ _Jesus,_ fuckin- you didn’t do this to me Daphne, _I_ did.” 

“Look, Shane – you didn’t even hurt me, I jus-“

“I can _see_ the red marks! Stop making fucking excuses for me!” Shane’s voice wasn’t brittle anymore – it was penetrating and rough, but he wasn’t speaking loudly.

Daphne hadn’t looked herself in a mirror, she didn’t know she had marks – but that didn’t mean they would turn into bruises. “Shane – I’m _fine._ ”

Shane gripped his own chin and pulled down, shaking his head – letting his eyes fall back down to the ground again. While he talked his legs had stopped moving, but now they were shaking again even more violently than before.

Daphne got up and moved over to him slowly. She was so _mad_ that he didn’t realize how amazing he was right now – how _hard_ this had to be for him, how strong he had to be to be there. Daphne kneeled down in front of him, and he flinched again.

“Stop,” he muttered under his breath.

Again – Daphne didn’t listen. She placed her hands on his knees and the way his breath hissed like her hands were pure fire made her stomach turn. His legs stopped moving.

“Shane, look at me.” Her voice was calm – and she was trying to embody that, but it was hard. All she wanted to do was yell at him for not seeing it himself – for making her say it, and in advance for not believing in it. She could feel herself well up. Shane still made every effort not to look at her – now that she was in front of him, his head was tilted to the side – and he was still shaking it, almost unnoticeably.

“I am _so_ proud of you.” Daphne’s voice was thick with emotion and her eyes were slowly drowning.

Shane stopped moving completely. She couldn’t hear his breath anymore – all she could feel was how tense he suddenly became.

“Shane, you could have been drinking right now but you _chose_ not to – do you realize that?”

He threw himself back – like he was trying to get as far away from the words as possible – and started shaking his head more frantically, grabbing his hair and pulling it. Instinctively, Daphne got up on her feet and grabbed his arms to make him stop hurting himself. Shane leaned his head onto her stomach and started sobbing uncontrollably – and Daphne wrapped her arms around his head and stood there for as long as she had to.

* * *

The next day, Daphne woke up to a notification on her phone to call her therapist – but yesterday she forgot that today was her birthday, so she typed in that she wanted to be reminded on Monday. That way she would have time to nurse her hangover after her party this weekend - today.

When she lived in the city, she had been a totally different person – at least that was how she felt. She hadn’t partied properly since she left. It was a way to numb herself to the dullness of her life. She’d go to work, and then twice a week – or more – she could go out drinking with her co-workers after. For a while, Daphne had seriously considered to just go spend her birthday there – but she had people she liked here that she wanted to spend it with.

She didn’t have close friends – but she did have friends back in the city. Those were the kind of friends you partied with, and that was more or less the only reason you hung out as often as you did. Daphne couldn’t name _one_ single thing they had in common – but they liked to dance, and so did she. The nights all usually went the same: pre-game either at someone’s apartment or in the breakroom at work – dance all night long – and then, eventually she always headed home with the same guy. Neither of them wanted anything serious, but their chemistry was off the charts. Match made in heaven.

And holy shit – Daphne missed sex. She missed it so much that she had actually invited him over here to stay the night, but he just replied that she should call him the next time she was in the city. His name was Scott – nickname ‘snot’ after an incident at work – and he was pretty great. The last time they slept together was the same week she left. Daphne didn’t know what she imagined life would be like here, but she didn’t think she’d miss him _this_ much.

Gus had let her rent one of the rooms that no one ever used at The Stardrop for privacy – and so they could listen to music. She’d invited Alex – who was _of course_ bringing Haley, Leah and Shane. They were a strange mix of people, but they were _her_ people – maybe apart from Haley. Shane said he’d come, but that he’d drive so he wouldn’t be tempted to drink. That was the one thing he’d never do, apparently. So, he offered to take her there, and drive her home. He was a golden boy.

After Shane came back yesterday, they talked – for a long time. He told her about his father, and about how violent Shane used to be, too. Daphne for once let him do most of the talking, but she did tell him some things. She told him about Bea – and how Daphne had completely lost herself as a teenager, and never really found herself again until now. The parts she left out from the story were things he didn’t need to know. She didn’t want anyone to know – not here. But she often found herself thinking that the two of them weren’t so different as Shane made them out to be. She felt like they really connected – and she got her wish about forgetting it ever happened fulfilled.

She had roamed her closet all morning trying to figure out what to wear. Daphne really wanted to _party_ – properly, even if it couldn’t be done the same way she used to do it in town. One thing she _could_ do however, was dress the part. Finally, she settled on a black velvet miniskirt and that black lacy tube top that Shane had freaked out about a few weeks ago – with nude pumps and red lips. She even curled her hair, so it would be all wavy and flowy. When she lived in the city she used to get blowouts. In Pelican Town there wasn’t even a single hairdresser. There was nothing she could do about the nails, though. She was a farmer. That was a losing battle.

It was due time when Shane finally knocked on her door to pick her up.

“ _Holy shit_ ,” he whispered under his breath when she opened the door- his eyes widening slightly while wetting his lips. “I’ve seen you rolling around in the dirt for so many weeks now that I forgot that you can actually look nice.”

Daphne pulled her chin to her shoulder in an attempt to look coy – but she was grinning too much to pull it off even a little bit. She couldn’t remember having been this excited for anything in _ages._

Shane was carrying a bag in his hand, which piqued her interest. He was wearing the same outfit he wore to the Flower Dance – and pulling it off nicely – but this was probably the first time she had ever seen him clean shaven. Everything about him seemed so different now that he wasn’t drinking anymore, especially the way he looked. She couldn’t point to anything in particular – it was just the way he carried himself. Suddenly she could see a little pride in him.

He noticed her eyeing the bag – but honestly she’d slipped into a thousand-yard stare while thinking and wasn’t really looking at anything anymore.

“Oh, this is from Marnie - and Jas.” He handed it to her. Inside the bag was a small care package with some jam, home-made chocolates and a lot of other treats. And a drawing.

She narrowed her eyes at the drawing and tried to look at it from different angles – but to no avail. Daphne looked up at Shane again, eyes still narrow.

“Thanks, I _love_ the colors, but – what is it?”

Shane pursed his lips and shook his head lightly as he shrugged. “Apparently, it’s a unicorn-power ranger-dinosaur-chicken. She drew it weeks ago – she wanted you to have it. Said she wanted you to know what her favorite things were so you could be fast friends.”

Daphne could hear the pride in his voice – which he tried unsuccessfully to mask with indifference. She had never actually talked to the little girl, but she had always kind of wanted to. Daphne wasn’t _bad_ with children – she wasn’t really anything with them. They just existed, and usually on the outside of her sphere – but now that she had Shane, she realized that could probably change.

Her grin from earlier returned – this was probably the sweetest gift she had ever gotten from a stranger. Honestly, probably the only gift she had ever gotten from a stranger unless you counted STDs as gift – but that wasn’t a joke she was about to make.

“Tell her it’s going right on my freezer, and that I can’t _wait_ for us to be friends!”

Shane nodded decidedly. “Yes ma’am. So, are we off?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” Daphne confirmed, grabbing a coat to wear outside – maybe mostly because that way she’d have pockets for her phone and cigarettes. When she closed the door behind her, Shane put his hand on her back.

“Wait – just a second! I forgot – uh, there’s more!”

She stood slightly confused and watch him run back to the truck, climb into the driver’s seat and fetch something. He stopped for a second to look at it, and then took a step back towards the car before he finally turned around. It almost looked like he was dancing. Daphne bit her lip to try to hide her smile.

When he handed it to her, she could tell he was flustered. His hand was on his neck, and he was wrinkling his nose. “Happy birthday. It’s stupid but, uh – it’s my sweatshirt. You said you wanted a Shane-scarecrow so I figured we could use that.”

Daphne took it from him, first looking down on the shirt and then back up at Shane with a soft expression. Her mouth opened slightly – without her knowledge, and she lifted her thumb up to start tugging on her bottom lip until she remembered that she had lipstick on.

“Best gift I’ve ever gotten.”


	16. Yet

The party wasn’t that bad, but the noise left ringing in his ears- and the room was simultaneously both too dark, and not dark enough. Even though there were only five of them, Gus had put in ten chairs total – for reasons unknown – and two tables.

Shane was there – and he was uncomfortable, but not because of the alcohol. Because Alex kept trying to get him onboard with drinking games. What the hell was the point of drinking games when you’re drinking water? More trips to the bathroom?

Unfortunately, the room was too empty to give him any opportunities to sneak out. He had refused to actively participate on accounts of ‘don’t wanna’. Usually, the point of drinking games was to get people drunker or reveal their secrets – none of which Shane was interested in.

“Alright, people – _so_ ” Alex got up on his chair and balanced with his hands on his back. “It is with great pleasure that I introduce the game of Never Have I Ever. _Shane_ -“ he gestured to him “You will be the judge. If you think someone looks too guilty and they’re not drinking, you get to question them, and they have to explain why they look so guilty. You can either believe them or convict them to finish their drink.”

Participating wasn’t really within the guidelines of not participating – but it was probably nice of them to try and include him as best they could, so he wasn’t about to be difficult. It was Daphne’s birthday. The most important thing was that she had fun. Shane gave Alex a forced smile and a nod.

“Haley, you go first.” Alex sat back down on his chair and leaned back, while Haley straightened her back to sit more upright in hers.

Shane’s wrists had gotten bonier. He looked down on them as he was rubbing them. They had never really been big, but he could feel a difference.

“Hmm,” Haley pondered, tapping her finger on her chin. It didn’t really look like she was actually pondering what to say. “Never have I ever – kissed someone in this room.”

Of course, Alex and Haley took a sip. He looked around the room – more intrigued than he wanted to be. Daphne and Leah were the only two people he really wanted to know anything about in here anyway.

Daphne lifted the glass up to her lips. She was unnaturally quiet for her, which only made matters worse and drew everyone’s attention to her. There were five people in the room – did she really expect to be able to _hide_ from anything? 

Shane couldn’t feel his chair under him anymore – he had to reach down to make sure it was still there. Unless Daphne had been kissing Haley – which he was pretty sure she hadn’t by the look of Haley’s face, there was a story here he wasn’t particularly interested to hear.

He got up, and everyone’s attention shifted to him. Shane still hadn’t gotten used to being noticed when he moved around in a room.

“I’m gonna go get some air.”

This was the first time tonight he’d been craving a drink. He really didn’t need the mental image of Alex and Daphne smacking lips – or what that had eventually led to.

Shane rushed out the door and through the main room of the Stardrop – where he at least still could move more or less unnoticed. Once he got out, he sank down on the stairs. He was absolutely convinced that he was about to get sick, because he was practically breathing through a straw – and his Adam’s apple felt so _tight_ that he was sure it could burst out of his skin at any moment.

The door behind him opened. Shane didn’t turn, because he was pretty confident it was Daphne. She sat down next to him.  
  
“We’re blocking the exit,” Shane mumbled, and got up to walk down the stairs. “So, did you come out to avoid Haley clawing your eyes out?”

Daphne pulled out a cigarette. He really wished she wouldn’t do that. When she lit it, the smell didn’t remind him of Jason this time. It reminded him of smoked whiskey. He could practically feel it running down his throat.

She was supporting her head on her hand and tilted it slightly to look at him. “Something like that. How are you holding up?”

Shane scoffed, rubbing his nose with his fingers. “Never better.”

“Seriously, Shane.” A cloud of smoke came from her lips while she spoke.

_‘I really want a drink. Hell, I really want to leave and forget what just happened.’_

But he also really wanted to be with her on her birthday. Daphne was having a lot of fun up until this point. Plus, he’d promised he would get her home safely.

“I’m holding up. Not gonna lie and say it’s easy, but it could be a lot harder.”

Daphne nodded slowly and turned her head to look at the ground. “Yeah.”

He held his hand on his chest, balling his hand around his shirt – tugging on it, then he let go and did it all over again – opening and clenching his fists. Earlier it hadn’t been this cold outside - but Daphne was wearing practically nothing, and she didn’t seem to be cold at all. Maybe he actually was getting sick.

“Did you know that the humpback whale saves other sea creatures from like, sharks and orcas?”

Daphne looked at him with her eyes narrowed and let out a laugh that sounded more like a bark – short and sudden, and in accordance with the look on her face, a little unexpected.

“ _What?_ ” She kept laughing through her nose as she talked.

“Yeah, Jas told me this morning. It’s pretty damn cool, don’t you think?”

“But – _how?_ ”

Shane shrugged and pursed his lips. “Apparently they hold them onto their stomachs and roll on their backs, and then they don’t let them go until the coast is clear.”

Daphne grinned at him while she stomped her cigarette. “W _hale_ , I’m gonna head back inside. Are you coming?”

Shane rolled his eyes and did his very best to hide a smile – and failed miserably at it.

“I’m gonna hang back for a while more, but you go inside. I’ll come in a bit.”

* * *

She fell asleep in the car on the way home. He got out and walked over to the passenger side, opening the door for her.  
  
“Hey, Daphne – we’re home,” he whispered, nudging her carefully.

He knew all too well how bad the mix of tired and drunk could get. If he ever had _accidental_ blackouts it was almost exclusively because tiredness came over him and he kept drifting off.

She half-opened her eyes and looked at him – smiling sweetly, and then unplugging her seatbelt. Shane took a step back to let her out, but she pulled him back to balance on his shoulder getting down. All his blood rushed to his shoulder when she did.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Daphne tilted her head looking at him – but it wasn’t as much of a tilt as it was inability to keep it up. Her speech was even more slurred now than it had been when they left. It was probably the shot she insisted on taking before they left, even if he said it was going to push her over the edge.

Shane just nodded. He helped her inside, trying to hold her steady in the stairs – and then finally let go of her once they reached the couch. Paw just looked up at them, offended that they had gone off without him. He didn’t even move.

The way she looked; she’d definitely not have a good time come morning. He went into the kitchen to fetch her a glass of water. “You’re gonna hate yourself if you don’t drink this.”.

She grabbed it and took a sip, then looked back up at him. Her eyes were more squinted than narrowed. “I don’t think there’s room for more.”

He sat down next to her and furrowed his brow looking at her. “Then you drink _slowly._ ”

She was beautiful even now. It annoyed him how with everything she did – even the stupid shit – she just kept being beautiful to him.

Daphne got up. “I’m gonna go change.”

She wobbled to the bedroom, looking like she was walking on stilts rather than heels. Then again, those heels did look like stilts to him.

Shane looked around himself, rubbing his arms. He remembered what it was like to be drunk with other drunk people – the ones whose company you actually enjoyed and not just tolerated. His last time had been with Daphne on the dock, but then he didn’t _know_ her.

If he got to do it over again, or got to choose _when,_ he’d do it tonight. Earlier, of course – when she wasn’t as drunk, but tonight. Because now he knew her.

“Do you want anything to eat? I’m craving pizza.” Daphne leaned into the doorframe, this time wearing only an oversized t-shirt. Her thumb was playing with her bottom lip. Shane was trying not to get distracted by it.

“I should probably head home.”

Daphne pushed herself off of the doorframe – nearly losing balance – and pouted. “No, I want you to stay.”

_How could he say no to that?_

Shane bit his lips and nodded slowly, then let his eyes linger on her as she walked to the kitchen and found a microwave pizza. He wasn’t gonna eat that, but she kept buying them.

“You secretly like those, don’t you?” He rested his shoulder on the backrest, looking back at her – squinting.

Daphne looked at him for a brief second, biting her lip while smiling – her chin dipping down to her chest. “Maybe?”

Shane smiled, fidgeting with a piece of paper that was on the table. Daphne had of course already ripped it to shreds, which made it easier for him. His mouth was dry, and his tongue was suddenly too big for his mouth. He took a sip of her water.

Since Daphne entered his life, his world had changed in so many ways – just like that, almost effortlessly. Shane had given up on friendships and settled down into a life of Joja Mart, beer and forever a guilty conscience. Then she walked into that bar. He had felt _something –_ curiosity, but he had no idea that he suddenly would come by several times a week to work on her farm – or be invited to her birthday party. Or asked to stay. Suddenly he was alive. 

When she moved around, the shirt creased in the dents of her body, and he could see the outline of her. Somehow it felt taboo looking at her, even though she most wore tightfitting or short clothes all summer. It was like he saw something he wasn’t supposed to see.

“You sure you don’t want any?” She sat down next to him and tilted her plate in his direction.

Shane wrinkled his nose and leaned away from it. “No thanks.”  
  
“Is there anything else I can get you?” She took a bite and looked at him while chewing.

Shane shook his head. He really wasn’t hungry – and if he had been, the thought of that pizza made it disappear. The one time he tried it, the cheese kept continuously sticking to his teeth and he had to brush and floss for _days_ to get it all out. Toothpaste and old cheese were not a match.  
  
“Sorry you have to see me this way.” Daphne blurted out, completely out of nowhere.

‘ _Did I look at her funny?’_

Shane shrugged. “Eh – I show you mine, you show me yours, right?”

Daphne smiled and pulled her legs up in the couch and leaned back on the armrest, placing her feet on his lap. Shane’s upper lip twitched. His first impulse was to touch them – maybe even give her a foot massage. He had to struggle not to move his hands.

“My feet are killing me,” she groaned. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to wear high heels.”

Shane swallowed. It was hard to focus on anything put the pressure of her feet in his lap. His body existed only where she touched him. The rest of him just evaporated.

“You brought this on yourself.” He tried to sound smug, but he’d been silent for so long that his voice had started to get croaky and he sounded ridiculous instead.

Daphne kicked the inside of his thigh. “I resent that.”

Shane hunched over on reflex, grabbing her feet – and now he didn’t know what to do.

He looked down at her feet in his hands – and swallowed again. They were ice. He started moving his hands up and down to warm them up. It was too late to turn back now. He could either do _something_ or push them off completely – and he wanted to keep them there.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, and she had closed her eyes – her lips curving into a soft smile. The only thing Shane could hear was drums in his ear – pounding in sync with his body, because his _entire body_ was pounding, and she _had_ to feel it through his palms.

Shane was almost starting to settle down, when Daphne pulled her feet back and placed her plate on the table. The sudden empty spot on his lap felt cold. She pulled her knees under her and sat up on them – facing him. With catlike movements she placed her hand on the backrest and moved closer to him. Her eyes were fixed on him, and her bottom lip had almost disappeared completely into her mouth. 

_Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

Any attempts to control his breathing were pointless. He’d stopped breathing – and then, with a hitch, he started breathing again. His body did what it wanted to do. Shane couldn’t think. 

This was all there was. Everything else melted away. It was such a cliché, but – the world had stopped spinning; _time_ had stopped and all that was left were him and Daphne. He met her gaze, and the clichés overtook him completely. Shane had never thought one could actually get lost in someone’s eyes, because he had seen plenty of eyes. He had even seen her eyes plenty of times - but now, he completely disappeared completely into hers.

Shane forgot about her being drunk – he forgot about the party, about the fight – he forgot about who _he_ was; all he could see was _her_ – inching closer to him. Every single movement felt like they were in slow motion. She had completely closed the gap between their bodies, and he turned to his side. Shane reached around her hips and placed his hand on her lower back – and she moved all the way into him, her nose resting beside his on his cheek.

Right now, she was more intoxicating to him than any amount of alcohol could ever be. Daphne’s hands moved up his arms and onto his chest. She grabbed onto his shirt and pulled on it sightly, balling it up in her fists. Shaking, let his hand slide down under the back of her shirt and – barely touching her, he could feel her tremble when he ran his finger up along her spine.

Then, lightning struck him – Daphne was drunk. She was drunk and she didn’t want this, not really. But he did – he wanted it so bad that he hated himself for it.

In a split-second decision – before he changed his mind – he pulled his hand out of her shirt and placed both of his hands on her shoulders – but he didn’t have the strength to push her away just yet. She arched her back, bringing her body closer to him – her nose still resting beside his. He pulled his head back, but she followed. His hands stopped her.

“Daphne, stop. Please.”

Begging, he was _begging_ her to stop. The way her body moved up against his – like they were in water and the waves rocked her – he couldn’t stand it. She lifted her hands up to hold onto his on her shoulders.

“Why?” she whispered, in a voice that had no indication whatsoever that she was about to stop. Licking her lips, she started inching closer to him again – her hands still on his, and he had to hold his breath.

“Because this can’t happen.”

But he wanted it to – fuck, he wanted it so bad he didn’t know what to do with himself. She wanted him, practically pounced him – and he hated himself.

“Just kiss me, Shane.” Daphne was whispering, but her voice cracked, and he could hear the melody on her voice – thin, pleading.

Shaking his head, he pushed her further from him – putting all the length of his arms between them. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

“Not like this.”

Daphne pulled back and sat down on her heels. Her lips were pressed together to a thin, white line and she bit the inside of her cheek. 

“But _this_ is what I want.”

Shane leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and pulled both of is hands all the way down his face.

“That’s the problem.”

* * *

After Daphne went to bed – which was pretty much immediately after he rejected her, Shane stayed on the couch. There was no way he could go home. One thing he hadn’t been strong enough to do was empty his cabinet. Earlier that had served as a sign of strength to him. He could have it there and not drink it. Now, he realized he was just being a coward – and because of it, he couldn’t go home. If he did, he’d crack.

His hands were behind his head on the armrest, and he was just looking up at the ceiling, trying to process. She had been drunk – there had been a lot of sex-talk during the drinking games, it made sense that she’d lose herself like this. He was just the one available – it could have been literally anyone else.

A good place to start would be someone that hadn’t slammed her up against the wall just _yesterday_.

Shane couldn’t keep _needing_ her to keep himself from drinking. He needed to leave her alone – that’s what he needed. There was no doubt she would be better off without him.

The unexpected sound of violent gagging coming from Daphne’s room caused him to spring onto his feet. He knew that sound all too well – usually because he was the one making it. When he opened the door, she was lying on her side with vomit next to her head – still sleeping.

_Shit._

Now he was glad he was here. Throwing up in your sleep could easily make you choke – plus, this confirmed to him exactly how drunk she really had been - and subsequentially, how poor her judgment was. He grabbed some paper towels, a wet cloth with soap, baking soda and a trash bag from the kitchen.

He sat down on his knees beside her. “Daphne,” he whispered, nudging her. “You need to move your head.”

She did move her head, but she didn’t respond. His best guess was that she did it because the nudging was annoying, not because he told her to.

Shane cleaned up after her, first scraping off what he could, it and then going over it, dabbing it with soapy water – all while completely unphased because a) he had a daughter and b) he had a drinking problem. Vomit-clean up wasn’t exactly unchartered territory to him.

Daphne started spasming and gagging again, and Shane managed to get her to vomit into the bag – and then he went to throw it out right away and found a bucket in the cabinet instead.

Six times total – that’s how much she vomited throughout the night. Shane decided to stay in bed with her, and he held her hair up whenever she did – and held the bucket for her. There was no need to ruin a perfectly good mattress. He walked between the bedroom and the kitchen all night to bring her water - or more paper towels when she missed the bucket.

He didn’t sleep at all.

The night felt like it lasted forever. He thought he knew what an emotional rollercoaster was – but holy shit, this was a whole other level. Shane was pretty sure he’d had more mood swings these past two days than most of his life put together.

Groaning, Daphne put her hands to her head and turned to look at him. She wasn’t at all confused to see him there – and he could tell by the look on her face that she remembered every single detail.

“I hate myself.” She mumbled while burying her face in her pillow.

“You should _._ ” Shane pursed his lips and nodded, leaning on his elbow.

“I am so – so – so – so – so sorry I made you do this.” Daphne turned her head to look at him, her arms down her sides still – so she kind of sank into the soft of the pillow.

“I think I managed to prove yesterday that - despite your best efforts - you’re not _making_ me do anything,” he teased her, looking at her smugly.

“Stooop, I don’t wanna talk about this.” Daphne went back to burying her head, whining.

Shane stayed in the same position for just a few seconds longer – taking her in. There was vomit in her hair. Daphne turned back and pulled both her hands under her head – squishing her face.

He still wanted to kiss her. Hell – he wanted to kiss her even more. Daphne’s hair was full of vomit – there was vomit on her breath, makeup smeared all over her face and her beautiful, soft, flowy hair suddenly looked more similar to the scarecrow than anything. Somehow, she was still more attractive than ever.

And she wasn’t drunk anymore. She smiled at him – looking funny with her cheek squished – and mouthed ‘thank you’.

The way her lips were squished, moving – he couldn’t _not_ look at them. Yesterday they had been less than an inch from his, she had begged him to kiss her.

It wasn’t her being drunk that stopped him. Shane got out of bed on the other side from her.

“Do you mind if I leave the car? I need the walk. I’ll come pick it up later, but I gotta get some sleep.”  
  
He walked around the bed as he talked, and she followed him with her eyes. Daphne sat up and rested her back against the headboard.

“You’re leaving? You can sleep here, you know.” She pouted playfully.

 _I’d love to_.

“Yeah – but you kinda smell like shit.” Shane wrinkled his nose. Daphne threw her pillow at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am here to answer the question on everyone's mind: it is true - humpback whales do in fact do that because they are the best animals 
> 
> thank you for your attention
> 
> \--- 
> 
> to the less important thing: chapters will probably drop less frequently for the next few days since I don't have as much time to edit because of work - but also probably not, because who cares about work when they can write, right?


	17. A Saga of Sheets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daphne is hungover - but she finally meets Jas, and Evelyn makes sure Daphne eats properly

Mortified after Shane left, Daphne stayed in bed for as long as she could stand to. She let the bed swallow her body completely – only her arms escaping when she held her hands out in front of her, tracing the outline of her hand with her index finger. Memories from last night came crashing in like waves.

First there was the drinking game; the one where she took a sip when she could have easily just lied and said she’d never kissed anyone in the room. Alex wasn’t about to out her. There was no reason to stir the pot – but of course, drunk-Daphne needed all of the attention, so she went for it anyway. God forbid that not all eyes were on her for a second.

Then, Shane. Daphne practically _begged_ him to kiss her. She raised her head off her pillow just to toss it back again with a grunt, smacking her forehead with her hands. Kissing him wasn’t something she would have regretted. But sitting there like an idiot – begging for it and being turned down?

_Such – a – fucking – idiot._

It hurt more than she thought it would, but now she wouldn’t have to wonder. Even this morning, she hoped that maybe the reason he rejected her last night was that she was drunk. Then, this morning, he made a joke about it and left – without kissing her. If there was ever a nail in the coffin, that was it.

The smell of her own sick hit her like a brick. Just a second ago she had been numb to it. She had no idea why it suddenly crept up her nose and decided to join the oxygen in her bloodstream, pumping through her body. The only thing she could do to stop herself from getting sick again was to get up and get out – and when her bare feet met the cold floorboards, it shot through her like ice darts. 

Leaning onto almost every piece of furniture she could find; she slowly made her way into the living room. The first few hours in the morning were always the worst ones. Daphne knew herself well enough to know that it would be better in a few hours – but right now, it really didn’t feel like it.

Paw sat quietly next to the front door and wagged his tail gently when he saw her come into the room. She went over to him and knelt down next to him, wrapping her arms around him.

“I know boy, I know. I’m sorry.”

His fur tickled in her nose as she kissed him. When she got home last night she was so caught up in Shane that she forgot to let him out. The fact that he hadn’t peed on the floor yet was undisputable proof that Paw was nothing short of a miracle dog. 

When she finally mustered up the courage to return back to upright position, she opened the door so Paw could go out. She lingered in the doorframe for a while – her hands wrapped around her stomach, cupping her elbows. The truck was still in her driveway, which meant that Shane was going to stop by later to pick it up. Daphne had already made plans to have dinner with Alex and his grandparents this evening, so she had no guarantee she would be home when he did. She didn’t even know if he would call or if he would just show up and pick it up without notice.

The smell of vomit finally became too much for her. Leaving the door open for Paw to come back inside whenever he wanted to, she headed off to take a shower. Daphne could have spent the entire day wrapped in the hot water blanket if she had the choice to. There was always something uniquely comforting about it – the sound of the water running, the warm temperature against her skin, she just forgot about everything else.

Daphne was a singer, though she wasn’t a particularly good one. Her brother used to complain that it sounded like something was actively dying a gruesome death. So, she started humming instead – which she was much better at.

Turning the water off was the worst part of any shower. Just a second ago she was surrounded and protected by the hot water; now she was just cold, naked and vulnerable.

Today was laundry day. After having slipped into her last clean underwear, she pulled on a black pair of shorts and a regular white t-shirt. Before she could even think about anything else, she had to clean her dirty sheets. Now that she was clean the stench of her vomit was much more pungent.

Shane had already cleaned up a lot of it. Daphne looked down at the wet marks, which were the only evidence of her vomit left on the mattress. She let her head drop back and stared up at the ceiling for a second. He always took care of her, even when she didn’t ask him to. That wasn’t what she wanted from him. She knew nothing could come from this stupid little crush, yet he did things like hold her hair back and clean up her sick. It was too confusing.

Even if he did clean the mattress, she still needed to clean the sheets – so at least she’d carried some of her own weight. Shane was infantilizing her constantly – but it was her own fault. She couldn’t deny that she did act like a child from time to time. Her first boyfriend enjoyed it, so she kind of just kept it up.

Not anymore, though. He had made it perfectly clear, and she was done playing games. What was done was done.

* * *

A few hours after Daphne’s shower, Shane called to ask if he could bring Jas with him when he came to pick up the car. Daphne had never really had any relationship with a child before – not for any particular reason, she just hadn’t been exposed to them. But somehow she already felt like she knew Jas; Shane was constantly talking about her. Plus, she needed to meet the artist behind the drawing featured on her freezer – if only to thank her in person.

Watching Shane when he talked about Jas was extra special to her. His expression always melted when he mentioned her name. You could see the pride on him, and it made him ten times more beautiful.

Daphne made herself a cup of peppermint tea – her personal hangover cure – and positioned herself on her porch, scouting for them. The surface of the old floorboards was rough against her naked feet, but she wasn’t about to put on shoes in fear of splinters. One of her favorite things about living on a farm was the freedom to walk around without shoes whenever she wanted to. In the city there was always the danger of broken glass or syringes – here there was just nature, and she controlled what was in it.

The light breeze rustled the leaves, but it was a quiet day. Once Shane rounded the corner, Daphne felt lightheaded. The sensation of his finger tracking her spine was so real to her, she could still feel it. He was wearing a pair of black shorts and a white t-shirt that was almost see-through in the bright light, which made Daphne pull on her own white shirt to double check that hers wasn’t. 

What was really eye-catching, however, wasn’t what he was wearing. Under his arms he carried a ladder on one side and Jas on the other, limping a little from the weight difference between them.

Paw zoomed down to greet them before Daphne had the chance to even move. Shane dropped the ladder and put Jas down, immediately stepping between her and Paw so he wouldn’t run her down. Daphne laughed through her nose and put her thumb to her lips, pushing it gently against them. Her shoulders were heavy. She hadn’t expected that seeing him would make her this sad.

Daphne put down her cup and jumped down the steps of her porch, jogging over to meet them. The grass was warm to the touch from the sun and tickled between her toes. By the time Daphne made it down, Jas and Paw had already taken off.

She stopped with a fair bit of distance still between them. Shane had his hands in his pockets and gave her a lopsided smile, closing one eye. Daphne mirrored his smile and put her hair up in a messy bun, using the hair tie she always kept on her wrist - like a bracelet.

With her eyes fixed on Shane, she pointed to the ladder on the ground before putting her hands on her hips. 

“Is there a reason for that ladder there?” She cocked her head.

He looked down at the ladder lying next to him and started rocking back and forth on his feet. “Yeah – it’s, uh, your actual birthday gift. Couldn’t bring it yesterday, so-“ His voice pulled on the last word. Daphne expected there to be more to it – but he stopped talking.

Daphne pulled on her bottom lip, looking down on the ladder on the ground. It was a bold move to make a callback to an argument like that only two days after the fact. She wasn’t really sure how to feel about it. Personally, she felt like the ladder she built was more than good enough – even if it was a little wobbly.

Shane could see the hesitation on her face and quickly continued, pulling his hands out of his pockets and cupping one hand on the back of his neck. “Oh – and it comes with, uh – it comes with my help fixing the greenhouse. If you want it. My help, I mean – I’m not carrying the ladder back. That’s – that’s yours now.”

Daphne bit her lip to try and hide her smile hearing Shane stumble over his words – but ended up laughing through her nose. “I could use the help, yeah. Thanks.”

He had definitely showered before coming over. They spent so much time working in the dirt that she almost forgot what he looked like when he was clean in his regular clothes. His skin was so fresh, but he hadn’t shaved since yesterday. Daphne wanted to reach out and touch his stubble – or at the very least run her fingers through his hair to see if it was as soft as it looked. He wasn’t wearing any gel either; his hair just moved naturally – it felt intimate to just look at him.

Shane shifted uncomfortably and slid his hands back down in his pocket, looking around for a second. “Hey, Jas! Aren’t you even gonna come say hi?”

Daphne followed his eyes over to where Jas had been running with Paw. Jas immediately ran over to them and stopped right in front of Daphne, looking up at her with narrow eyes. Daphne bit her lip and looked around awkwardly. The girl didn’t look much like Shane, which just added to her confusion around the whole ‘my daughter’ and ‘Uncle Shane’ verbatim. 

“Are you why Uncle Shane won’t marry Miss Penny?” Jas asked easily – as if it was the most natural thing in the world to say to someone you just met.

Daphne didn’t even know he had the option to. She turned to look at him with a confused look on her face. “Uh – I don’t know. Am I?”

Shane tossed his head, rolling his eyes. “Miss Penny is the reason I won’t marry Miss Penny.”

Apparently this wasn’t the first time they had this conversation. Daphne looked back down to Jas and tossed her hands up. “Well, there you go!”

Jas kicked the ground, looking disappointed. “Miss Penny always gives me ice cream. I want her to live with us.” 

Upon learning that Daphne had ice cream in the freezer, Jas happily accepted her as Shane’s new wife. Shane cleared his throat and suggested they go inside, and they let Jas choose the flavor for all three of them. Daphne grabbed a frozen snack for Paw, too.

It didn’t take long for the results to come in: Strawberry flavor for Jas, Chocolate for Shane and Lemon Orange for Daphne, because she had ‘yellow hair’.

Once Jas finished her ice cream she ran back outside, and Daphne and Shane stood on the porch watching her play with Paw. They weren’t touching, but she could still feel him next to her, pulling on her like a magnet.

“You really ought to have a bench here you know,” mumbled Shane.

Daphne nodded slowly, but kept her eyes on Paw and Jas. She did need a bench. The stairs weren’t exactly comfortable. But for now, leaning against the wall with Shane was enough.

“Can I ask you something personal?”

Shane cocked an eyebrow and glanced at her, sucking on his teeth. Yeah, shoot.”

“Why does she call you Uncle Shane?”  
  
Sighing, he bit his lips and kept his eyes looking ahead of him. For a while he didn’t say anything. Daphne almost immediately wanted to apologize for overstepping – this was none of her business, and she could tell that he didn’t really want to answer the question. Just as she was about to take it back, he interrupted her.

“Because she’s not technically mine.” He hesitated while speaking like he didn’t know what words to use.

“I thought you said she was your daughter?” Daphne looked at him through the corner of her eyes, chewing on her thumbnail. Shane still kept his eyes fixed on Jas.

“She is, just not –“ He took a pause. “She’s my goddaughter. Her parents died. Been with me since she was two.”

Shane’s voice was thick with sadness, but his face was blank. She couldn’t help but be fascinated over how incredibly hard it was to read him. It was one of the things that intrigued her so much about him – but also the most terrifying thing. He talked about hurting her when he slammed her into the wall, but his inability to communicate emotions hurt her much, much more.

Daphne’s hand raised to cover her mouth, like she just said something she wasn’t supposed to. She was such an idiot for poking around in obvious trauma – and he was so gentle about it. He had every right to be mad that she poked and prodded, she’d almost come to expect it from him – but he wasn’t.

“I’m so sorry, I just figured-“

Shane placed his hand on her arm, interrupting. “Don’t be sorry. It’s kinda my fault for just never telling you.”

One thing Daphne had always been grateful for was that she got to spend almost sixteen years with her mom – and not having a dad wrecked her. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how horrible it must be to not even have known them. Daphne let her eyes drop down to her arm, Shane’s hand still on her. She grabbed it and he flinched, like she hurt him. Her hand wrapped around his and she gave it a slight squeeze before letting go.

“She seems great.”

Shane nodded slowly, his lips curving into a gentle smile. “She’s the best.”

Daphne couldn’t help but smile. “Jas is very lucky to have you.”

“Jas would be fine without me. It’s me that’s lucky to have her.” 

* * *

There was always a special smell at Alex’s house – the exact same smell that was there ten years ago. It had always fascinated her how some smells were just so specific to people or places that they just imprinted on you. Daphne closed her eyes for a second as she walked through the door. It wasn’t just the _one_ smell; there was a myriad of them, and it just smelled like home.

Evelyn rushed from the kitchen to greet her. Alex had let her in, like he always did.

“So great to see you,” Daphne said politely as she pressed her cheek against Evelyn’s.

Evelyn cupped Daphne’s face in her hands. “Happy late birthday, dear. You’ll get your gift with dinner!”

Daphne glanced over at Alex, who hadn’t mentioned anything about a gift. He gave her a half-shrug and waggled his eyebrows. 

“You really didn’t have to go through the trouble.” She rubbed her arm, trying to not seem too excited. Daphne really loved gifts, but she didn’t want there to be any pressure. It was kind of them to think of her, but she never expected anything.

“Anyway, it smells absolutely wonderful in here!”

Alex smiled smugly at her and bumped her shoulder with his. “Thanks, I do actually smell really nice.”

Daphne leaned in and took a whiff on his neck. He did smell good, but she wasn’t about to let him know that. She jerked back and crinkled her nose. “Did you even shower since yesterday?” 

“Watch your mouth!” Alex jabbed at her, frowning.

Evelyn had been watching them, and she stood there smiling – her mind clearly far away. When both Daphne and Alex finally looked to her, she snapped out of it.

“I have half a mind to ground the both of you! Dinner will be ready soon.” She gave Daphne a pat on the back as she turned to go back to the kitchen.

George was in the living room, but Daphne knew he preferred to be left alone until dinner was ready – so she let him be. Turning her head to look at Alex, she smiled.

“So, do we wait outside – or?”

He shook his head. “Actually, I was thinking maybe my room today?”

Daphne sucked in her top lip, nodding slowly. “Alright.”

On their way to his room, they went past the kitchen, and Evelyn stuck her head out, practically singing. “Keep the door open!”

Alex and Daphne froze for a second and sent each other a look, choking their laughter. This had been the routine ten years ago. On rainy days they’d spend the day inside, usually in Alex’s room if they were here, and he had to keep his door open at all times.

Daphne tossed herself down on his bed, and Alex stood by the door for a second – unsure if he was actually allowed to close it or not. He ended up closing it, and sat down in his bed next to Daphne, who tilted her head at him. She didn’t even have to ask.

“It’s all good. We fought for a few hours, but she eventually gave up.” He pulled himself further back in the bed and wrapped his arms behind his head, leaning up against the wall. “It’s like I can’t have been in love with anyone but her, not even when I was like a kid. That’s totally not fair – it’s not like I can control that.”

She blinked, not having heard him use that term about her before. It was strange to sit and talk so casually about it now. Her teenage self would be dying. “In love?”

“Huh?” Alex had been far away in his mind and was snapped back by her question. He sucked on his teeth for a second before answering. “Yeah, I mean – I kinda was, you know?”

She raised her eyebrows and fell back on her side, her head now next to him – resting on her elbow. “Mr. Mullner, are you saying I got game?” Daphne smirked.

Alex laughed and ruffled her hair. “Are you kidding me? You’re constantly wearing like overalls and shit – whatever game you had is kinda long gone, D. Sorry.” He whispered that last part with his nose crinkled, like he was telling her a hard truth.

She laughed shortly and pushed his hand away. “So, everything was fine?”

Alex sucked his lips in between his teeth and waggled his eyebrows, looking at her. “ _Oh yeah_.”

It took Daphne a few seconds to get what he was alluding to. Once she did her eyes widened and she sprung out of the bed. “ _Ew,_ Alex! In _these_ sheets?”

He gave her a shrug and put his hands behind his head again. “Listen, D – I can’t help it that I’m irresistible. When she wants it she wants it, who am I to argue?”

“You made me _sit in it._ I _smelled_ you!” Daphne whined, holding her hands out in front of her turning her palms, like she was looking to see if she got something on her.

Alex gave off a little snort, and Daphne looked around the room. She hadn’t been here in a while. Usually they met outside, and she could only assume that Haley was part of the reason they didn’t do that today. The weather was more than nice enough for it. He had a lot of work-out equipment, which didn’t surprise her at all – but there were also a lot of photographs, which caught her more by surprise.

She grabbed one from his mirror. Alex was standing at the docks on the beach – a profile shot – just staring into the horizon. “Hey, this one is really good. Who took it?”

He got up and walked over to her, peeking over her shoulder. Then he took the photo from her. “Oh, this is Haley. It’s always either Haley or Emily. I’m banned from using it.” Alex shrugged.

Daphne kept feeling bad for judging Haley so harshly. Apart from being slightly jealous of her relationship with Alex, Haley hadn’t really even done anything wrong. Now she was a person with hobbies too – a pretty cool one at that. She was getting more and more difficult to dislike by the minute.

Alex looked up and down on her. Daphne cocked her head at him, furrowing her eyebrows. “What?”

He nodded slowly. “You should totally join me for a run on the beach.”

Daphne jerked her head back, eyes wide, before slapping his shoulder. “ _Excuse_ me?” Her voice was squeaky, which hadn’t been what she was going for – but she just went with it.

Laughing, Alex fought off her hands and grabbed her wrists. “I’m serious, D! It would be fun to have company, and with legs like that - you look like you can take it.” 


	18. Shane the Scared Onion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since Shane last saw Daphne, so he makes an impulsive choice - and as a result, a terrifying realization.

Sam came down with the plague or whatever, so when Morris called Shane and asked him to take over Sam’s shifts for two weeks, he couldn’t say no. That was twice the money earned. Between Jas and work, Shane was completely drained. A little over two weeks had passed since Daphne’s birthday, and he hadn’t seen her at all.

The fluorescent lights at Joja Mart made damn sure he had a constant headache, too. For the most part there was just him and the woman in the register whose name he never bothered to learn. She was about as talkative as he was, but at least he wasn’t in charge of customer service. If this store was going to be even slightly pleasant to spend time in, they kind of needed Sam. Shane could take over his hours, but not his peppy mood.

Nothing made him want to drink like Joja Mart, so he was at least grateful that he was too worn out to even consider it. Still, even when he was tired it was like he was missing a limb. Sometimes he would just start looking around himself – looking for his bottle – before he remembered he stopped drinking.

“See you, man!”

Sam was back, which meant that Shane could leave work early. Shane gave him a half-nod and slipped his hands into his pockets walking back to the storage and wardrobe. Everything smelled so sterile; it did kind of remind him of liquor. That could have been playing a part in the sudden rushes of cravings he got whenever he was working. Or maybe the job was just shit. Probably a little bit of both.

Shane didn’t even last two minutes after he clocked out before he picked up his phone to call Daphne. All summer she had been the highlight of his weeks, and now it had been over fourteen days since he even saw her – or heard her voice. Since Shane was never home, Marnie was the one who picked up whenever Daphne called down to the ranch. Of course, she never called for him. 

He didn’t even think about it, he just dialed. 

_“Why, hello stranger.”_ Daphne sounded cheery.

Shane bit his lip and smiled stupidly, keeping his head down as he was walking around town. He couldn’t have people seeing him like this – he had an image to protect. It was so great to hear her voice; he could even hear that she was smiling. 

“Hey! Uh, are you free tonight?”

“ _I am indeed. Why?”_

Here it was – the reason he should have thought this phone call through before making it. Shane stopped just above the graveyard, looking around. It baffled him how people even lived here. There wasn’t a single thing to do unless you felt like kicking it back with a beer or two. He didn’t want to invite himself over to her farm, and he certainly didn’t want to invite her over to the ranch, so the only other place he could think of was-

_“Shane? Are you still there?”_

“Yeah! Yeah, I am – uh, sorry. I was thinking maybe we could head to the beach?”

Shane cupped his hand on the back of his neck and let his eyes linger on the path leading down to the beach. He didn’t even like the beach. That was a really stupid suggestion.

“ _At night?”_

There was no turning back now; he had to stick with it. He felt like such an idiot, and that question didn’t help. No one went to the beach at night – _why_ would anyone even want to go to the beach at night?

“Uh–huh, yep. I mean, maybe not night-night, but like late evening?” He rubbed his hand all the way down his face. Fuck, he sounded like a tool.

“ _Sounds great! Meet you there at nine?_ _Should I bring swimwear?”_

Yet another thing he hadn’t thought about. All he wanted was to see her, or at least just hear her voice. What would you even do on the beach if you didn’t have swimwear? He wasn’t really too keen on swimming; but what if he said no and she decided she wanted to swim when she got there?

“Yeah. Bring swimwear.”

“ _Alright! See you there!”_ Daphne sounded excited. She was practically singing into the phone. What had she been doing these past two weeks anyway?

Hanging up, he looked down at the river below the graveyard. If he drowned himself now, they wouldn’t have to carry him far to bury him. This was such a bad idea; he should probably just wait an hour and then call to cancel so it wouldn’t seem like he changed his mind immediately.

There was only one flaw in that plan. Shane _wanted_ to see her. She made her days easier, she made him feel like more of a person. Daphne was always happy to see him – like he mattered and was worth spending time with. These past two weeks Shane wasn’t a person, he was a Joja Mart drone stacking shelves and cleaning floors.

He just had to figure out how to make this beach-thing make sense. Swimwear helped – he could swim, even if it wasn’t a favorite hobby of his. The temperature was fairly high, so taking a swim to cool down made sense. It wouldn’t even be dark by nine – the sun didn’t set until ten, and if he suggested that they stayed to watch it then the time would make sense too.

The realization that this started to sound an awful lot like a date dawned on him. Shane started walking again and glanced down at his phone before he put it in his pocket. He didn’t intend for this to be a date, and he didn’t want her to show up and think that _he_ thought it was a date and start ‘gently turning him down’. He just wanted to spend some time alone with her without all the pressure of working on something.

Now he realized that might have been stupid. They had never just done something leisurely together before. Sure, one or two times they had gone for a walk after working – but that was different, because the only reason they were around each other in the first place was to work. He didn’t even know what the reason would be now. Not work – and _not_ a date.

When he walked in the door, he could smell that Marnie was cooking. Hearing him coming in, Marnie shouted for him to come into the kitchen. Shane stood in the doorframe; Marnie didn’t even turn around to talk to him, just cast a glance over her shoulder before she went back to stirring the pot.

“I was wondering, do you have any plans tonight? Because I was thinking that I migh-“

“I do.” Shane interrupted her. “I do have plans.”

Marnie stopped stirring and turned around, hands on her hips. She looked at him for a few seconds before a sly smile crept over her lips. Shane could feel his skin burning.

“I see. And what are you and Daphne doing tonight?”

Shane let his eyes wander the room and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl next to him. “We’re uh – we’re gonna go to the beach,” said he as he took a bite, doing his best to sound unphased.

“Really? The beach at night?” The sly smile turned into a grin, and Shane seriously considered throwing the apple at her. Marnie gave him a half-shrug and went back to stirring the pot. Not that she ever stopped.

“What are you cooking?” Shane changed the subject.

“Soup,” Marnie answered shortly. She wasn’t having it. “So? Is this night on the beach a date?”

Shane choked on the apple and coughed. “ _Marnie_.”

She hummed in response. He should have just said no and nipped this conversation in the bud.

Jas wouldn’t be home for another hour or so. Shane locked himself in his room to play Junimo Kart until she came, trying his best to dodge Marnie and her stupid questions.

* * *

Once he reached the sand, Shane took of his shoes and socks. He learned the hard way that there was no need to use them on the beach – the sand just got right up in there anyway. Might as well embrace it.

The weather was nice – it was still warm, but there was a light cool breeze touching his face. Now that he was here, he couldn’t help but think that the beach wasn’t so bad. Shane closed his eyes for a moment to just feel the warm sand under his feet and listen to the soothing pattern of the surf sliding onto shore. There was a sort of rural idyll to it, just being close to the ocean. He felt connected.

Opening his eyes again, he looked around to find the beach more or less completely empty. There was only one person there, and that was Daphne. The world stopped – and as did Shane, taking in the sight of her.

She looked so peaceful. Her body was covered by a white mesh dress, and he could see everything underneath it – her blue bikini, her shapes, her skin – she looked completely ordinary and absolutely magical. Daphne was leaning back on her hands, gazing at the ocean. Shane was standing completely still in the sand, gazing at her – and he was fairly certain that he had the better view.

The spell broke as Daphne turned her head and saw him coming. She lit up and waved at him. Once he made it over to her, she tilted her head to the side – looking up at him with one eye closed.

“Hey.” Her voice was so soft it was almost like a whisper.

Shane rubbed his wrists while trying to keep his smile in check, because his lips wanted him to grin like an idiot. In the end it was somewhat of a lopsided grin. “Hey – uh, I think I forgot a towel.”

Daphne raised an eyebrow, smirking at him. “You think you forgot one, or you forgot one?”

He lost control over his smile and ended up grinning widely while rolling his eyes. “I forgot one, _Jesus_. Don’t be so pedantic.”

She scooched over and patted the ground next to her. “We can share.”

Part of him wanted to protest – say that he didn’t mind sitting in the sand. Daphne had already gone through the trouble of making room for him, though. Plus, considering how close they had been sitting on several previous occasions, it would seem weird to refuse now – maybe even a little obvious.

So, he sat down, leaning forward while she was still resting back on her arms. He wet his lips and could taste the salt of the ocean on his lips.

“So, uh – is everything good at the farm? Been able to function without me?” Shane was looking down at his hands and pulling his fingers as he spoke.

He could feel her eyes in his neck, but he was scared to turn around and met them. “Yeah, everything’s been great.”

There went their only conversation topic. Did they really have nothing to talk about? Daphne usually _never_ shut up and now – out of the blue – it was suddenly his responsibility to carry the conversation. That wasn’t fair. She should have at least given him three days’ notice or _something_ so he could prepare.

“If you could be any vegetable, what vegetable would you be?” _Fuck._ The first thing that came to mind was to repeat the question Jas asked him at the dinner table. When she asked him it was cute, but he couldn’t quite pull off seven-year-old as well as she did.

Daphne snickered. “Uh – wow, yeah. Okay. I’d be a-“ She sat up and leaned forward, cupping her elbow while tapping a finger on her lips. “I think I wanna be a pepper. They’re hot.”

Shane grinned and let his eyes fall to the ground, licking his lips. He nodded slowly.

“I’m a potato.”

Daphne jerked her head back to look at him with her eyebrows raised. “No way! You’re not a potato - you’re an onion.”

Shane crinkled his nose and looked back at her. “What, because I make everyone cry?”

Daphne pushed him playfully with one arm. “No, because you have _layers._ I’m trying to be cute. Don’t ruin my moment.”

He could feel himself getting warmer. His mind went blank again and bit the inside of his cheek harder than he intended to. This didn’t work, talking; normally they started out talking about something related to what they were doing, but now they were just doing nothing and as a result they were talking about vegetables. 

The only solution in his mind was to eliminate the need for talk. Shane pushed himself off the ground without saying a word, yanked of his shirt and started running towards the ocean. He didn’t think about it for a second. It felt like he was running away from her, and he probably was. He didn’t turn to look at her, but he could hear Daphne laughing behind him.

He stopped once he could feel the cold and wet sand under his feet. The surf rolled up on his feet, leaving him cold once it pulled back into the ocean. It didn’t take more than a second for Daphne to catch up to him – but he felt like he’d been standing there for hours by the time that she did. The ocean just swallowed the horizon completely.

Shane glanced over at Daphne, who was already looking at him – grinning. She placed a hand on his shoulder and let it slide down the length of his arm and into his palm. All the blood in his body rushed through his body to the point of impact and followed her hand into his palm. It was like he just touched an electric fence.

“On three?” Daphne bit her lips, looking expectantly at him.

For a second he could have sworn she meant something else entirely - but that was wishful thinking. He nodded slowly and turned his head back to face the ocean. Somehow it was less intimidating than her. They counted together:  
  
“One – two – _three!_ ”

They ran – his hand flying up in the air as Daphne lifted her arms up and out in a high V. She squealed when the cold shock of the first wave hit them – but she didn’t slow down, not even for a second. With the water pushing against them, she still moved with such ease and pulled Shane along with her – until she didn’t anymore. Her hand slipped out of his as she threw herself into the waves.

The water reached up to his thighs when he stopped. The moment Daphne let go, he suddenly realized how ridiculous he was. There was no way he could keep up with her – not on land, not in water, not in life – she was a tornado that somehow had made her way under his skin, and now she was consistently roaring in his veins.

There was no denying he was getting feelings for her. Seeing her now, he couldn’t deny it to himself anymore. He had spent two weeks trying. She moved to face him in one smooth motion – like the water was air and she had complete control over it. Her hair was clinging to her face and neck. The water covered her chest, dancing playfully along the length of her collarbone.

“Are you coming?” Daphne shouted to him, laughing. She was leaning into the water – letting herself drift and allowing the ocean to control her movements. She made it look so easy. Shane took a few more steps, feeling the waves hit his hips now – almost throwing him off balance. He leaned into the ocean and moved his arms in one big stroke as he just _let go_ and leaned into the moment.

The salty water embraced him, and Shane was terrified. He had never been afraid of water before, but with Daphne in it he suddenly felt like it was going to swallow him whole.

She looked so elegant swimming – playing in the water like she truly was a nymph, or better yet, a _siren_ about to lure him to his inevitable doom. He suddenly understood why all those sailors in the stories gladly followed them. It was like she was glowing - and he was so drawn to her that he couldn’t resist. He _needed_ to be in her orbit, to be close to her.

Daphne swam up close to him and he got absolutely lost in her. Droplets of water ran down the side of her face and he wanted to reach his hand out to trace them. Her arms were still, only her legs kept her steady and close to him. _All_ he wanted was to touch her. The last time they were in the water together touching her had been so _easy._ She had been an attractive girl that flirted a little with him – and he could be playful back, because there was no risk to it.

Now, he was risking everything. Her not feeling the same about him was something he could live with. He’d never expect anyone to, and he made peace with that a long time ago. But her finding out, him losing her – now that she had become the anchor that kept his feet on the ground and helped him stay sober, he couldn’t lose that. If he lost that, he lost everything.

Shane scraped his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. Then he turned to swim back to shore.

“Hey, where are you going?” Daphne shouted after him, confused.

“Back to shore!” He didn’t turn to look at her, because he was afraid that she’d somehow pull him back out.

Once he could touch the ground with his feet, he started running – the grainy sand sticking to his feet and being catapulted up his legs as he ran. His body was heavy, and the cool breeze served as a reminder. He didn’t belong in the warm water with Daphne dancing around him. He belonged here – on the gritty sand – freezing cold and more importantly: alone.

* * *

The sound of his hammering drowned out her voice, so Shane didn’t hear her the first time. His new project was to extend her porch while they waited for materials to properly fix the greenhouse. Shane had deemed the old materials to be pretty much useless when he went through them. They needed new glass anyway – and most of the metal beams were rusty, so they wouldn’t stand a chance in holding up the weight of the structure.

Daphne kicked his foot. “Shane!”

He stopped hammering and closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. Then he turned his head to look at her. “Do you see the hammer in my hand?” His voice was dry.

“Yes.” She pulled on the ‘e’, trying to sound innocent.

“Now, do you think it is _wise_ to kick people with _hammers_ in their hands?” He raised his eyebrows and glared at her with glassy eyes.

Daphne pulled her chin down to her chest. “Sorry. But you didn’t answer me!”

Shane put the hammer down and dried his hands with the towel he had laying right next to him. He sighed and brought the towel to his forehead, dabbing off droplets of sweat.

“What was the question?”

“Are you going to the Luau tomorrow?” Her hands were on her back.

It was pretty much mid-summer now. After the night on the beach, Shane didn’t come around as much. At first he didn’t how to, but then he figured it out. He just needed to stick with their previous recipe for successful friendship: Keeping it professional. Some play was fine, but _never_ all play and no work. 

Shane smacked his lips. “Yeah, that’s the plan.”

Daphne wet her lips and sucked on her teeth for a second, looking over his shoulder. He turned to see what she was looking at, but there was nothing there that wasn’t usually there. Just her house - and Paw, who was now sitting by the door – glaring at Shane for making so much noise around his usual resting spot.

“Uh – do you wanna go with me?” Daphne rubbed her cheek as she said it, squishing the side of her face. The last time she looked like that they were in bed together. He tried very hard not to think about that. 

“What?” His mind started racing trying to figure out how to interpret that question – but they all just got stuck in a bottleneck in his mind. He could feel them racing, but he couldn’t get a grasp on a single one of them.

“Well, Alex is going with Haley, and Leah’s not coming this year because of an art show in the city – and I really don’t wanna go alone, so..” She tucked her chin back to her chest again. “Pretty please?”

Shane looked at her, offended. “So, you’re saying I’m your last resort?”

Daphne’s eyes widened and she jerked back. “What? No! … but also, yes, kinda?” She crinkled her nose.

He rubbed his chin, thinking out loud. “I’m bringing Jas – but yeah, sure. You can join us.”

He was breaking the rule, messing with the recipe - but they had a buffer in Jas. She would probably waddle around and ask questions, keeping him too busy answering them to even talk to Daphne.

She smiled brightly – hands still on her back, slowly backing away. “Okay! I’ll – uh, I’ll let you get back to work!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Just a few things: 
> 
> 1\. I'm gonna go back and edit the early chapters too. Not in terms of what happens, just the quality of them. :) 
> 
> 2\. The new chapter is a few days away, since this week is pretty busy with the start of the semester and whatnot! I haven't had time to sit down and go through it and edit it properly yet. 
> 
> 3\. Past chapter 20, I'm probably going to start posting at least one chapter weekly, not daily or every other day!


	19. Parachute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daphne meets Shane, but not where they were supposed to.

“Don’t you _ever_ wear a shirt?” Daphne groaned when she spotted Alex rounding the corner.

Their morning beach-run ritual was the highlight of her day, but she was getting tired of him constantly showing up without a shirt. Since this pretty much was the one thing they did together now, Daphne could barely remember the last time she saw Alex actually wearing clothes.

Alex let his hands glide over his abs as he glanced down on himself and tapped his stomach a few times as if he was counting. With a cheeky grin he looked back up at Daphne giving her a nonchalant shrug. “What can I say? They pay me each time I take it off.”

Her finger bounced off her chin as Daphne pretended to ponder the very important question of his attire. “How do you make money if you never put it on?”

In response he bit his lip in a playful manner and waggled his eyebrows, putting on a display by flexing his muscles. “Why? Am I distracting you?”

Spending time with Alex was good for her mental health. Daphne was completely comfortable in his company and she usually found him fun to be around, admittedly even when he was not wearing a shirt. Everything about him was playful, but he still knew how to take matters seriously and was genuinely interested in listening when something bothered her. He was part of what made her want to stay.

However, nothing existed without complications and while Daphne mostly profited on their relationship, she knew that Alex put up with a lot to be around her. His relationship with Haley was bettering, but Daphne was able to tell by the look on his face when he was fresh out of an argument. They still happened pretty frequently. 

It was still early. People from town slowly gathered on the beach to help decorate and get everything ready in time for the Luau. They sat up a few poles already, and Mayor Lewis amongst others hung decorations between them. Some sat up tables, others covered sections in giant green leaves. Daphne remembered how she found the decorations for the Luau to be the most beautiful thing in the world when she was a child. It was so colorful and bright. The world was a different one back then.

It was not until Alex tapped her shoulder to get her attention she realized he tried to get in touch with her. “Hey – come on, let’s go!”

The gritty sand crawled into her shoes as she ran. She quickly got used to it, but it was never going to be comfortable. Being the one with the most experience in beach running, Alex was also the one to control what route they ran and for how long they kept going. Usually, they simply lapped around the beach until he called it a day.

Sand was a more challenging surface than she initially expected it to be - but being challenged was part of what made it so exciting. When they met up to run, Daphne was more than a farmer. Running in sand was both a good work-out and a great opportunity for her to spend some time alone with a friend.

As challenging as it was, it surprised her how easy it was to keep up with him. In any other activity Alex definitely overpowered her. Working on a farm did however come with some benefits in the physical health and stamina-department.

The sound of her own panting tuned out everything but the sound of the waves roaring in the far-off distance. Daphne disappeared completely into the fuzz of white noise and escaped from her mind. Spending so much time alone, she was prone to get stuck in an unhealthy thinking pattern. Things were good for a while, but lately, she was slipping up again. Shane was always on her mind and it was impossible for her to forget about him long enough to pull herself together.

The worst part was being completely unable to stop herself as she watched it happen all over again. Idealization was something she worked hard to resist; it happened a few times before and _never_ ended well.

Whenever this happened she lost touch with what was real and what was her imagination running wild. It always resulted in one out of two things. Either she freaked people out, which was fine – or they realized exactly how much power they held over her and executed it fully. The latter was the problem. Daphne was easy to abuse and control in situations like these and it all came down to whether Shane figured it out and how he eventually wielded that power.

When things unavoidably fell apart, she was always hit hard – even when she saw it coming from miles away. She never expected this to be a problem here, but then again - she never expected someone like Shane to be here either. Ever since Daphne met him, she tried to stop herself. The battle was not yet lost, but she always caved the second she saw him.

In this moment she was too physically occupied to think about any of it. Her mind was near empty as she sank deeper into the sand with each lunge, keeping up with Alex’s speed even when he was much taller than her. The only thing Daphne was aware of was her body moving. The experience was primal in the best sense; she was _free._

“Time!” Alex wheezed as he stopped and bent over to rest. Daphne followed – both of them huddled together for a while, before they laughed. His laugh was so genuine and beautiful. She knew he carried a lot of painful memories which he never shared with anyone, but somehow he still managed to be so well-balanced. Daphne admired – and envied – him for it.

He straightened up and smoothed his hair. “I’m gonna head off and shower. Haley’s gonna be dropping by like any minute – and if I leave her and Gran alone for too long, they’ll be at each other’s throats.”

Daphne always struggled imagining Evelyn not getting along with anyone. Even if she personally was not great friends with Haley she did not understand why Evelyn disliked her. George was a whole other matter – he wasn’t friends with anyone, but Evelyn was the most sociable person she knew. Her philosophy seemed to be that redeeming qualities was present in all human beings if you looked hard enough. It struck her as strange how the rule did not apply to Haley, considering she was Alex’s girlfriend.

“See you later?” Alex’s body bounced as he backed up while jogging. Once Daphne gave him a nod to confirm, he blew her a kiss and ran off.

* * *

The Luau was one of the events Daphne was looking forward to since before she even got here. While her grandfather was never much of a fan, her mother loved it. She always dressed up in beautiful dresses with colorful flowers on them, and she braided Daphne’s hair the same way she braided her own. The two of them never looked alike, but if they ever did it was during the Luau.

When she was a child, Daphne often asked if she looked more similar to her biological father. It was always strange to her how she didn’t resemble her mom. Daphne was a blonde with brown eyes and her mother was a brunette with green eyes. Her mother was tall and heavy set with shoulders wider than her hips while Daphne was petite in height and average in other ways.

Since coming here, Daphne was somewhat successful in forgetting her life back in the city. None of her old contacts called her. The only person from the city she talked to since she got here was Scott, when she in a weak moment asked him if he wanted to come visit. He said no, she did not speak to him since. Company was the only reason she kept in touch with him, and when he was unable to offer her that, there was no reason to keep him around.

Daphne sat on her porch wearing her robe, her hair newly braided the way her mom used to do it. This was another ritual she grew to appreciate when she found herself spending more time alone these past few weeks – a few seconds alone with a cup of tea after a hot and long shower. Today it was chamomile.

She settled back into reality as her phone chimed. Looking down on it, she saw it was Shane calling and everything rushed over her again in an instant. When he was far away she spent most of her time being either upset with him or afraid of him, but once she eyed an opportunity to talk to him, she was over the moon.

“Well, hello there,” sang Daphne into the phone.

She rested it on her shoulder to clutch it with her head, so she could keep both her hands free. It was _possible_ to hold a cup of tea with one hand, but she was much cozier when she used both.

“ _I’m not feeling great, so I’m not gonna make it today._ ” Not even a hello. Shane’s voice was flat and hollow to the point where a chill traveled down her spine and made her shudder.

He talked so fast she paused for a moment to make out what he said. Once she realized, the words struck as a bolt from touching an electrical fence.

“Oh,” was the only reply she could come up with.

Shane barely even bothered to say goodbye before he hung up. She did not even get a chance to answer. Once she heard the beep of the ended call, she straightened up her head and let the phone slide off her shoulder. It landed on the porch with a thud. She was not particularly worried to break it.

It was probably good the call ended so quickly. Daphne didn’t have any idea how to carry on the conversation from there.

To say she was disappointed was an understatement. Exactly what bothered her most about the whole thing was difficult to pinpoint. Her two real choices were either to not go or to go alone – none of which was viable options to her. Not to mention Daphne’s extremely low tolerance for last minute changes – especially when it affected something she was genuinely excited for.

When her tea was cold as she took a sip of it, Daphne realized she probably lost track of time. Whatever she decided to do in the end was unimportant – there was no way she was about to let herself stay home and sulk about it. She got up with a sigh and went into her bedroom to get dressed.

She slipped into the beautiful blue dress she planned on wearing to the Luau. This one was a hand-me-down from her mom. Even if their body types were completely different, most of her mother’s dresses came with a tie waist and thus still fit her nicely. The oversized look was good on her – at least she thought so.

Figuring the dock was a nice place to sit as she contemplated what to do next, she headed south once she locked the door behind her. Daphne knew she made a whole lot of ado about nothing – but going alone was a big step for her. If she brought someone with her to the Luau it took away from the pain of going without her mom for the first time. If she attended alone, her awareness of her mother not being there was likely to overshadow everything. Daphne was not ready to face the emptiness of that reality.

Running away from everything difficult was a talent of hers. Daphne was always unable to sit with difficult truths and accept being uncomfortable. Once something rubbed her the wrong way, she needed to move, leave or at least chance something in her environment. Moving here was one of the best decisions she ever made – but it was not one she thought about for long before making it.

Her life was empty in the city, and Daphne was tired of it. When she realized that she was filling the void with increasingly impulsive and irresponsible behavior, she knew the only option was to get out. Daphne was thrown headfirst into the part of the finance world which relied on stimulants to get through their days – and she got too comfortable there.

Daphne was not that version of herself anymore. Being here – and especially being around Shane – she was the complete opposite. Now she was doing something purposeful with her life. She ran a farm and created something out of nothing – and on the side, she helped a man she cared deeply for battle his own addiction. In Alex and his grandparents, she gained a second family, and she knew she was more welcome with them than she ever was anywhere else.

The warm breeze brushed against her skin while she walked through the woods. She could spot the lake in the distance. There was nothing to listen to but nature sounds; the trees creaking in the wind, the birds chirping – and the closer she got to the lake, the lap of the water hitting the shoreline. Nothing existed but Daphne and her surroundings – but it was not as serene as she expected it to be.

Once she made it to the dock, she realized _he_ was there. Daphne was thrown back several months into the past. For a brief second she was sure everything from the past few months had been a fever dream. Shane was more familiar to her now than he was back then – but when she saw him sitting there, he looked exactly the same. She found herself unable to move as she watched him follow a very consistent and familiar pattern of lifting a bottle to his lips.

She wrapped her arms around herself and cupped her elbows. When Daphne stepped onto the wooden surface, Shane briefly looked over his shoulder. The color drained from his face as he spotted her. Daphne read his lips as he mouthed ‘fuck’ while his attention switched between her and the bottle in his hand. She thought he looked like a teenager who was just caught doing something he was not supposed to be doing.

Her heart was beating in her throat as she walked towards him. Her body was slow and heavy. The closer she came to him, the heavier she was. Even if this was Shane’s war, Daphne realized she was the one who lost. As she came closer he shifted uncomfortably – eventually resorting to simply hiding his face in his palm to avoid confronting her expression.

Daphne slumped down next to him. Neither of them said anything. The lake was still to the point where it looked artificial – and Daphne wondered how they looked sitting here. Did it translate to be sad as she experienced it, or was the image of them a beautiful one? 

While there was nothing about his composure to indicate him already being drunk, Daphne knew Shane was a professional in the field of faking sobriety. She knew because she used to be a professional too; not for as long as him, but for long enough. He came off as more ashamed than anything else.

“Told you I was a fuck-up,” mumbled Shane, breaking the silence but resting his attention on his bottle instead of her.

Déjà vu.

Tilting the bottle in her direction, he offered her a sip. A small voice in her mind begged her not to accept it, but Daphne was in no condition to be reasonable. Her body warmed up as the vodka rushed through her system.

“It’s okay to slip up once in a while.”

The words of comfort were really for herself more than anyone else. Daphne was not addicted to alcohol, but she _was_ addicted to Shane – to the point where she clung to each second they spent together as if it was the last. There was a beautiful irony to the fact that in order to satisfy her own addiction, she chose to enable his.

Shane laughed. His voice was as flat and hollow as it was earlier. “Pretty sure I passed the ‘once in a while’ checkpoint about a week ago.”

Realizing that this was not a one-time thing, Daphne was compelled to take another shot of vodka before she handed the bottle back to him. She sighed and let her body sink back so she was resting her back against the hard wooden surface. Daphne did her best to relax her muscles to make herself more comfortable, but it was impossible. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her body again. At least her shoulders were saved. 

Her voice was thin and brittle when she finally spoke. “When?”

Shane sucked his teeth. Even if she could not see the expression on his face, his body was tense as he stretched his neck from side to side. He shifted a few times to get comfortable and eventually decided to join her lying down. With a gentle swing, he rolled his head so he could look at her while talking. Daphne was not able to make herself look back at him.

“After the beach.” There was a graveness to his voice which made the situation feel almost theatrical and overdramatic.

Daphne twisted her body completely around to face him. She pushed herself up from the ground, using her elbow to support herself while finally looking at him. “Why?”

Keeping her attention on Shane, she studied him as his chest rose and fell with a slow and steady rhythm. For once he appeared to be completely unaffected. He turned his head back to face the sky, looking away from her. It was a game of cat and mouse, where one of them ran away when the other came too close.

“Because – I’m a coward.” The way he said it made her stop to ask herself whether this was information she was supposed to already have. Shane laughed softly through his nose as if he just thought of something completely ridiculous.

“Too much of a coward to just go for it, and too much of a coward to let it go. Can’t win.”

Daphne raised both her eyebrows before she let her body sink and her arm slide down under her. She was still facing him, but now she was resting her head on her arm, so she did not have to use her muscles to keep herself up anymore. Everything was already hurting, and the hard surface only added to that.

“What the hell are you talking about?” asked Daphne, confused.

He turned to face her, assuming the same position Daphne left seconds ago.

For a few seconds he just looked at her. Shane was a magnet, and she was completely powerless against him – especially when he looked at her the way he was right now. His free arm reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear, before letting his fingers travel down the length of her chin and neck – barely brushing her skin.

She swore she traced the path of his fingers down to her collarbones, but the weight of his hand was firmly placed on her neck, so she knew she imagined it. He was electric, sending waves through her body by simply touching her. His shoulders rose before they fell again as he whispered:

“You. I’m talking about you.” 

As he whispered to her, everything melted away but the two of them – there was no past or future, only the two of them right now. Her being here with him was the one real thing in her world. Shane wet his lips as he met her gaze and shifted to be able to move closer to her. She was scared of moving too abruptly – thinking he might change his mind or decide to run if she did.

Shane kept moving closer and Daphne recalled her birthday. The last time they were this close to one another, he backed out last minute. Back then Daphne thought for sure she saw the entire world in him, and it was the same now. There was something uniquely beautiful about Shane, even if he was the most frustrating person she ever met. She was used to not being able to read his expression, but now everything was completely clear and there was no room for misunderstanding.

It was the moment where you either backed out or decided to jump – hoping that your parachute worked. Daphne was already falling. The hard surface underneath them did not exist to her anymore. Her eyelids were getting heavier by the second and eventually she gave in and closed her eyes, allowing herself to escape from the world completely and only experience this moment.

Daphne joined him in closing the gap between them completely. Her nose rested against his when they both stopped. Shane hitched his breath as his hand crawled up in her hair and balled to a fist, clinging onto her. He was shaking from holding himself up slightly above her, and a steady stream of warm air escaped his lips and touched hers.

Then, Shane jumped. Using his clenched fist to tug her hair and guide her head, he tilted his own and pressed his lips hesitantly against hers.

Time stopped. He was her parachute, and the touch of his lips stopped her fall so abruptly her body was slamming into itself. She might as well have hit the ground. It was painful but in the best way imaginable.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds. Their lips were still sticking together slightly as Shane pulled back just far enough for them to part. The two of them were still so close that his lashes tickled her skin as he opened his eyes. Daphne was not ready to snap out of it yet. She hoped the moment never passed if she kept hers closed.

His fist opened to let go her hair and she immediately grabbed his hand – desperate to still feel his touch on her skin. Daphne guided his hand to her waist and pulled him closer. When she was here with him now, this didn’t feel like a bad thing anymore.

Finally, Daphne opened her eyes to meet his. She smiled uncontrollably – the corners of her mouth twitched as she tried, and failed, to control it. His fingers dug into her as he gripped her waist tighter in order to pull her as close to him as humanly possible.

Not willing to wait to see if he changed his mind, Daphne lunged forward and kissed him hungrily, parting his lips with her tongue and lifting herself back up to her elbow. Earlier, they were both careful and hesitating. Now, she was experiencing the full force of the two of them together. She arched against him and he slid his hand under her, holding her up and allowing her to wrap both her arms around his neck.

He was perfect – absolutely flawless, and they moved together so beautifully. Even when she was unable to stop thinking about him for weeks, Daphne just now understood the gravity of the situation. This was not the same as all the others – _he_ was not the same. There was nothing dangerous and scary about this; it was pure. The two of them were good together and she knew it now more than ever.

Shane pulled her body completely off the ground as he sat up. She smiled against his lips while he fumbled awkwardly to keep his balance carrying the weight of both of them. He gave her two small kisses before he started kissing her chin and back to the side of her neck. The touch of his lips on her neck gave her goosebumps and Daphne whimpered – and as she did, she could feel his lips tug into a smirk against her skin. It was so long since someone touched her, and he did it so wonderfully.

He kissed his way back up to her lips and Daphne drowned in him completely – but just as she did, Shane jerked back unexpectedly and moved away from her. Her body was left cold and she was barely able to stop herself from falling back, as he was the one holding her off the ground. His lips were still parted as he stared into thin air, no longer looking at her at all.

Daphne was strangely aware of her shoulders rising and falling as she still panted from the kissing. She slid her knees under her body to be able to move closer to him at the first invitation, but it never came.

An eternity passed between the moment where Shane pulled away from her and when he finally tuned back into reality. He swallowed hard and began shaking his head frantically. His expression was blank, except for his wide eyes giving him away. He was panicking. 

“I – _fuck_ , I ruined it, Daphne. I’m so fucking sorry, I- I fucked up, I-“

“What are you on about,” groaned Daphne, completely thrown off by all of this. If nothing else, at least it was on brand for him. She was unable to hide both her emotional and physical frustration – but then again, she wasn’t really trying to.

“I’ve been drinking – this wasn’t supposed to-“

She was already sitting firm on the wooden surface, but without even moving, she somehow slammed into it. _How_ did she miss this? Of course, this was one of those moments where he drank alone, and she was the someone being conveniently close when he wanted company. The air was forced out of her lungs completely as Shane basically verbally punched her in the gut. Daphne struggled to regain her composure, and all she could do was repeat her answer from earlier.

“ _Oh_.”

This was the one thing she was afraid of. Daphne learned not to trust her instincts long ago, but this time she chose to throw everything out the window and roll with the punches. Now she was completely humiliated. She needed to move. There was no way she was going to survive living here after this. As much as she dreaded moving back to the city, it was impossible to stay here now, and-

Shane grabbed her head to snap her out of it, looking at her as if he was expecting her to answer a question he never asked. While shaking his head still, he was framing her face by smoothing her hair.

“ _Shit._ No! No, Daphne, no – not like that. I just – I wanted this to be _for real_ and now it’s- I ruined it and we can’t take it back-“

“I don’t want to take it back,” Daphne thought out loud. The frustration was thick on her voice. It was unfair of him to dangle this in front of her and then take it away from her just like that. 

He cupped her cheeks, forcing her head up to look at him. His expression was new to her. He was soft; Daphne never saw him look this soft. Without being angry, sarcastic or making jokes, he comforted her. Shane was always kind, but he was never soft – not really. He always found some way around it.

“ _Jesus,_ I promised myself you wouldn’t just be another-“ He bit his lip, stopping himself before he finished the sentence. His hands were still cupping her face, but it was as if he activated his own off button.

If Daphne earned a dime each time Shane confused her or drove her crazy by not communicating properly, she would have been able to afford the kitchen before summer started.

First he was an asshole, but he apologized – only to revert right back to being an asshole. Then, he built her a scarecrow and took care of her while she was completely out of it – disappeared, then he invited her to the beach where he vanished _again_ and now _this._ He was exhausting – and Daphne needed it to stop.

She grabbed his hands and guided them off her face. He closed his eyes and sighed as she got up to leave.

“I think you know what I want, so... The ball is in your court,” said Daphne, calm and collected – but a crack in her voice betrayed her.

As she walked away from him, chewing on her nails was not enough. Daphne put her finger between her teeth and bit down – hard.


End file.
